What is one of the biggest obstacles that prevent you from making the changes you want? Our automatic negative thoughts, aka ANTS, can be a change blocker. They can damage your self-esteem, make you doubt your decisions, stop you from reaching your goals, or keep you stuck in a loop of negativity. What becomes possible when you transform negative energy and shift to a positive, growth-oriented mindset? How could that change benefit you?

Recently I was struggling with some personal ANTS. I discovered several strategies for working with and changing persistent negative self-talk. Shower yourself with love. In celebration of February, the love month, I encourage you to keep those warm Valentine’s Day feelings alive and extend some extra love and compassion to yourself.

As you consider these strategies I learned, I hope they will help you reframe the negativity and flourish.

5 Ways to Empower Change by Quieting Your Negative Self-Talk

During a weekly Executive Mom Nest coaching session, Leesa Askew, incredible colleague, Nest Advisor, and Transformational Coach, presented ideas about making your mindset an asset. To do that, she shared ways to “change the channel…change the programming.” Leesa learned these ANTS-busting strategies from Dr. Daniel Amen.

1. Write Affirmations

Create affirmations to counteract those ANTS. Write down three to five uplifting phrases you can repeat and keep in view. You can use your own words or find a favorite quote. This is one of Leesa’s personal favorites:

“I am always in the right place at the right time in the right state of mind.” 

If you feel stuck finding your words and want to try something fun, check out the interactive Affirmation Wheel my husband shared with me from Noom. When I clicked on the wheel, it coincidentally landed on this one:

“I have the power to create change.” 

How awesome is that? The next time doubt creeps in, I’ll have this affirmation ready to work its magic.

2.  Use Music

As Leesa said, music is a powerful force that “can stimulate the brain” and put you in a “subliminal trance.” She suggests creating a “Killing the ANTS Playlist.”  Which songs lift you up, bring a smile to your face, and shift your mood from crummy to happy? Music can completely alter how we feel. What songs will you include on your playlist? 

Here are several from mine:

• Respect – Aretha Franklin

• Happy – Pharrell Williams

• Better Together – Jack Johnson

• Stand By Me – Ben King

• Can’t Get What You Want – The Rolling Stones

• With A Little Help From My Friends – The Beatles

Pharrell Williams - Happy (video)

3. Get Physical

Interestingly, any type of physical activity can energize you and stop those negative thoughts from surfacing. Leesa shared how 25 jumping jacks can give you more energy than drinking two cups of coffee. Plus, physical movement has the added bonus of shifting your mindset to the positive. 

The next time your ANTS come marching in, stand up, get moving, and say bye-bye to the negativity. Take a brisk walk, go on a bike ride, dance around the house (using your new playlist, of course,) or do those 25 jumping jacks. You’ve got this!

“I have the power to create change.”

— Noom, Affirmation Wheel

Each week I receive Todd Henry’s 3 Things email, the “creative sparks to help you do better work.”  This week’s edition was well-timed because Todd included strategies for counteracting the negative “chatter” in your head. Hello, negative self-talk!

Todd referenced his podcast conversation with Dr. Ethan Kross, psychiatrist, neuroscientist, and author of Chatter – The Voice in Our Head, Why It Matters, and How to Harness It.  I love these ideas Todd shared from the podcast with Dr. Kross, and I hope you do too.

4. Address Yourself

When negative self-talk takes over, “speak countering messages directly to yourself, and call yourself by name when you do it.” This is so powerful. If I rewrite my affirmation from number one above, it becomes,

“Linda, you have the power to create change.”

Coming in loudly and clearly. What message do you need to hear?

5. Welcome Growth

We often receive feedback, which may be unsolicited or not. When the comment isn’t favorable, doubt and negative self-talk can surface. I love this suggestion for redirecting that energy.

“Refuse to personalize critiques, but instead see them as an opportunity for growth.” 

Adopting the growth mindset is valuable in all situations. It shifts the focus from being defensive or thinking, ‘what’s wrong with me?’ to ‘what can I learn from this?’ 

Are there changes you’d like to pursue but find that ANTS create an obstacle? Which strategies resonate with you? Do you have other ways to counterbalance negative self-talk? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.

We are still at the beginning of the New Year, yet we can embrace a fresh start at any time. You can begin again any moment, minute, hour, day, month, season, or year. Your attitude about ‘new’ can determine an optimistic or pessimistic start. 

While I feel incredibly energized in January, I also regularly experience a positive anticipatory sense at the beginning of each day. Most mornings when I wake, I am energized by the clean slate and promise a new day brings with its plans, surprises, and quiet moments that will unfold. 

To understand other views, I was curious what my thoughtful colleagues’ perspectives were about fresh starts and new beginnings. I reached out to this generous group – Al Bingham, Felice Cohen, Juliet Landau-Pope, Christine Li, and Yota Schneider. I asked them to respond to and elaborate on this prompt-

How do you make the most of a fresh start?

Their diverse responses include having no expectations to delving deeply. My deepest gratitude goes to this inspiring group for sharing their time, hearts, and wisdom with us.

5 Best Ideas to Help You Make a Promising Fresh Start

1. Remain Open

“I make the most of a fresh start by trying to have ZERO assumptions about what is going to happen. That way, I remain open to what might be and not wound up by what I might expect to happen when I often have no idea what might actually happen. When I have no assumptions or expectations going in, I can enjoy the process and the eventual outcome without having them mean anything negative about me — and that is a wonderful thing.” 

Christine Li, Ph.D. – Procrastination Coach, Clinical Psychologist, Make Time for Success podcast Host

 2. Stay Focused

“I think of every day as a fresh start, a new beginning, a new chance to get things done. To help make the day productive, each day starts with a clean To-Do list. A list offers steps to follow, guides you toward a goal, and keeps you on target to avoid falling down a TikTok rabbit hole. (Use TikTok as a reward for finishing a task on the list.) Every task completed, whether easy or time-consuming, motivates you toward completing another. Then another. Remember, you don’t have to get it all done today; there’s always tomorrow.”

Felice Cohen – Author, Speaker, Professional Organizer

3. Be Present

“Faced with a fresh challenge, it’s tempting to look back, reviewing previous efforts and setbacks. Or perhaps to project into the future, speculating on possible outcomes. While there’s much to be learned from looking back and forward, both drive you into your head, fuelling fears and fantasies rather than forward into action. No wonder over-thinking is a common cause of procrastination. If you aim to boost motivation, adopt a more mindful approach to your present situation. Focus on what matters most, right here, right now. Then identify the very first step and take the leap.”

Juliet Landau-Pope MA, PG Cert AP, CPCC, FRSA – Productivity Coach, Virtual Organizer

“We are still at the beginning of a New Year, yet we can embrace a fresh start at any time.”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO™

 4. Manifest Attention

“During the big reveal on makeover shows, the heroes don’t endlessly harp on how lousy things were before. Instead, there are tears of joy, wonder, gratitude, and love for the fresh start they’re receiving. Discomfort and dismay may provide sparks that light the desire for change, but they're a lousy fuel source for enacting it. A fresh start involves three primal actions: bringing something forward, organizing it, and releasing something. Each needs careful attention. Love, wonder, and gratitude helps keep things roaring. When these ‘ends’ inform your ‘means,’ your awareness remains open to finding novel paths forward during the refresh process!” 

Al Bingham, e-RYT500, YACEP, FAFS – Yoga Teacher, Author

 5. Nurture Reflection

"At the threshold of a new beginning, it is important to stay open, curious, and honest. If I don’t want old patterns repeating themselves, I have to decide what to leave behind and how to show up. I love taking long walks and drives and having intimate conversations with myself. I reflect on what I love about this fresh start. Then I ask, what are my fears? What habits, behaviors, beliefs, and attitudes could undermine me? Am I ready to let them go? What’s next? As answers and insights bubble up, I grow more confident, clear, and excited about the journey ahead."

Yota Schneider – Life Coach, Retreat Facilitator, Blogger

While January is almost over, there will be more opportunities for fresh starts. What helps you make the most of a fresh start? Are there specific periods you are more energized than others? Which ideas resonate most with you? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.

Loss is part of the human experience. It’s one of the things we have in common with each other. When we lose someone we love, we often want to hold onto their physical possessions to remind us of them. In most situations, keeping some meaningful treasures is comforting. But what happens when your deceased loved one’s stuff overwhelms you? Maybe you are the person who is responsible for deciding what to do with their possessions. Perhaps all of their things have landed in your home, and you don’t have space, time, or energy to edit them. Maybe you’re still grieving, and it feels impossible or too soon to choose. I get it. I’ve been there personally and have walked the road with clients as they’ve faced similar circumstances.

It’s been seven months since my mom passed away. I miss her so much. I completed the editing and dispossessing process. Her lifetime of things, including her home of almost 60 years, has been sold, given to family members, donated, or discarded. I kept some furniture, art, books, jewelry, photos, memorabilia, and documents. There are still a few things I need to decide about. But mostly, her possessions and life are settled.

Beyond her stuff and physical presence, she remains with me in other ways. She visits me in my dreams. When I hear the music of Bach, Mozart, or musicals like The Sound of Music, I think of her. More recently, I was reminded about the power of the olfactory sense, which can transport us to another time in an instant. I hope my story will help you as you journey on your letting go path.

The Pine Needles

I am obsessed with the smell of the pines when I trek down the block. It’s as if I’m a huntress, hunting the scent. Several months ago, when I walked, I only smelled the pine if the wind blew in a particular way. The smell was fleeting. It was there one step and gone the next. I would back step, trying to get “it” again, but the aroma was gone. 

Why am I so obsessed? 

I have a memory from age six or seven. My parents took my siblings and me to a nature preserve for the weekend. Our car was packed with sleeping bags, slabs of wax for the lanterns, coolers, cots, and our dog, Sandy. They rented a lean-to, a three-sided, roofed structure, for our stay.

As we entered the park and drove up the road, tall, gracious pine trees marked the path on either side. My mom had my dad stop the car. She insisted we all gaze at the trees, open our windows, and take in their beautiful fragrance. My mom loved the smell. As we stood, I could hear her inhale the scent as she breathed in deeply and smiled. For those few minutes, the five of us stared and smelled as we enjoyed the moment. Whenever I smell fresh pine, I think of her.

On my walks down my block, I try to get a whiff of the trees. And every so often, I catch it. Then a few weeks ago, I noticed the dried pine needles falling in bunches to the ground. With their release came a concentrated scent. I’d walk, and there was the smell. I felt transported back to the time I had that moment with my mom so many decades ago.

She’s gone now. She left this year in March at 92 years young. But as I wander down the block, kicking the pine needles as I walk, it makes their fragrance even more intense. Gratitude and calm fill my being as I activate the aroma and feel my mom’s presence, strong like the scent of the dried pine needles.

“Gently let go when you can.”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO™

For those of you that have lost a loved one, my heart goes out to you. If you are overwhelmed and struggling with letting go of physical possessions, I offer you this. Can you keep a few treasures and physical reminders? Can you allow the rest to move on? Your loved one’s memory will be with you in other ways through your stories, dreams, scents, sounds, and more. They wouldn’t want you to be overwhelmed or feel burdened by their stuff. Gently let go when you can.

Besides material possessions, what other ways keep you connected to your loved ones who have passed? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.

Professional development and education are some of my top priorities. I continually invest in learning to understand, nourish my curiosity, grow, and better help people. This past week, I attended the Institute for Challenging Disorganization’s (ICD) conference, celebrating its 20th anniversary. I’m an ICD past president (2014-2016) and have been a member of this stellar educational association for 19 years.

Due to the pandemic, the conference was virtual. Using the Remo platform, people attended from eleven countries around the world. We had four days of workshops presented by leading experts with networking time with colleagues new and old. Possibilities, hope, compassion, and a zest for learning and sharing permeated the sessions and conversations.

In my effort to assimilate a small portion of what I discovered, I distilled ideas from 11 sessions and 20 plus pages of my notes to share with you. I couldn't include everything, so I focused on sharing incredibly inspiring concepts full of possibilities. 

Favorite New IDEAS to Empower Possibilities

1. Power of Reframing

Our first speaker was Dr. Edward (Ned) Hallowell, an expert on ADHD, founder of Hallowell ADHD Centers, podcast host, and author of 20 books, including his newest ADHD 2.0. His presentation was so uplifting and poignant. I became emotional several times. He focused on the gifts accompanying ADHD, such as being creative, intuitive, curious, entrepreneurial, intelligent, and original. Dr. Hallowell has ADHD and has devoted his life to helping people with ADHD “develop a vision of greatness.” He believes that everyone is capable of more than they think they are, can combat negative self-talk, and develop good self-care hygiene.

He reminded us “what matters is the striving, not the doing or accomplishing.” The “victory is loving the game.” He spoke about the importance of connection and having supportive people to protect and believe in you. 

Hallowell shared the three defining hallmarks of ADHD, which are distractibility, impulsivity, and hyperactivity. He prefers focusing on the positive flipside- seeing distractibility as curiosity, impulsivity as creativity, and hyperactivity as energy. At 71, he said he was “happy to have a turbo pack on his back.”

When it comes to organizing and reaching his goals, he strives for “well enough organized.”

If you reframe your perspective, what is possible?

2. Living Your Strengths

As humans, we seek to understand ourselves and others. Dr. Ryan Niemiec, Education Director at the VIA Institute on Character, author of 10 books, and award-winning psychologist, shared that understanding your character strengths is essential for building your well-being, managing adversity, and increasing happiness. What would be possible if you lived using your strengths and appreciated the strengths of those around you?

In 2003, the VIA Survey of Character Strengths was created. The extensively researched survey emerged from the field of positive psychology. It focuses on 24 universally valued (cross-cultural) character strengths such as hope, curiosity, and gratitude. It has been taken by 16 million people and continues to be taken every 10 seconds. Click here for your free VIA assessment (it takes about 10 minutes) and discover your top signature strengths.

Niemiec made several key points: no strength is better than another, all 24 strengths matter, and they are in all of us. Your top strengths represent the positive parts of your personality, which can change over time. Our strengths reflect our identity, produce positive outcomes for ourselves and others, and contribute to the collective good.

I’ve taken the survey three times over the past ten years, and I’ve seen some shifts in my top five strengths. With the most recent survey, my top strengths are love, gratitude, perspective, appreciation of beauty & excellence, and humor.

I’d love to know more about you. After taking the survey, please share your top five strengths in the comments below if you feel comfortable doing so.

“What matters is the striving, not the doing or accomplishing.”

— Dr. Edward Hallowell

3. Designing Your Space

Andrea de Pavia, MA, architect, urban planner, author, professor, and founder of NeuroAU, shared her expertise and insights on NeuroArchitecture. This interdisciplinary field connects cognitive science, architecture, design, and urbanism, focusing on “the brain, behavior, and their interconnection with the physical environment.” De Pavia explained how our spaces affect our physiology, making changes in the brain and body. Her goal is to “make science-based choices to improve the environment” and not design solely based on creativity or aesthetics. 

With sensation transference, elements such as light and sound can affect how things taste, your perception of others, and your memories. Perceptual fluency relates to how easy or challenging it is to be in a particular space. In a “fluent space,” it will be easier to process and experience cognitive restoration. Our physical environment can affect stress levels and health. Lack of multisensory coherence can impair perception and attention, deplete mental resources, and impair decision-making. Imagine being in a cluttered space (whatever ‘cluttered’ means to you.) Notice how you feel. Are you calm, relaxed, anxious, or agitated? 

Our space can help or impair our cognitive restoration. De Pavia shared several ways to design and organize spaces to decrease stress and save mental resources, such as incorporating nature. Include pictures of nature, use natural light, add plants (real or not,) water features, and natural materials. This is known as biophilic design.

Don’t underestimate the importance of windows and natural light. Uncover the windows and position yourself closer or facing them. Seeing the sky (day or night) helps control our circadian rhythm, which affects our biological clock. It syncs our body with the environment and affects our energy during the day and quality of sleep at night. Natural light supports the production of serotonin, a hormone that stabilizes our mood, feelings of well-being, and happiness.

I often write about organizing homes and offices to support who you are and what you do. This science-backed research reinforces the importance of decluttering, creating calm spaces, and being in environments that allow us to restore, reset, and be productive. What would be possible for you as you imagine being in a cognitively supportive space?

Possibilities are all around as we look at ways to reframe our perspective, live using our top strengths, and create spaces that support our minds and bodies. So much is possible. Which ideas resonate with you? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.