What is one of the biggest obstacles that prevent you from making the changes you want? Our automatic negative thoughts, aka ANTS, can be a change blocker. They can damage your self-esteem, make you doubt your decisions, stop you from reaching your goals, or keep you stuck in a loop of negativity. What becomes possible when you transform negative energy and shift to a positive, growth-oriented mindset? How could that change benefit you?

Recently I was struggling with some personal ANTS. I discovered several strategies for working with and changing persistent negative self-talk. Shower yourself with love. In celebration of February, the love month, I encourage you to keep those warm Valentine’s Day feelings alive and extend some extra love and compassion to yourself.

As you consider these strategies I learned, I hope they will help you reframe the negativity and flourish.

5 Ways to Empower Change by Quieting Your Negative Self-Talk

During a weekly Executive Mom Nest coaching session, Leesa Askew, incredible colleague, Nest Advisor, and Transformational Coach, presented ideas about making your mindset an asset. To do that, she shared ways to “change the channel…change the programming.” Leesa learned these ANTS-busting strategies from Dr. Daniel Amen.

1. Write Affirmations

Create affirmations to counteract those ANTS. Write down three to five uplifting phrases you can repeat and keep in view. You can use your own words or find a favorite quote. This is one of Leesa’s personal favorites:

“I am always in the right place at the right time in the right state of mind.” 

If you feel stuck finding your words and want to try something fun, check out the interactive Affirmation Wheel my husband shared with me from Noom. When I clicked on the wheel, it coincidentally landed on this one:

“I have the power to create change.” 

How awesome is that? The next time doubt creeps in, I’ll have this affirmation ready to work its magic.

2.  Use Music

As Leesa said, music is a powerful force that “can stimulate the brain” and put you in a “subliminal trance.” She suggests creating a “Killing the ANTS Playlist.”  Which songs lift you up, bring a smile to your face, and shift your mood from crummy to happy? Music can completely alter how we feel. What songs will you include on your playlist? 

Here are several from mine:

• Respect – Aretha Franklin

• Happy – Pharrell Williams

• Better Together – Jack Johnson

• Stand By Me – Ben King

• Can’t Get What You Want – The Rolling Stones

• With A Little Help From My Friends – The Beatles

Pharrell Williams - Happy (video)

3. Get Physical

Interestingly, any type of physical activity can energize you and stop those negative thoughts from surfacing. Leesa shared how 25 jumping jacks can give you more energy than drinking two cups of coffee. Plus, physical movement has the added bonus of shifting your mindset to the positive. 

The next time your ANTS come marching in, stand up, get moving, and say bye-bye to the negativity. Take a brisk walk, go on a bike ride, dance around the house (using your new playlist, of course,) or do those 25 jumping jacks. You’ve got this!

“I have the power to create change.”

— Noom, Affirmation Wheel

Each week I receive Todd Henry’s 3 Things email, the “creative sparks to help you do better work.”  This week’s edition was well-timed because Todd included strategies for counteracting the negative “chatter” in your head. Hello, negative self-talk!

Todd referenced his podcast conversation with Dr. Ethan Kross, psychiatrist, neuroscientist, and author of Chatter – The Voice in Our Head, Why It Matters, and How to Harness It.  I love these ideas Todd shared from the podcast with Dr. Kross, and I hope you do too.

4. Address Yourself

When negative self-talk takes over, “speak countering messages directly to yourself, and call yourself by name when you do it.” This is so powerful. If I rewrite my affirmation from number one above, it becomes,

“Linda, you have the power to create change.”

Coming in loudly and clearly. What message do you need to hear?

5. Welcome Growth

We often receive feedback, which may be unsolicited or not. When the comment isn’t favorable, doubt and negative self-talk can surface. I love this suggestion for redirecting that energy.

“Refuse to personalize critiques, but instead see them as an opportunity for growth.” 

Adopting the growth mindset is valuable in all situations. It shifts the focus from being defensive or thinking, ‘what’s wrong with me?’ to ‘what can I learn from this?’ 

Are there changes you’d like to pursue but find that ANTS create an obstacle? Which strategies resonate with you? Do you have other ways to counterbalance negative self-talk? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.

Some of the things I enjoy about Valentine’s Day are the beautiful colors, the bouquets of flowers, the abundance of chocolate, and the focus on love. The power of love is undeniable. The ability to give and receive love makes life better. Expressions and acts of love don’t have to be bold. They can felt in quiet moments. They can be felt from a gentle touch, a kind word, or a small gesture.

Creating more loving moments towards yourself and others will change your life. Love is the glue that holds our relationships together. Extending that love to include compassion for self enables us to grow, change and give more to others.

“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.”

— Charles M. Schultz

5 Ways to Add More Love and Compassion to Your Life

Hug Break

My husband and I were home during the big snowstorm last week. After several hours of working at our desks, Steve called out to me. He said, “Hey Honey, it’s time for a hug break!” I smiled as I got up from my desk and met him in the hallway for wonderful hug. What a simple act that left me feeling happy and loved. Did you know that the hormone oxytocin is released when we’re physically close to another person’s body? It helps us connect to others. In The Little Book Of Hygge, Meik Wiking said that oxytocin is sometimes referred to as the “love hormone,” the “cuddle hormone,” or “social glue.” Hug someone today to increase your love and happiness quotient.

Dance Break

My mom has vascular dementia, so while we can still have conversations, words aren’t always her best mode of communication. Music is though, so we often sing and clap together, or I listen to her play the piano. She has an incredible sense of rhythm. Moving our bodies to music or dancing with others is one of the most joyful things we can do. During a recent visit with my mom, she was so energized by the music we played for her, that we ended up dancing together. It was a joy-filled moment of love and connection.

Sisters Break

This past weekend our daughter, Allison, drove from Brooklyn to visit her “baby sister,” Cassie, in Boston. Our daughters have been very close from the day Cassie was born. As a matter of fact, when Cassie was born, Allison was convinced she was her baby. And right from day one, our girls had a special bond. Fast forward 24 years later and they are still close. Each time I thought about them visiting and spending time together this weekend, my heart was filled with love and warmth. Love can be felt through the relationships we have and by thinking about and being around the loving relationships others have. Soak in the love.

Creative Break

I like to make cards and write notes. Sometimes I use my photographs. Most recently, when making Valentine’s Day cards, I decided to take out my watercolors. I used to paint frequently, but haven’t in years. It was like having a conversation with an old, comfortable friend. I just loved dipping my brush in the paints, swirling it around in the water jars, and painting on the textured paper. I had forgotten how much I loved painting. Love can be felt from the relationships we have or the creativity we engage in that touch our souls.

Mindfulness Break

I continue to engage in living more mindfully and practicing daily mindfulness meditation. Especially through meditation, the practice encourages self-compassion. I set aside time each day to focus on simple awareness of connecting my mind, body and heart. The practice encourages being curious, non-judgmental, and kind to the self. By gifting myself this time, it’s helping me to experience more gratitude, more calm, and expand the energy, focus and love I have for others.

On this day of love, this day of sharing and this day of eating more chocolate than usual, I wish each of you a very happy and love-filled Valentine’s Day. What resonates with you? I’d love to hear your thoughts about change, love and compassion. Come join the conversation!

We’ve all heard phrases like...

“The only thing you can count on is change,”

or

“Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.”

While we understand this intellectually, change, even though anticipated, can be challenging. Sometimes we have to work at noticing something positive in the changes that happen.

This past weekend, my husband and I spent Valentine’s Day in Brooklyn with our daughters. Talk about change. Not that long ago, on a daily basis we saw, talked with, interacted with, and watched them grow. For our family, the stage of being together daily is over. The girls are now self-sufficient adults and living on their own.

As they create their lives and establish their patterns and roots, we have less family time. This is no surprise. It’s how it often is. This is an essential part of them becoming independent. However, even though it’s what we know would happen, there are times when I miss what was and the changes that have occurred. That’s normal.

“I savor this simple, joy-infused moment.”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO™

Instead of feeling sad for the era that's passed, I focus on embracing the changes or moments that are happening now. Our daughter Allison, who was photographing me with our daughter Cassie, captured one of these celebratory moments. In those few fleeting seconds, Allison filmed the sheer joy I felt being with my kids. There was nothing unusual about the moment. We were preparing breakfast together. It was a familiar, yet much missed moment that used to be part of my daily experience – hugging, laughing, and cooking. I savor this simple, joy-infused moment.

Change is part of the human experience. Maybe you’re in the process of making changes right now. What is your experience with change? Do you find ways to seek joy along the way? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Come join the conversation!

Let's celebrate the Valentine’s Day love! The "Be Mine" Organizing Giveaway is here! I've put together some of my favorite goodies that are fun and fabulous. We're talking The Container Store $25 gift card, Tate's mouth watering Chocolate Chip Cookies, Anne Taintor's sticky notes and so much more!

During the three plus years I’ve been writing The Other Side of Organized blog, an amazing community of people including you, have come together to share ideas about change, clutter, organizing, letting go, life balance, and more. My deepest gratitude goes to you for your wonderful feedback, tweets, posts, reviews, and support. If you haven't already done so, I personally invite you to join in the conversation and of course, enter the contest.

The “Be Mine” Organizing Giveaway of goodies was selected to organize, inspire, relax, and delight you. It's worth over $100. The winner will receive everything described below:

• The Container Store $25 gift card
• “Had she really hit Reply to All?!?!?” Sticky Notes from Anne Taintor
• Oh, So Organized! coffee mug
• “get relaxed” Tea from The Republic of Tea
• Starbucks $25 gift card
• Tate’s Chocolate Chip cookies
• Hershey’s Kisses
• Tribeca bin from The Container Store
• “To Do” clothespin
• Autographed copy of The Other Side of Organized by Linda Samuels

I know you can't wait to win this handpicked selection of my favorites! The “Be Mine” Organizing Giveaway starts on February 5th. One winner will be picked on February 11th. There's no time like the present to enter. Keep reading and act now!

Contest Rules:

• Comment on this blog post below about what you love to organize, what you're passionate about, or your most treasured Valentine's Day tradition or memory.
• Comment about the giveaway on the Oh, So Organized! Facebook page.
• Re-tweet about this giveaway on Twitter and include @LindaSamuels when you do.
• Subscribe to The Other Side of Organized free monthly e-newsletter for continued inspiration and motivation.
• Follow Oh, So Organized! on Pinterest and let me know which of my boards you like best by commenting on this blog post.
• Comment on Pinterest about Oh, So Organized!’s “Organize for Winter” video.
• Do one or all of the above to enter. The more you do, the more times your name will be entered to win (up to 6 total entries!)

Come join the conversation about love, chocolate, organizing and more. What are your thoughts? I’m looking forward to hearing your “voice.” Happy Valentine’s Day! Wishing you love and luck!