A while back, I received an email from Soren Gordhamer, an entrepreneur and founder of the Wisdom 2.0 Conference. He wrote,

“Two things are pretty clear:

 We have limited heartbeats in this life.

 And

 We never know when our last heartbeat will be.”

If that’s not a call to be intentional and focus on what matters most, I don’t know what is. When thinking about creating a better, happier life balance, framing it in the context of our limited time can help.

Are you spending time and emotional energy on things that are within or out of your control? Are you stressing about ‘what ifs, shoulds, and if only?’  Or are you focused on those things that are doable, bring you joy, and make life flow better?

You have choices, which is a good thing.

Circles of Influence and Control

This idea of limited time connects to another concept I was recently reminded of in To Do – 41 Tools to Start, Stick With, and Finish Things by Mikael Krogerus and Roman Tshchappeler.

They shared a Steven Covey concept from his classic book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. It is the“circles of influence and control” technique to “help whenever we feel ineffectual, powerless or frustrated.” It’s also an excellent exercise for infusing better balance and focus into your days.

How to Create Your Circles – What You Can and Can’t Change

As the illustration below shows, draw three concentric circles.

1. Outer: Circle of Concern

• Anything you have no control over belongs in the “concern” circle.

• List several “things that bother you but you can’t do anything about.” Examples include:

  • Past events

  • The political climate

  • Natural disasters

  • Other people’s flaws

2. Center: Circle of Control

• List several things you have agency over. These could be:

  • What you eat

  • Amount of sleep you get

  • People you hang out with

  • Amount of organization you have

  • Books you read

  • Movies you watch

• Some might seem trivial, but they significantly influence our lives. Add these to your “control” list.

“There’s immense power in knowing which things in our lives we can and can’t control.”

— Mikael Krogerus and Roman Tschappeler

3. Middle: Circle of Influence

• Include here things that aren’t in your control, yet you might be able to influence through your attitude or behavior. For example,

  • It’s impossible to “single-handedly avert climate change, but you can do something about it by living sustainably.”

  • You cannot “change your genes, but you can exercise regularly and eat more healthfully.”

  • You have no power over circle of concern events. However, you can influence or change your reaction to them.

How Does This Exercise Help?

The more you focus on those things you have no control over (circle of concern), the “more helpless and ineffectual you’ll feel.” However, when you focus on what is within your control (circle of influence and circle of control,) “the more confident and less anxious you’ll be.”

This exercise can heighten your awareness of how you’re spending your precious time. Focusing on areas you have agency and influence over can tip the balance in a more positive direction.

A Balanced Life Approach

You only go around once. How can you balance your days to include those things within your control and influence? What can you improve? What can you let go of?  I’d love to hear your thoughts and invite you to join the conversation.

Do you want help decluttering, organizing, planning, or finding a right balance for you? I’d love to help and I’m here for you. Virtual organizing is an extraordinary path forward – A local feel with a global reach.

Please schedule a Discovery Call, email me at linda@ohsorganized.com, or call 914-271-5673. Organization, balance, and ease are possible, especially with support.

Having an array of emotions is part of being human. There are no good or bad ones. However, at times, our strong emotions can make clear thoughts challenging. In fact, some emotions like anxiety, sadness, or fear can cause procrastination or completely zap our motivation.

When the amygdala, the primitive, emotional region of the brain, becomes the boss, it creates a cycle that activates the sympathetic nervous system (fight or flight.) The good news is many self-help strategies are available to help switch your internal gears from fight or flight to the rest and digest, parasympathetic nervous system mode.

When calmer, you can more readily access the pre-frontal cortex, a part of the brain that helps with decision-making, organization, attention, planning, emotional regulation, and impulse control. In this more relaxed state, you can reset and access the motivation to move forward.

Recently, I attended a meeting with fellow Nest Advisor, Monica Moore, a health and fertility coach. She led a workshop on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT.) The four-step process is helpful when making behavioral changes. ACT encourages working towards a value rather than avoiding something. In other words, focus your energy on something positive you want to be or do instead of on something negative you wish to avoid.

The ACT process:

1. Identify a value. Who or what do I want to be?

2. Identify feelings. What “yucky” feelings get in the way?

3. Identify relief valves. When you feel these things, what behaviors occur?

4. Create a nourishment menu. What behaviors will feel helpful, sustainable, and give perspective when experiencing the “yucky” feelings?

Your nourishment menu is where self-help strategies thrive. For example, when feeling anxious, you might engage in negative self-talk, binge-watching, or eating sugar-heavy snacks. What if you acknowledged and noticed those feelings when you felt anxious and instead, engaged in more helpful behaviors from the nourishment menu? Below are some suggestions. I’d love to know which of these or other ones work best for you.

20 Self-Help Strategies - Nourishment Menu

• Journal

• Meditate

• Take a walk

• Change your setting

• Organize or clean

• Create boundaries

• Breathe slowly

• Get a massage

• Hug a loved one for at least 20 seconds

• Run or exercise

• Watch leaves flutter

• Light a scented candle

• Use humor

• Rest

• Read

• Pet your dog or cat

• Listen to or play music

• Take a shower or bath

• Help someone else

• Talk with a friend, family member, or professional

I had a recent anxiety-inducing experience when I inadvertently deleted the most current 45 days of emails from my inbox. After long calls with tech support at Apple and Carbonite, it became clear that the emails might be retrieved, but not without many more hours spent with tech support and possibly worse complications.

A tech hiccup is never convenient. My plans to accomplish a lot that day were derailed because of the anxiety inability to focus. At a point, I decided to let it go and not retrieve the emails. However, I was still anxious and not functioning well. My emotions were in high gear, and my brain was foggy. So what did I do?

“Your ‘nourishment menu’ is where self-help strategies thrive.”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO™

I grabbed my journal and wrote. As the inky pen glided along the smooth paper, my heart beat rapidly, and my stomach was in knots. I wrote about the ‘gone’ emails, my anxious feelings, the power they had to deactivate my motivation, the shift in my emotional state of feeling calmer as I wrote, and the choice to let this go and move on. I noticed my environment (birds chirping, trees swaying), took several deep breaths, and shifted gears to write about positive memories from the mini vacation we just had.

After journaling, I met a dear friend for a walk along the river. We talked, laughed, and I shared the email saga with her. Not knowing about the nourishment menu at the time, I realized after how I had used several of these strategies to calm my anxiety, let go, and reset.

What self-help strategies work for you when your strong emotions take over? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.

Several weeks ago, one of my colleagues, Sara Skillen, wrote a post about the power of the words we use, which can be kind, harsh, energizing, or demotivating. Expressions influence our behavior and choices, so awareness is essential. Negative self-talk is common. It’s also damaging because the berating can hurt your self-esteem and prevent you from moving forward.

When working with my virtual organizing clients, I listen in various ways and pay close attention to their words.  One of the changes, which frequently happen during our sessions, is a positive mindset shift. As most sessions are only one hour, this change occurs quickly. It’s exciting to see.

At the start of a virtual organizing session, I check-in and ask, “How are you doing?” We review what transpired in between sessions, discuss discoveries or challenges, and clarify the session’s focus along with their starting thoughts. Fear is one of the common emotions that surface. We don’t ignore or dwell on the words. We let them reverberate, re-clarify what we’re working on, and take action steps forward with encouragement and focus. When fear and overwhelm are met with a small action step, movement happens, and a positive shift occurs.

“When fear and overwhelm are met with a small action step, movement happens, and a positive shift occurs.”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO

Positive Change Clients Experience

This is a small sample of the types of changes my clients have experienced in less than an hour. Their actions were on projects such as organizing papers, clothing, schedules, memorabilia, books, and housewares. Movement enabled them to progress on their organizing goals and morph their negative thoughts into positive and hopeful ones.

“Dread” became “not overwhelmed.”

 “Distracted” became “I made headway.”

“Frazzled” became “I feel good.”

“Stomach in a knot” became “better than expected.”

“Frustrated” became “I’m feeling better.”

“Worst fears” became “not scary anymore.”

“Terrified” became “I can do this!”

Recognizing the agency we have over certain parts of our lives is liberating. Our choices, when paired with action, will help us overcome fear and overwhelm. By acknowledging our emotions, we have the opportunity to work with them to bring about positive change in our lives. 

Have you experienced a change in thought patterns because of actions you took? What helps you shift from negative self-talk to something more useful? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.

Have you ever experienced that intense, inner push that propels you towards your desired goal? Or perhaps, you’ve felt the opposite and lacked the energy and motivation to move forward. In Kendra Cherry’s article, What Is Motivation? she explains,

“Motivation is the process that initiates, guides, and maintains goal-oriented behaviors. It is what causes you to act, whether it is getting a glass of water to reduce thirst or reading a book to gain knowledge.

Motivation involves the biological, emotional, social, and cognitive forces that activate behavior. In everyday usage, the term ‘motivation’ is frequently used to describe why a person does something. It is the driving force behind human actions.”

There are many reasons why we become motivationally challenged, including fear of failure, comparison, and drudgery. In one of my most popular posts, 10 Most Common Motivation Challenges & Easy Solutions, I explore these and other ideas. Since motivation concerns is a topic many of us are currently struggling with, I decided to expand on the original post to give you some other relevant motivation challenges and solutions.

3 Reasons for Lack of Motivation and How to Get Motivated

1. “Fuzzy brain.”

With the hundreds of Zoom calls and conversations I’ve had in these past months, there have been countless times when someone connected feeling unmotivated to “fuzzy brain,” “brain fog,” “bunker brain,” or “COVID brain.” Lack of motivation is understandable since we live with intense uncertainty and stress caused by the pandemic and the current political, social, and economic climate. Neuroscientists Hilke Plassmann and Benjamin Kessler, describe this mentally fuzzy phenomenon. They explain that “the combination of impaired analytical thinking and heightened external sensitivity creates what can be called ‘Covid-19 brain’ – a fragile, frazzled state that keeps our thoughts simultaneously on edge and unfocused.”

Solution:  To heal the brain fog, Plassmann suggests using music to restore your equilibrium, regulate your emotions, and increase your focus. She also suggests engaging in mindfulness meditation, especially breathing focused practices, that regulate brain activity.

2. Emergency, emergency!

As if the pandemic isn’t enough, many of us are also experiencing life emergencies such as loss of loved ones, medical challenges, or loss of jobs, income, or housing. When these events happen, it’s hard enough. But when they occur in this extreme environment, it is even more likely your motivation will get disrupted. When your days are spent putting out the emergency fires, and there are underlying stress and anxiety because of the pandemic, there might not be much oomph remaining to expend energy on your goals.

Two weeks ago, my 91-year old mom, who has dementia, broke her hip. She ended up in the hospital, had surgery, and is now in rehab. As if that weren't enough, she had two additional emergencies and ER visits during this time. Talk about being on high alert! Let’s just say that while I have been doing my best to work on my goals and stay motivated, there were moments when I felt like I was walking through molasses, as in slow in going.  One of my weekly goals is writing my blog post. While I am motivated to write, with the mom stuff happening, it has been challenging to focus. So when I sat to write what was going to be a ten-point post, I gave myself some slack and reduced it to three.

“When life’s emergencies occur in this extreme environment, it is even more likely your motivation will get disrupted.”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®

Solution: Life emergencies are the time to be especially kind to you. Acknowledge how your high alert state is depleting your reserves. The crisis will eventually pass. Make sure that you increase your self-care with enough sleep, hydration, nutrition, and movement. Minimize your self-expectations. What can you let go of? Focus on what’s most important now. Reach out to your friends and family for support. As your emergency passes, you will have more energy and motivation to work on your goals.

3. Can’t take the heat.

Yes. I know it is summer. And with this season comes hot weather. I don’t know about you, but it’s harder for me to activate when it’s hot. I remember the many summer vacations spent with our daughters in The Outer Banks. It was sweltering in North Carolina. The heat was tolerable when we were at the beach or in the air conditioning. However, when we explored the local towns, it felt like we were walking in an oven. Our energy and motivation to do anything were compromised. It seemed like a significant achievement just to choose and eat an ice cream cone. Even though New York (where I live) isn’t North Carolina hot, the temperature can still affect my motivation. Are you climate-sensitive?

Solution:  If you are affected by the warm weather, notice and acknowledge that. Consider some workarounds that will help increase your motivation. Things as simple as changing your clothing to lighter fabrics and colors, adding a fan to your workspace, or taking your brisk walk in the early morning or late evening, can help. Remember to hydrate, hydrate, and hydrate some more. Plan projects like garage or attic organizing for the colder weather. 

Take a moment to recognize that motivation can wane. It doesn’t mean it will be gone forever. It does mean you might need to experiment and make a few adjustments in behavior or perspective to nurture its return. What motivation challenges are you experiencing? What helps you get motivated when you are struggling? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation!