Letting go is never easy, even when it’s anticipated. On March 27th, my beautiful 92-year old mother, Wilma Simon Machover, died peacefully in the morning light while listening to Mozart. While her passing was expected as she had been fading these past few months, none of us thought it would happen on that day. But she was ready. As some of you may know, this has been a long goodbye. Mom was diagnosed with vascular dementia eight years ago, a year after my dad died. Her dementia presented many challenges but also learning opportunities and so much love.

In this time of grief, I am deeply moved by the outpouring of messages, support, and loving gestures from family and friends. Thank you so much for your kindness and the beautiful ways you have helped me and my family honor and celebrate my mom’s life.

It’s impossible to summarize her extraordinary life in a few words because there are so many stories and ways that she touched our lives. Instead, I’m sharing a few stories, and the legacy mom left us. 

Mom’s Legacy

When I think about the legacy mom left us, four words stand out:

• Love – which was visible in all things she touched

• Family – which was her everything

• Music – which was her passion

• Community – which she created wherever she was

Mom Stories

1. Love

Love was part of every conversation, decision, and choice mom made. It was present in her relationships and how she loved my dad, siblings, grandkids, family, friends, and me.

I remember after Allison was born and I was pregnant with baby #2, our beautiful Cassie. I was worried and scared, so I talked with my mom. Would I have enough love for another child? She assured me and said that love is an amazing thing. There is no limit on how much love we have. It keeps growing. And she was right. The more you love, the more love you have to give.

Always the teacher and role model, I watched mom. When each of her seven grandkids was born (Allison, Ryan, Cassie, Allegra, Hana, Halle, and Noa,) I saw mom’s heart expand as she welcomed them into the world with open arms and abundant love.

2. Gratitude

My mom was a grateful person. For years, maybe decades, I spoke with her at least once a day. Our calls were frequently about how grateful we were for the people we loved and the time spent together. She’d say, “That’s the good stuff!”

She always communicated a profound sense of gratitude for her family, friends, music, art, and the preciousness of time. Even as her dementia worsened and talking wasn’t always a viable way to communicate, she continued to express gratitude and appreciation in so many ways.

3. Mindfulness

For a brief period, when I was about 9 years old, I remember my mom told me that her friends, Jack and Erva Zuckerman, joined the Gurdjieff Society. The group encouraged a philosophy about life that fascinated her. One of the things my mom described was their belief in living mindfully, although I’m not sure they called it that. She gave an example- if you are making your bed, focus on just that one thing- smoothing the sheets, feeling the fabric, appreciating, and being in the moment.

Mom used to experiment with that idea and sometimes talked aloud to share it with me as she practiced mindfully washing the dishes, folding the laundry, or making the bed. I realized how in mom’s later years, she became my mindfulness guru in another way. Her dementia journey was long. Eventually, Mom lost her memory of the past and wasn’t aware of the future. With those changes, she modeled mindfulness and presence. She found joy in the present through playing piano, listening to music, singing, dancing, smiling, being with people who cared about her, exploring the garden, holding hands, feeling the sun on her face, or being playful.

When I was with her, I entered her world wherever she was, and we experienced the moments together. She helped me appreciate the now even more and savor the precious time I had with her.

4. Lifelong Bond

Mom loved telling me my birth story, which she shared often. She was fully awake when I was born, and the nurse handed me to her right away. She said, “You wrapped your tiny hand around my finger and squeezed it tightly.” Then she said, “I know we’ll be friends forever.” And she was right. We were always close.

Towards the end of her life, she hummed but barely talked. During one of my last visits with her before she died, I held her hand and sang her songs that she loved and used to sing to me. She swayed our hands gently to the rhythm of the music. Then suddenly, she squeezed my hand tightly and placed our hands together over her heart.

At the beginning of my life and the end of hers, there were no words. We shared touch, connection, and beautiful moments of love.

Letting go is never easy. Yet, in our letting go, the stories about those we love live on. Have you experienced letting go challenges or loss? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.

The whole day was before me. It was my day to sit and write this post. However, instead of focusing next on writing, I felt compelled to delight in spring’s arrival. Outside beckoned me to walk in the warm air, bask in the hot sun, hear the birds chirping, and discover flowers and greenery gracing the landscape with bright spots of color. I also carried with me some ideas that surfaced during my morning mindfulness meditation. It was the combination of the practice, the week’s events, and my pull to be outside, leading me here. 

During Tony Brady’s meditation, he said, “We are doers and fixers and move impatiently from one project to the next.” I had to unpack that one. Doers and fixers? The “doer” struck me. Each day when I wake, I have a goal to do something. I rarely have a don’t-do day. The “fixer” resonated too. I recognize I don’t have to fix or solve everything. However, my tendency is to find solutions for others or myself. It’s how I’m wired.

Moving “impatiently from one project to the next,” I connected less with. I’m pretty darn patient. I like having space within a project to think, appreciate, evaluate, and readjust as I go. I never feel like I’m hurrying to that next thing. I actually don’t like to rush (or run). But Tony made me think about this.

Then he said, “We have lost the gentle art of waiting.” Those words hit me. We are accustomed to fast and instant everything. Do you remember when we used dial-up to access the Internet and how long it took? Now, if we don’t connect in a split second, we are annoyed. How about ordering from Amazon? I’ve ordered items that arrive the next day at standard free shipping. What about our conversations? Do we really listen to the person that’s talking? Or, are we thinking about what we’re going to say next before they finished speaking? 

“We have lost the gentle art of waiting.”

— Tony Brady

Tony’s statement about losing the art of waiting made me think about presence and mindfulness. Being here now. Focus on where I am and what’s happening around me. Don’t fast-forward to the next thing on my list.  It was with those thoughts that I approached this glorious spring day. Yes. I eventually wrote this post, as you can see. But before I wrote, I used most of the day for embracing spring. This included:

• Taking two walks- one by myself and the other with my husband.

• Enjoying a conversation with an adorable three-year-old kid who was happily sloshing around in a mud puddle.

• Watching geese waddle into the river and then glide along the water.

• Eating leisurely my brightly-colored salad as I sat in our greenhouse.

• Shooting photos of flowers, water, trees, and the Croton Picture Tunnel.

• Savoring the super cold Yasso fudge brownie pop as I sat in the hot sun.

• Reflecting on the two bookends of life this week as my great-nephew entered the world and my mom continues to fade.

There is doing and not-doing. There is life and death. There is being present and missing the moment. For this moment, this day, I chose to be here now. I’m also OK to wait and pause. I’m grateful for the arrival of spring, the birth of my great-nephew, being able to hold my mom’s hand, and this day. 

Is next calling you? Are you feeling content with things as they are now? What are your ideas about waiting, patience, and rushing? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.

What a week it was with a contentious election, rising COVID-19 cases, and so much unrest. To cope, we’ve been doing many things to quiet the stress. How have you been coping? I’ve been teetering between engaging in healthy and not-so-healthy activities. The unhealthy ones have included baking (and eating with some help) a tray of brownies with espresso chocolate chips and making two big pots of macaroni and cheese. On the healthy side, I’ve continued to meditate at least once a day, take walks outside, practice yoga, eat fruits and vegetables, and talk with family and friends. I’ve been on the look for those moments of calm and joy. Even when life is challenging, joy is present.

Last week, one of my good friends and colleagues, Yota Schneider, wrote a wonderful post, On Absorbing Joy. She asks, “What gives you joy?”  I love that question because it puts us in a positive seeking mode. And in case you are stuck, Yota offers many suggestions to seek joy-inducing opportunities, which include “engaging your senses” and “having a good conversation with your loved ones.” 

“Even in the midst of the chaos, joy kept finding me.”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO

This past week has been a rollercoaster of moods and emotions. Yet even in the midst of the chaos, joy kept finding me. I felt it as I noticed the light gracing a bright red leaf. I experienced joy when . . .

• I giggled and laughed on the phone with my Aunt Bert.

• I listened to the sound of the river lapping against the shore.

• I heard the rustle of the crunchy fall leaves as they fluttered on the tree branches.

• I felt the sun warming my face after many rainy, gray days.

• I received an all purple surprise birthday package and card from an old friend.

• I read two magazines cover-to-cover without any interruptions.

• I saw my mom smile after waking up from a short nap.

• I bit into the freshly baked, very hot, intensely chocolate brownie.

• I visited with family after being apart for over a year.

• I climbed into our cozy bed at night and snuggled next to my husband.

As human beings, we have a tremendous capacity for joy, even during uncertain times. How have you been coping this week? What healthy or not-so-healthy coping strategies did you use? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.

Have you ever experienced that intense, inner push that propels you towards your desired goal? Or perhaps, you’ve felt the opposite and lacked the energy and motivation to move forward. In Kendra Cherry’s article, What Is Motivation? she explains,

“Motivation is the process that initiates, guides, and maintains goal-oriented behaviors. It is what causes you to act, whether it is getting a glass of water to reduce thirst or reading a book to gain knowledge.

Motivation involves the biological, emotional, social, and cognitive forces that activate behavior. In everyday usage, the term ‘motivation’ is frequently used to describe why a person does something. It is the driving force behind human actions.”

There are many reasons why we become motivationally challenged, including fear of failure, comparison, and drudgery. In one of my most popular posts, 10 Most Common Motivation Challenges & Easy Solutions, I explore these and other ideas. Since motivation concerns is a topic many of us are currently struggling with, I decided to expand on the original post to give you some other relevant motivation challenges and solutions.

3 Reasons for Lack of Motivation and How to Get Motivated

1. “Fuzzy brain.”

With the hundreds of Zoom calls and conversations I’ve had in these past months, there have been countless times when someone connected feeling unmotivated to “fuzzy brain,” “brain fog,” “bunker brain,” or “COVID brain.” Lack of motivation is understandable since we live with intense uncertainty and stress caused by the pandemic and the current political, social, and economic climate. Neuroscientists Hilke Plassmann and Benjamin Kessler, describe this mentally fuzzy phenomenon. They explain that “the combination of impaired analytical thinking and heightened external sensitivity creates what can be called ‘Covid-19 brain’ – a fragile, frazzled state that keeps our thoughts simultaneously on edge and unfocused.”

Solution:  To heal the brain fog, Plassmann suggests using music to restore your equilibrium, regulate your emotions, and increase your focus. She also suggests engaging in mindfulness meditation, especially breathing focused practices, that regulate brain activity.

2. Emergency, emergency!

As if the pandemic isn’t enough, many of us are also experiencing life emergencies such as loss of loved ones, medical challenges, or loss of jobs, income, or housing. When these events happen, it’s hard enough. But when they occur in this extreme environment, it is even more likely your motivation will get disrupted. When your days are spent putting out the emergency fires, and there are underlying stress and anxiety because of the pandemic, there might not be much oomph remaining to expend energy on your goals.

Two weeks ago, my 91-year old mom, who has dementia, broke her hip. She ended up in the hospital, had surgery, and is now in rehab. As if that weren't enough, she had two additional emergencies and ER visits during this time. Talk about being on high alert! Let’s just say that while I have been doing my best to work on my goals and stay motivated, there were moments when I felt like I was walking through molasses, as in slow in going.  One of my weekly goals is writing my blog post. While I am motivated to write, with the mom stuff happening, it has been challenging to focus. So when I sat to write what was going to be a ten-point post, I gave myself some slack and reduced it to three.

“When life’s emergencies occur in this extreme environment, it is even more likely your motivation will get disrupted.”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®

Solution: Life emergencies are the time to be especially kind to you. Acknowledge how your high alert state is depleting your reserves. The crisis will eventually pass. Make sure that you increase your self-care with enough sleep, hydration, nutrition, and movement. Minimize your self-expectations. What can you let go of? Focus on what’s most important now. Reach out to your friends and family for support. As your emergency passes, you will have more energy and motivation to work on your goals.

3. Can’t take the heat.

Yes. I know it is summer. And with this season comes hot weather. I don’t know about you, but it’s harder for me to activate when it’s hot. I remember the many summer vacations spent with our daughters in The Outer Banks. It was sweltering in North Carolina. The heat was tolerable when we were at the beach or in the air conditioning. However, when we explored the local towns, it felt like we were walking in an oven. Our energy and motivation to do anything were compromised. It seemed like a significant achievement just to choose and eat an ice cream cone. Even though New York (where I live) isn’t North Carolina hot, the temperature can still affect my motivation. Are you climate-sensitive?

Solution:  If you are affected by the warm weather, notice and acknowledge that. Consider some workarounds that will help increase your motivation. Things as simple as changing your clothing to lighter fabrics and colors, adding a fan to your workspace, or taking your brisk walk in the early morning or late evening, can help. Remember to hydrate, hydrate, and hydrate some more. Plan projects like garage or attic organizing for the colder weather. 

Take a moment to recognize that motivation can wane. It doesn’t mean it will be gone forever. It does mean you might need to experiment and make a few adjustments in behavior or perspective to nurture its return. What motivation challenges are you experiencing? What helps you get motivated when you are struggling? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation!