Several weeks ago, one of my colleagues, Sara Skillen, wrote a post about the power of the words we use, which can be kind, harsh, energizing, or demotivating. Expressions influence our behavior and choices, so awareness is essential. Negative self-talk is common. It’s also damaging because the berating can hurt your self-esteem and prevent you from moving forward.

When working with my virtual organizing clients, I listen in various ways and pay close attention to their words.  One of the changes, which frequently happen during our sessions, is a positive mindset shift. As most sessions are only one hour, this change occurs quickly. It’s exciting to see.

At the start of a virtual organizing session, I check-in and ask, “How are you doing?” We review what transpired in between sessions, discuss discoveries or challenges, and clarify the session’s focus along with their starting thoughts. Fear is one of the common emotions that surface. We don’t ignore or dwell on the words. We let them reverberate, re-clarify what we’re working on, and take action steps forward with encouragement and focus. When fear and overwhelm are met with a small action step, movement happens, and a positive shift occurs.

“When fear and overwhelm are met with a small action step, movement happens, and a positive shift occurs.”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO

Positive Change Clients Experience

This is a small sample of the types of changes my clients have experienced in less than an hour. Their actions were on projects such as organizing papers, clothing, schedules, memorabilia, books, and housewares. Movement enabled them to progress on their organizing goals and morph their negative thoughts into positive and hopeful ones.

“Dread” became “not overwhelmed.”

 “Distracted” became “I made headway.”

“Frazzled” became “I feel good.”

“Stomach in a knot” became “better than expected.”

“Frustrated” became “I’m feeling better.”

“Worst fears” became “not scary anymore.”

“Terrified” became “I can do this!”

Recognizing the agency we have over certain parts of our lives is liberating. Our choices, when paired with action, will help us overcome fear and overwhelm. By acknowledging our emotions, we have the opportunity to work with them to bring about positive change in our lives. 

Have you experienced a change in thought patterns because of actions you took? What helps you shift from negative self-talk to something more useful? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.

Have you ever tried to create a new habit or behavior? Altering your habit cue will encourage a different result. For example, if you want to stop losing your keys, you can put a small bowl in a landing spot to catch your keys when you enter your home. The bowl becomes your new cue and helps to change your habit. No more misplaced keys because you have established a specific home where you will always find them. This sounds good, right? What happens when you successfully put your keys in the bowl for days, even months, and then one time you forget to do it? You frantically hunt for your misplaced keys and berate yourself for losing them. How do you bounce back from there? Do you give up? Do you engage in negative self-talk? Will you embrace a fresh start even after your break in continuity?

Recently, I had an upsetting experience with one of my habits. I’ve been practicing mindfulness meditation for four years. I’ve meditated almost daily with a gap here and there. For a while now, Insight Timer has been my favorite meditation app. Aside from the app offering diverse meditations and teachers to choose from, it also tracks my activity. So I know how many consecutive days I’ve meditated. To help keep me committed to my practice, I also use a daily repeat on my to-do list that cues me. 

So what happened? I intentionally deviated from my normal morning routine, including mindfulness meditation, so I could make a special birthday breakfast for my husband. My plan was to meditate later that day or at bedtime. However, the day got away from me for various reasons, and before I realized it, it was past midnight. I missed my practice that day. I’ve missed meditation practice a day or two at other times, so why was I so upset? I mentioned before that Insight Timer tracks my activity. Up until the other day, I had 390 consecutive days of practice. By missing that single day, the consecutive days counter restarted. I was so disappointed in myself. How could I have missed a day? The negative self-talk was quite insistent. And then something happened. I asked, “What lesson can I learn?” I wanted to shift my unhelpful thinking to a more positive, growth-oriented mindset.

“What lesson can I learn?”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO

3 Lessons Learned From My Break in Continuity

1. It’s just a number.

Seeing the consecutive days’ number increase after each meditation gives me a motivation boost. But the reason I meditate has nothing to do with the number. I meditate to feel calmer, provide quiet space, practice focus, shift attention, and be more mindful. None of those things have anything to do with a number. I don’t meditate for the gold star or days tracked by the app. However, by missing one practice, I recognized how reliant I had become on the tracker, which wasn’t healthy.

What I know is the more I practice, the better I feel, and the more I’m able to regulate my emotions. The 390 consecutive days I practiced aren’t lost. And the meditations ahead will continue to be helpful. I reminded myself to use the tracking if it helps but recognizing it only represents a tiny part of the entire story. 

2. Understand the “what-the-hell effect.”

I recently attended a meeting with fellow Executive Mom Nest Advisor, Monica Moore, a health and fertility coach. She talked about habit change and how certain actions can derail us. Monica described the “what-the-hell effect,” a term behavioral scientists use. It’s a feeling of shame we can experience when we mess up and deviate from a habit we’ve established. For example, let’s say you committed to not eating ice cream. You successfully eliminated it from your diet. Then one day, you eat a small spoonful. Instead of stopping there, you down the entire pint thinking, “I already screwed- up, so I might as well keep going.” 

This made me think about missing my morning meditation practice. I could have gone down the “what-the-hell” path. But I rejected the ‘all or nothing’ thinking. Yes, I made one sidestep that I was unhappy about. However, I stepped back in the following day, practiced, and gifted myself a fresh start.

3. When all else fails, let go.

I woke up to face the Insight Timer app. After my morning meditation, I knew that the consecutive days displayed wouldn’t increase to 391 but would revert to just 1. Ouch. My berating began again, which wasn’t helpful. I wanted to reframe my negative thoughts. I selected one of my favorite practices, Letting Go Meditation, guided by Annemaree Rowley. Before the meditation ended, she read a poem by Erin Hanson. I love the last line, “. . . not everything you ever lose, is bound to be a loss.” How true that is. I lost consecutive day 391. However, in doing so, I strengthened my commitment to my practice, remembered my why, and let go of the negative self-talk. 

“. . . not everything you ever lose, is bound to be a loss.”

— Erin Hanson

Is it possible to embrace a fresh start, especially when your habit or goal get derailed? You always have the opportunity to begin again. When you go off course, what helps you move forward? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.

We have arrived in the second week of the New Year. Are you excited about the possibilities for the next twelve months? Are you in a reflecting and planning mode? Are you contemplating how to make the most of your fresh start that each New Year brings? Or do you feel frozen or stuck? Perhaps you started this year with a solid plan and are already in pursuit. Wherever you are in your fresh process, I discovered a secret sauce that can enhance it. 

As you might know, I practice daily mindfulness meditation. I prefer guided meditations and often use the Insight Timer app, which has thousands of meditations and teachers to choose from. One of my favorite guides is Tomek Wyczesany, a scientist, meditation teacher, and author. It’s fascinating that I often hear something new while I can practice the same meditation multiple times. This happened the other day when I was working with one of Tomek’s meditations. He said, “You are the active ingredient in everything that is about to happen.” 

What a powerful statement! Let’s think about that. He’s saying that you are the secret sauce, the “active ingredient.” How do we move through life? It starts with you, your desire, idea, or motivation. It is your rumblings for action that put things in motion. 

Does it mean we are the only active ingredients? I don’t think so. For example, when I’m working with my virtual organizing clients, they are active drivers of their organizing process. However, I am supporting them with focus, clarity, or ideas. We have become an active ingredients team. 

“You are the active ingredient in everything that is about to happen.”

— Tomek Wyczesany

In another context, think about how powerful it is to recognize the concept that you are “the active ingredient in everything that you do.” That means your mindset and actions are the drivers in your life. That can be positive or negative depending upon the messages you tell yourself. If things are not going as you want, you can change the path by shifting your thoughts and deeds. 

If you are struggling with moving forward, remember that you have the ingredients to activate. If you want to create an activation team, reach out to a family member, friend, or professional organizer like me.

Are you in a fresh start mode? What helps you to activate? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.