Letting go is never easy, even when it’s anticipated. On March 27th, my beautiful 92-year old mother, Wilma Simon Machover, died peacefully in the morning light while listening to Mozart. While her passing was expected as she had been fading these past few months, none of us thought it would happen on that day. But she was ready. As some of you may know, this has been a long goodbye. Mom was diagnosed with vascular dementia eight years ago, a year after my dad died. Her dementia presented many challenges but also learning opportunities and so much love.

In this time of grief, I am deeply moved by the outpouring of messages, support, and loving gestures from family and friends. Thank you so much for your kindness and the beautiful ways you have helped me and my family honor and celebrate my mom’s life.

It’s impossible to summarize her extraordinary life in a few words because there are so many stories and ways that she touched our lives. Instead, I’m sharing a few stories, and the legacy mom left us. 

Mom’s Legacy

When I think about the legacy mom left us, four words stand out:

• Love – which was visible in all things she touched

• Family – which was her everything

• Music – which was her passion

• Community – which she created wherever she was

Mom Stories

1. Love

Love was part of every conversation, decision, and choice mom made. It was present in her relationships and how she loved my dad, siblings, grandkids, family, friends, and me.

I remember after Allison was born and I was pregnant with baby #2, our beautiful Cassie. I was worried and scared, so I talked with my mom. Would I have enough love for another child? She assured me and said that love is an amazing thing. There is no limit on how much love we have. It keeps growing. And she was right. The more you love, the more love you have to give.

Always the teacher and role model, I watched mom. When each of her seven grandkids was born (Allison, Ryan, Cassie, Allegra, Hana, Halle, and Noa,) I saw mom’s heart expand as she welcomed them into the world with open arms and abundant love.

2. Gratitude

My mom was a grateful person. For years, maybe decades, I spoke with her at least once a day. Our calls were frequently about how grateful we were for the people we loved and the time spent together. She’d say, “That’s the good stuff!”

She always communicated a profound sense of gratitude for her family, friends, music, art, and the preciousness of time. Even as her dementia worsened and talking wasn’t always a viable way to communicate, she continued to express gratitude and appreciation in so many ways.

3. Mindfulness

For a brief period, when I was about 9 years old, I remember my mom told me that her friends, Jack and Erva Zuckerman, joined the Gurdjieff Society. The group encouraged a philosophy about life that fascinated her. One of the things my mom described was their belief in living mindfully, although I’m not sure they called it that. She gave an example- if you are making your bed, focus on just that one thing- smoothing the sheets, feeling the fabric, appreciating, and being in the moment.

Mom used to experiment with that idea and sometimes talked aloud to share it with me as she practiced mindfully washing the dishes, folding the laundry, or making the bed. I realized how in mom’s later years, she became my mindfulness guru in another way. Her dementia journey was long. Eventually, Mom lost her memory of the past and wasn’t aware of the future. With those changes, she modeled mindfulness and presence. She found joy in the present through playing piano, listening to music, singing, dancing, smiling, being with people who cared about her, exploring the garden, holding hands, feeling the sun on her face, or being playful.

When I was with her, I entered her world wherever she was, and we experienced the moments together. She helped me appreciate the now even more and savor the precious time I had with her.

4. Lifelong Bond

Mom loved telling me my birth story, which she shared often. She was fully awake when I was born, and the nurse handed me to her right away. She said, “You wrapped your tiny hand around my finger and squeezed it tightly.” Then she said, “I know we’ll be friends forever.” And she was right. We were always close.

Towards the end of her life, she hummed but barely talked. During one of my last visits with her before she died, I held her hand and sang her songs that she loved and used to sing to me. She swayed our hands gently to the rhythm of the music. Then suddenly, she squeezed my hand tightly and placed our hands together over her heart.

At the beginning of my life and the end of hers, there were no words. We shared touch, connection, and beautiful moments of love.

Letting go is never easy. Yet, in our letting go, the stories about those we love live on. Have you experienced letting go challenges or loss? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.

What do I mean by better balance and this season? It’s the holiday season that I’m referencing, a busy, chaotic, party and shopping-heavy time of year. By better balance, think about aiming for a balance that’s right for you, good enough, and factors in the shift that happens as festivities ramp up and the year draws to a close. I encourage you to let go of perfection as an idea or pursuit. It’s not necessary and will only add to your stress and unhappiness. Instead, what ways can you create a reasonable balance that incorporates what’s most important to you and limits the “should” or “have-to” elements?

3 Ways to Find a Better Balance . . .

FOMO and JOMO

Let’s start with the simple “yes” and “no.” There will be invitations to parties and gatherings. There will be requests to engage in a variety of personal and professional activities. There will be things we might not want to do but will feel obligated or responsible for doing. Just remember that you always have a choice. That decision is either a yes or a no. Remember that you don’t have to say “yes” to everything unless that’s what works for you. Two acronyms come to mind: FOMO and JOMO. The first, FOMO is the fear of missing out. We sometimes say yes to something just because we don’t want to be the only ones not present. But that yes might not always serve us. The second phrase is JOMO, the joy of missing out. This encourages you to honor yourself and recognize that not doing is sometimes the option that is most beneficial. In some instances, saying “no” brings you closer to being more balanced.

GOOD STUFF

Engaging in what truly brings you joy is a way of tipping your balance in a positive direction. Make sure to include as much of the “good stuff” this time of year. It might mean spending extended time with loved ones, cooking special holiday meals, throwing a gathering for friends, relaxing at home with a good book and a cozy blanket, or taking a long walk in the snow. There were so many parts of the Thanksgiving holiday that I enjoyed. Having my family around was beautiful. My heart is still full just thinking about their visit. Baking cookies together were at the top of the list of balance-inducing, joy-filled activities. Baking was something we did a lot of when our daughters were young and don't do as often now that they’re grown. Cassie, our youngest daughter, wanted to make Moravian Christmas cookies together, a recipe we baked many times when she was little (see video at end of post.) It was so much fun to cook with Cass, her boyfriend, and my husband. Measuring ingredients, stirring the mixture, rolling the dough, and cutting out shapes with the cookie cutters involved a present moment focus and mindfulness that enhanced our time together.

SQUARE ONE

Better balance also comes in the form of returning to square one and revisiting the basics. Especially this time of year, a bit of tweaking can go a long way to preparing you and your home for the holidays. While you might not have the time or energy now to take on a huge organizing project, think about the smaller ones that will create better balance. How about doing a quick edit of your clothing closet or drawers? Instead of that bursting at the seams feeling, you can create some breathing room for your clothes and self. Instead of decluttering all surfaces, pick one place in a central area that when clear, will help you move through your day more efficiently and make holiday entertaining less stressful. Then there are the other types of basics like having some additional pantry (beverages, crackers, pasta, cookies, nuts, cheese, dried fruit, paper goods) items on hand for last minute entertaining and guests. There are some self-basics like getting enough sleep, exercise, and hydration. Since we’re prone to indulging during the holidays, returning to these basics is essential. One of my go-to-balance-bringing-basics is meditating daily. Routinely practicing mindfulness meditation is especially helpful during this season to create groundedness, calm, and balance.

What helps with a better balance? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Come join the conversation!

Baking together . . .

I’m sure you’ve heard the question and response, “How do you eat an elephant?” … “One bite at a time.” Not that we’re eating or want to be eating elephants here, but there is a connection to be made. Managing or handling our accumulation of clutter can be daunting and downright overwhelming (like eating an enormous elephant.) However, similar to other large projects, if we break them down into teeny, tiny steps, we can quickly reduce overwhelm and progress forward.

So let me rephrase the question and response.

Q:  How do you edit clutter the simple way?

A:  One drawer and one decision at a time.

In the twenty-five years I’ve been helping my clients to get organized, I’ve seen this prove true time and again. We often start from that “overwhelmed” state. From there we work together one drawer, one surface, or one closet at a time to declutter, to let go, and to get organized. 

It’s always amazing to see how much gets edited out. Clutter has a way of collecting and being stored in deep, dark corners of rooms, containers and drawers, so that we no longer realize it’s there. However, when you begin to dig out drawer-by-drawer and corner-by-corner, it’s incredible to see what is uncovered. Even more fascinating is to see the volume of what we choose to release. 

Clutter has a way of accumulating over time. Things get stored and forgotten. Stuff remains beyond its usefulness. And since things have been hidden away, duplicate items have often been unknowingly purchased. So when we go through the editing process and realize we have 10 spatulas or 25 pairs of black pants or 40 coffee mugs, it makes decision-making and letting go much easier. Let’s be honest. Most of us just don’t need or really want 10 spatulas or 25 pairs of black pants.

To bring this back to the original question…How do you edit clutter the simple way?

Here’s one formula:

• Work in one small area at a time like a drawer, a counter top, or a closet rack.

• Group like with like as you edit. It makes decision-making easier when you can see your duplicate items together.

• Make one decision at a time. If you get stuck on one item, set it aside and move on to something else. Come back at the end of that section and decide before moving to the next area.

• Be ruthless. Remember that the less you have, the easier it will be to stay organized and find what you need. With less you will feel lighter and less encumbered.

Does this resonate with you? Have you or someone you know experienced clutter editing? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation!

Motivation is a funny thing. Sometimes it's just there with enough force and energy to help us easily activate and accomplish "x." When that happens, the doing almost seems effortless because we aren't fighting or negotiating with ourselves. The flip side is when we seem devoid of motivation. Making a decision, let alone actually doing something, seems out of reach and maybe even impossible. What have you noticed lately? Are you poised and ready or are you stuck and overwhelmed? Perhaps the specific type of action, project, or task influences your motivation level.

We are different and behave differently according to the circumstances. There are certain conditions that can nurture or sabotage our motivation. Are you familiar with these?

Sabotages Motivation

Distracted Mind

Distractions are part of human existence. Yet in today's world of being constantly connected and interrupted by our digital devices, those distractions have intensified. It's hard to complete a thought or task without interruptions. This can negatively affect motivation because it makes it that much harder to focus and complete what we're doing. We're only partially present. Taking some intentional digital blackout breaks, doing some deep breathing, or taking a walk in nature can shift the cycle and allow your mind and body to reconnect and release all the distractions.

Overcommitting

Is your calendar so full that every waking minute is scheduled? Do you find yourself overcommitting and under-delivering? There's nothing wrong with having a full plate. Yet if you are finding that you're missing deadlines, not getting enough sleep, or are procrastinating, all of these things can sabotage your motivation. Take a step back. What can you release from the "yes" pile? Test it out and observe what happens with motivation.

Lacking Sleep

Are you burning the candle at both ends? Exhaustion is a motivation killer. When we're operating from an exhausted state, everything takes longer, we make poor decisions, and our motivation is sluggish or even non-existent. Take a look at your sleep habits. Figure out how much sleep you need to best function. Experiment with some new sleep routines and find what works for you. As your mind and body get more sleep, notice the positive effect on your motivation.

“There are certain conditions that can nurture or sabotage our motivation.”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVOP™

Nurtures Motivation

Lightening Load

When we find the right personal balance of commitments, we have the energy and motivation to handle them. When we focus on saying "yes" to the projects, people, and causes that are most meaningful, motivation just flows.

Creating White Space

Free time doesn't just happen. To create that white space in our days, we need to carve it out intentionally. It can be used for doing or not doing. Having some uninterrupted, unscheduled time without any commitments other than to you is an essential motivation booster. How much white space you need or want on a given day will vary. My needs have shifted at different points in my life. These days I crave a daily dose that allows me the quiet and space to exercise, walk and practice mindfulness meditation. I wake early to begin my day with some calm and nurturing. Caring for myself gives me the energy and motivation to care for others.

Connecting With Loved Ones

Spending time with family and friends, whether that's in small doses (like taking a walk) or for an extended time (like vacationing), helps us to relax, play, and unwind. We share stories, challenges, and successes. We talk about the small and big things in life. Those connections make us part of something so that we're not alone in this world. They ground, inspire, and motivate us.

If you are motivationally challenged or know someone who is, do any of these concepts resonate with you?  Are you a motivation nurturer or a sabotager? What else have you observed? I'd love to hear your thoughts. Come join the conversation!