Change can be challenging. We often want the result, yet we aren’t ready to do the necessary work. That work can involve rethinking beliefs or letting go of physical or emotional clutter. It’s incredible how quickly change can happen when you harness time, motivation, and opportunity. At home, I recently experienced the confluence of these forces. I was surprised and delighted by what transpired. I hope my discoveries will help you with the change you seek.

The story begins with some context. We had the joy of having our youngest daughter and husband-to-be here for her birthday, our anniversary, and Father’s Day weekend. Due to COVID-19, we hadn’t seen them in many months, and it was incredible to be physically present. My heart is still full. To prepare, we quarantined and minimized outside exposure pre-visit, stayed healthy, and felt confident about being together.

One of our conversations was about their upcoming fall wedding. It’s no surprise that due to the pandemic, they altered their plans. They will have a small wedding hosted at our house with a virtual component. During our discussion about how to accommodate the social distancing concerns for the few in-person guests, we laid out chairs in our greenhouse, where the ceremony will be to visualize how this will work.

“It’s incredible how quickly change can happen when you harness time, motivation, and opportunity.”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®

A bit of background is helpful. Our greenhouse has been used for many things. It was a space to ride tricycles or do rainy day picnics when the girls were young. We used it for Cajun dance parties, a place to display the porcelain sign collection, and the bar location for holiday gatherings. It is a workspace for my husband’s woodworking machines and tools, a place to keep our Barber’s chairs, and, most recently, a room to actually grow plants. 

To allow proper social distancing in the greenhouse for the wedding guests, we needed more empty space. Approximately half of the room was filled with equipment, wood, and miscellaneous items that were no longer working or used. There were “someday” project supplies being stored too. Since Cassie and Matthew were over, they offered to help my husband, Steve, to move his equipment so we could increase the floor space for guests.

My husband is a talented man with many skills and hobbies. He’s also a collector of numerous things, including large equipment. And while he’s willing to let go, this isn’t easy for him. He enjoys collecting, and the Boy Scout in him likes to be prepared. Also, he has emotional attachments, as do I, to some things from the past. Believe me, I get it.

However, to my great surprise, during our discussions about moving “the stuff in the greenhouse,” it became clear that he was ready to let go of a few things. The decluttering began with one or two items and turned into him releasing a large quantity. So many things went. I placed ads on Craigslist and Facebook Marketplace for people to pick up items for free. Within a few hours, most of the curbside piles were gone. 

The Confluence of Three Forces That Encourage Change

Time.

So why was Steve able to let go and allow this change to happen after almost two decades? It turns out that time helped him get ready. You can’t push people before they are willing. He recognized that the items that had been useful and relevant were not anymore. He felt happy and lighter when he let things go. We’re both still smiling. I am so proud of him for his willingness to ask some hard questions, make big decisions, and let go.

Motivation.

Steve was highly motivated because we needed more space for the upcoming wedding ceremony. Never underestimate the value of a compelling motivation such as a significant life event (i.e., wedding, divorce, job loss, move, new baby) to facilitate decision-making and change.

Opportunity.

Cassie and Matthew were physically here, which presented an opportunity to do the work. We weren’t expecting it, but they offered to help. They were non-judgmental and gracious about talking things through, supporting Steve with his decisions, and schlepping stuff to the curb. Thank you, Cassie and Matthew! We feel more wedding-ready.

Enjoy this 20-second time-lapse video Matthew took during a portion of the greenhouse clear-out. The actual time we worked took many hours.

Has time, motivation, or opportunity influenced a change you’ve experienced? Are there ideas that resonate with you? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation! 

Clutter comes in many forms. Often we see a physical display with our paper piles, overflowing closets, or garages too full for the car. But there is also mental clutter where our thoughts take over in unproductive ways. Mind clutter causes undue anxiety and stress. Have you experienced mind clutter? If so, you’re not alone. One of my friends recently said to me that, especially now during the COVID-19 pandemic, it’s useful to let go of “If only…” from your vocabulary.

What valuable wisdom! Those “if only” phrases can breed regret and anxiety. They aren’t beneficial for your wellbeing or peace of mind. I noticed how often I was going down the “if only” road. I also realized how that type of thinking cluttered my mind and made me feel helpless. Have you walked down this path before?

Some of my mind cluttering thoughts focused on my mom. She has dementia and lives in a memory care facility. They have been on lockdown for almost two months, and I haven’t been able to visit her. Many residents there have died from COVID-19, and my mom tested asymptomatic positive a few weeks ago. I kept thinking, “If only I could see her.”  I worried about her wellbeing, whether she’d survive the virus, and whether I’d ever see her again. I know that many people are experiencing similar situations with their loved ones. It’s heartbreaking.

My mind was also cluttered with worry over our older daughter’s safety. She lives, works, and volunteers in Brooklyn, which is one of the hotbeds of the COVID-19 outbreak. I kept thinking, “If only I could bring her home or wrap her in a protective bubble.” I know. These thoughts were not realistic. She’s an adult and very much in charge of her own life. However, as her mom, my instinct to protect her flooded my thoughts.

“Those ‘if only’ phrases can breed regret and anxiety.”

— Linda Samuels

These are just a few examples of my internal “if only” conversations. I’m guessing you see how unproductive these thoughts were. I had no control over these situations. Little by little, I stopped using this phrase. Instead, I have been harnessing all the mindfulness resources I have available, like meditation, yoga, and nature. They help me focus on the present and relinquish control about uncertainties. I continually work at this. On the good days, I’m more agile and able to lean into what arises, be present with now, and stay in the moment. I let go of “if only.”

I’ve read that 85-90% of the things we worry about never happen. Mind clutter worry is unproductive. And as it turns out, it’s a good teacher too. There was a beautiful twist (and lesson) in my “if only” exploration. 

“Mind clutter worry is unproductive. And as it turns out, it’s a good teacher too.”

— Linda Samuels

Mom waving hello

Last week, I had in-person visit (masked and at a physical distance,) one with my mom and another with our daughter. I cannot begin to express how much good it did my heart and mind to be in their presence. What a joy being with them. Even though I received photos and regular updates about my mom, seeing her walk, sing, smile, and wave lifted my heart and spirits.

Our daughter, Allison, turned 30 this week. My husband and I drove to Brooklyn to bring her some birthday goodies and hang out for a quick visit. During the pandemic, we’ve talked and Zoomed, but being in her physical presence was such a gift. I felt settled, seeing that she was doing just fine.

Allison in Brooklyn - Two Tree Studios

In challenging times there is learning. And this time is a great teacher. I learned to let go of unproductive mind clutter, to release control over the uncontrollable, to trust the strength of others, and to soak in the beautiful moments of connection and calm. 

Have you experienced mind clutter recently? What helps you navigate the chatter? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation. 

Another week has passed as we navigate and adjust to the rapidly changing COVID-19 world crisis. More schools, local stores, restaurants, and industries have shut down, and additional closures are coming. We’re learning how to stay in place as we manage the new realities of family, health, work, or the lack thereof. Each one of us will be touched if we haven’t already, by loss of loved ones, income, and life as we knew it. People have described the “brain fog” and a general sense of anxiety they’re feeling. Others have shared how essential their need to stay connected to “community” is, especially at this time.

Each day brings a new awareness about how to cope with next, given all the uncertainty. I continue to learn and be inspired by you and the ways you are facing each day of unknowns with grace, compassion, and humor. None of us know how long this pandemic will last or in what ways our lives will be changed. We only have today. It is what we do today that matters.

Several things happened this week that helped me cope with next. I hope some of these will help you in the weeks ahead.

7 Uplifting Discoveries That Will Help You Cope With Next

1. Be Compassionate

Extending compassion to others comes in many forms, from offering a listening ear to sharing a smile with a stranger, to bringing groceries to someone who is homebound. One of my girlfriends told me about her friend that just started the initiative, Million Gallons. Their goal is to provide food security for restaurant, hospitality, and other workers that have been displaced by the coronavirus in Westchester County and New York City. A Million Gallons hopes to make and distribute one million gallons of soup. I am in awe of how quickly they mobilized with compassion and purpose to help those in need. To learn more about their compassion-driven cause, watch the video. What act of kindness have you experienced?

2. Identify Feelings

You might be feeling all kinds of emotions. Some of them you can easily name, while others are harder to identify. One of the feelings that surfaced in several conversations this past week was grief. On a Zoom call with my organizing colleagues, after listening to them share how they were feeling, it was clear that a few were experiencing grief. Their grief was not over the loss of a loved one. Instead, it was from their loss of purpose, of working, and of helping their clients. Later in the week, both my yoga teacher and Rabbi referenced the Harvard Business Review article, That Discomfort You’re Feeling Is Grief. In the article, David Kessler, the preeminent grief expert, explored how to acknowledge, manage, and find meaning in the pandemic-induced grief you could be experiencing. It’s an insightful piece that helped me feel gentler towards others and myself. What are you feeling right now?

3. Find Humor

In this time of social distancing and isolation, we are finding different ways of being engaged with the world. I’ve become more aware of how institutions such as museums, aquariums, and zoos are keeping us connected through video. One segment I saw this past week made me smile from ear to ear. Two penguins from the Shedd Aquarium in Chicago were allowed to run loose as they wandered around and toured the exhibits. It was so much fun to watch! What added humor to your day?

4. Notice Indicators

Being that I live in New York, which is one of the current COVID-19 outbreak hotbeds, my husband and I have been staying put. We only go out to get groceries, pick-up food from local restaurants, go on walks, take a drive to nowhere, or do yard work. When I’m out, I notice changes, especially at the grocery store. Several weeks ago, I saw shortages of toilet paper, hand sanitizer, and disinfecting wipes. As the weeks continued, additional items came into short supply like hand soap, dish soap, paper towels, tissues, cleaning supplies, ice cream, eggs, Tylenol, chicken broth, and chicken. And this week, when I went to the market, the chicken and ice cream had been replenished, but the entire supply of chocolate chip morsels had been ravaged. Those shelves were completely empty. I realized that one of the home activities parents were doing with their kids was baking cookies. A happy feeling ran through me, as I was flooded with love-filled memories of baking with our daughters. What indicators are you noticing?

5. Get Creative

It’s been fascinating to watch how companies and individuals are using the pause to get creative with projects, how they do business or infuse creativity in their days. Baked By Susan, one of our local bakeries, put together “decorate your own cupcake” kits. One of my friends is busy knitting a complicated cardigan. I’ve been testing out some new recipes, writing, taking photos, and creating organizing videos. One of the recent recipes I tried from the Yotam Ottolenghi’s Simple cookbook that my daughter, Allison, gave me was mashed sweet potato with lime salsa. It was so delicious and easy to make. If you’d like the recipe, let me know in the comments, and I’ll share it with you. What creative outlets are catching your attention?

6. Seek Connections

You might be isolating, but you are not alone. There are different ways that we connected with people before the pandemic. And temporarily, many of those intentional and casual points of contact have now been cut off. But we are social beings. We need one another. One of the things that have kept me sane is finding new ways to connect and “be with” the various communities and people in my life. Zoom has been a positive and satisfying way of staying connected with family, friends, colleagues, yoga, organizing, and spiritual communities. I recognize that not everyone feels connected to a community. If you are struggling, feeling alone and isolated, the COVID-19 Emotional Support Hotline is 844-863-9314. What way has connecting changed for you during this time?

7. Explore Nature

We experience many positive benefits for our wellbeing when we spend time in nature. Can you recall a recent time when you walked in the woods, felt the fresh air and sun on your skin, or dipped your toes in the sea? Being surrounded by nature can be restorative for our minds and bodies. Lately, I’ve mostly been walking in the woods since the path is less crowded than other local spots. But this week, I walked along the Hudson River path. I loved being by the water, hearing the birds sing, and seeing the spring foliage just beginning to bloom. I know that not everyone has access to or the desire to be outdoors. One of the other discoveries I made this week was from the New York Botanical Garden. Like many institutions, they too have temporarily closed. However, you can take a virtual tour of their magnificent orchid exhibit. So if you love seeing, but not being in nature, try a remote viewing. In what way does nature improve your wellbeing?

When we are experiencing grief and other strong emotions, it’s hard to think about next. In this time, next might need to be a big dose of self-compassion. Or, perhaps it will be you reaching out to someone else that is hurting. Regardless, there are ways to cope and simultaneously uplift yourself and others. What have you discovered? What has inspired you? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to leave a comment and join our conversation.

What do tooth fairies, working mothers, and fathers have in common? We’re all about the kids, our work is never done, and we keep late hours. Our girls have long ago passed the tooth fairy stage. The jig is up, and they know now that for the many years of visits, Mom and Dad weren’t just the tooth fairy’s assistant, but they were actually the tooth fairy.

In the process of helping our youngest daughter organize and get ready for college we came across some things that brought back memories of those days. Tucked away in one of her drawers was the “tooth fairy pillow.” Each time she lost a tooth, that special pillow would magically appear in the night with her tooth, some money and a limerick tucked into its pocket. When I asked Cassie if she still wanted the pillow, she looked at me in surprise, hugged it and said, “Of course!”

As we organized her room, going through drawers and shelves, we also came across the box of teeth and the famous tooth fairy limericks, which were neatly clipped together. So at this point, I’m guessing that you’re wondering what the heck is a tooth fairy limerick?

In our family, the tradition that my husband invented was that each time our girls lost a tooth, the tooth fairy would not only leave a token amount of money, but would write a limerick that reflected how the tooth was lost. So each of our girls have quite the collection.

The back-story is that Steve and I would wait until they went to sleep. As working parents, this was often a difficult thing to do because by the time they were asleep, we were exhausted. But we were devoted to the tradition. You can imagine trying to be clever at 11pm, midnight, 1am. You get the picture. I’d like to say we collaborated, but mostly, he was the writer and I consulted, laughed or just tried NOT to fall asleep before the writing was done. This was serious parenting business! I remember many silly nights of limerick writing.

Here is one of my favorites-

“On the eve of the millennium

we found

that dear Cassie’s front tooth

came unwound.

She wanted it out,

so she pulled it about,

‘till that tooth popped right out

in her hand.”

Helping our youngest get ready for college is bittersweet. Preparing together involves visiting her past, reviewing her life and getting her ready for the future. When we came across the pillow, teeth and limericks, the three of us stopped while Steve read out loud all the limericks to us. What a beautiful tribute to Cassie, to parenting, to capturing significant moments and to recognizing what letting go is all about. Those limericks honored transitions- the loss of one thing and the moving ahead to something new.

Whether it’s kids loosing teeth, leaving the nest or something else, what transitions are you going through now?