There are times each day that encourages me to pause and notice. These mindful moments prevent me from moving to that next step on my daily to-do list. They remind me that while it’s helpful to be productive and get stuff done, stopping for a gratitude or reflection break is essential too. Have you experienced this?

I have an Anna Quindlen quote displayed on my desk, which says, “I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less.” I extend this idea to the quality of my days. The next step often implies taking action that will further our project or goal. That’s essential. However, we can also interpret action to include reflecting, appreciating and noticing life’s treasures.

What made my next step be a stop and notice?  There were several things I’ll share with you. I’m curious about what you’ve been noticing lately, too.

3 Ways to Embrace Mindfulness

Next Step, Spring

It’s still officially winter, but signs of spring are all around. Some days I’ve gone coatless. And considering that only a few weeks ago, we were knee-deep in snow, and with freezing temperatures, a no-coat day feels pretty darn spectacular. But the spring sign that speaks, “spring is almost here,” more than any other, is when outside of our dining room window, the first purple crocus emerges from the earth. From the time our daughters were little, they were always on the lookout for the first crocus. I remember the joyous sounds of squealing and delight when they’d see it bloom. They’d rush to tell me in excited voices, “Look, look! The first crocus is out!!!” We’d run to the window together to appreciate the change. Then we’d go outside to take a closer look at this beautiful flower.

This past week, the purple crocus appeared. I felt just as excited and hopeful to see it as I have all of these years. I went outside to admire and appreciate its beauty and sign that spring is on its way. Life will once again begin to bloom.

Next Step, Hugs

Has anyone else seen the news articles that have been surfacing lately about how people isolated because of the pandemic are spending money to visit unique farms to hug cows? Yes, cows! This wellness trend of cow hugging or koe knuffelen, which originated in the Netherlands, has made its way to the United States. Apparently, cuddling a cow can increase our oxytocin levels, which is the hormone released in social bonding.

While my husband and I have been together during the pandemic and get to hug each other frequently, we have truly missed being with our children and embracing them. This past weekend, our daughter, Allison, visited us, and before the walking, talking, cooking, or eating, we stopped and hugged. It was the best next step ever! It’s not that I forgot. I was reminded how important and meaningful physical contact is to me. It’s the simple exchange of a hug or holding hands that express love, connection, and appreciation.

“Next can mean mindfully appreciating the moment.”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO™

Next Step, Inspiration

Walking is part of every day. I love getting outside to move and explore. I tend to be a creature of habit, which extends to my walking routes. I mix it up sometimes, but most frequently choose a path along the Hudson River. When Allison visited us, she wanted to explore another spot in Croton. We ended up at this hidden beach, which my husband and I had only been to one other time. Aside from the gorgeous east river views, the landscape was covered with driftwood, reeds, rocks, and shells in unusual patterns and colors. Visual inspiration was all around as we stopped to capture the images and as I paused to appreciate being together with Steve and Allison.

Your next step doesn’t have to equal accomplishment. Next can mean mindfully appreciating the moment. Was your next step a pause to notice? What has captured your attention recently? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.

Have you ever tried to create a new habit or behavior? Altering your habit cue will encourage a different result. For example, if you want to stop losing your keys, you can put a small bowl in a landing spot to catch your keys when you enter your home. The bowl becomes your new cue and helps to change your habit. No more misplaced keys because you have established a specific home where you will always find them. This sounds good, right? What happens when you successfully put your keys in the bowl for days, even months, and then one time you forget to do it? You frantically hunt for your misplaced keys and berate yourself for losing them. How do you bounce back from there? Do you give up? Do you engage in negative self-talk? Will you embrace a fresh start even after your break in continuity?

Recently, I had an upsetting experience with one of my habits. I’ve been practicing mindfulness meditation for four years. I’ve meditated almost daily with a gap here and there. For a while now, Insight Timer has been my favorite meditation app. Aside from the app offering diverse meditations and teachers to choose from, it also tracks my activity. So I know how many consecutive days I’ve meditated. To help keep me committed to my practice, I also use a daily repeat on my to-do list that cues me. 

So what happened? I intentionally deviated from my normal morning routine, including mindfulness meditation, so I could make a special birthday breakfast for my husband. My plan was to meditate later that day or at bedtime. However, the day got away from me for various reasons, and before I realized it, it was past midnight. I missed my practice that day. I’ve missed meditation practice a day or two at other times, so why was I so upset? I mentioned before that Insight Timer tracks my activity. Up until the other day, I had 390 consecutive days of practice. By missing that single day, the consecutive days counter restarted. I was so disappointed in myself. How could I have missed a day? The negative self-talk was quite insistent. And then something happened. I asked, “What lesson can I learn?” I wanted to shift my unhelpful thinking to a more positive, growth-oriented mindset.

“What lesson can I learn?”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO

3 Lessons Learned From My Break in Continuity

1. It’s just a number.

Seeing the consecutive days’ number increase after each meditation gives me a motivation boost. But the reason I meditate has nothing to do with the number. I meditate to feel calmer, provide quiet space, practice focus, shift attention, and be more mindful. None of those things have anything to do with a number. I don’t meditate for the gold star or days tracked by the app. However, by missing one practice, I recognized how reliant I had become on the tracker, which wasn’t healthy.

What I know is the more I practice, the better I feel, and the more I’m able to regulate my emotions. The 390 consecutive days I practiced aren’t lost. And the meditations ahead will continue to be helpful. I reminded myself to use the tracking if it helps but recognizing it only represents a tiny part of the entire story. 

2. Understand the “what-the-hell effect.”

I recently attended a meeting with fellow Executive Mom Nest Advisor, Monica Moore, a health and fertility coach. She talked about habit change and how certain actions can derail us. Monica described the “what-the-hell effect,” a term behavioral scientists use. It’s a feeling of shame we can experience when we mess up and deviate from a habit we’ve established. For example, let’s say you committed to not eating ice cream. You successfully eliminated it from your diet. Then one day, you eat a small spoonful. Instead of stopping there, you down the entire pint thinking, “I already screwed- up, so I might as well keep going.” 

This made me think about missing my morning meditation practice. I could have gone down the “what-the-hell” path. But I rejected the ‘all or nothing’ thinking. Yes, I made one sidestep that I was unhappy about. However, I stepped back in the following day, practiced, and gifted myself a fresh start.

3. When all else fails, let go.

I woke up to face the Insight Timer app. After my morning meditation, I knew that the consecutive days displayed wouldn’t increase to 391 but would revert to just 1. Ouch. My berating began again, which wasn’t helpful. I wanted to reframe my negative thoughts. I selected one of my favorite practices, Letting Go Meditation, guided by Annemaree Rowley. Before the meditation ended, she read a poem by Erin Hanson. I love the last line, “. . . not everything you ever lose, is bound to be a loss.” How true that is. I lost consecutive day 391. However, in doing so, I strengthened my commitment to my practice, remembered my why, and let go of the negative self-talk. 

“. . . not everything you ever lose, is bound to be a loss.”

— Erin Hanson

Is it possible to embrace a fresh start, especially when your habit or goal get derailed? You always have the opportunity to begin again. When you go off course, what helps you move forward? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.

As human beings, we can access life’s small things that can bring joy, gratitude, and some normalcy into our lives. And right now, at this moment in time, couldn’t you use a small piece of that? Life feels especially tumultuous with COVID-19 numbers soaring, a presidential election building to a crescendo, countries and regions returning to lockdowns, social, economic, political unrest, a recession, job and housing losses, and an undercurrent of anxiety. We’re resilient humans, but this a lot to live through and process.

A few months ago, my friend shared an article by science journalist Tara Haelle, Your ‘Surge Capacity’ Is Depleted – It’s Why You Feel Awful. It’s a must-read. One of the questions Tara asked spoke to me. I wrote it down to save for a rainy day, and today is that day. Tara asked,

“How do you adjust to an ever-changing situation where the ‘new normal’ is indefinite uncertainty?”

— Tara Haelle

I love her question! How do we adjust when there are so many unknowns? How do we change when our energy is depleted from being in a chronic state of crisis? While I am confident that you will find your way forward despite the uncertainty, Tara offers many suggestions, which include . . .

• Recognizing you’re experiencing loss

• Accepting now that life is different

• Expecting less from yourself

• Focusing on self-care

• Deepening your relationships

• Nurturing your “resilience bank account”

I’m going to add one more, which is honoring a commitment to yourself or someone else. One of the promises I made to myself during the pandemic was to walk every day. Getting outside in nature has been essential for my well-being, mind, and body. Walking may not seem like a big deal, but it took a pandemic for me to turn this into a daily habit. Here’s the thing. I’m not a fan of rain and cold weather. Our New York spring has morphed into summer and now fall. The weather, feeling more wintry, has become a less desirable condition for my walks.

Yesterday was yucky. Yes. I did just use that word. It was cold, damp, and rainy. It was the afternoon, and I hadn’t yet walked. But I made a commitment, right? I opened the front door to investigate the situation and quickly closed it, announcing to my husband that it didn’t look like a good day for a walk. He asked me a simple question, “Don’t you have your purple rain boots?” He didn’t criticize me or make me feel bad for almost going back on my promise. Instead, he gently reminded me that I had the tools I needed.

Steve knows how much I love my purple rubber rain boots. The thought of wearing them motivated me to venture out. I put them on, added a few extra layers for warmth, a rain jacket, gloves, mask, and umbrella. The two of us headed outside in the rain. I loved the sound as the rain tapped on the umbrella. The rubber boots made my feet feel bouncy with each step on the pavement. I appreciated Steve’s company as we talked, walked, and noticed the changing fall landscape.

At that moment in time, surrounded by the rain, there was a feeling of normalcy, some calm within, and a sense of satisfaction that I kept my commitment with some encouragement from Steve.

From one human to another, when normalcy feels elusive, what helps you? What resources from within can you access? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.

When it comes to habits, we have some keepers, our good practices, and those less desirable or bad ones we’d like to see gone. Maintaining good ones and altering bad ones can be challenging. However, with some help and understanding about the science of habit formation and habit loops, it’s possible to make the changes you want.  When I think about my positive habits, they include meditating daily, walking in nature, and staying organized. Some of my less desirable habits are not getting enough exercise, eating too many sweets, and not planning meals. Can you relate to any of these?

There are two authors I’ve featured on the blog who wrote insightful and inspiring books about habit change. To learn more, click on the links below:

• The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg

• Atomic Habits by James Clear

If you need help letting go of your bad habits, begin here. The folks at Quill just released an easy-to-understand infographic How to Reframe Bad Habits to Boost Your Productivity (see below) based on Charles Duhigg’s book The Power of Habit. The graphic concisely explains habit formation, habit change, and the three habit loop components- cue, routine, and reward. It also highlights the most common habits that can negatively affect your productivity and what to do about them. 

How to Reframe Bad Habits to Boost Your Productivity | Quill.com

As Charles Duhigg says,

“Transforming a habit isn’t necessarily easy or quick. It isn’t always simple. But it is possible. And now we understand how.”

Have you had success or challenges with habit change? Have you ever enlisted help to change a habit? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.