We’ve all been through a lot with the pandemic, change, loss, political unrest, uncertainty, and this sense that life is and will continue to be different. We’ve had to be flexible, resilient, and creative. Last year, many of us canceled Thanksgiving and other holidays that we usually celebrated. Instead, we found different ways to “be together.” Zoom was our new best friend. It was a lost year of non-celebrations and sadness for some of us because we missed the human contact and in-person gatherings. 

Personally, I’ve felt a great hole from the loss of my mom, who died this year. Yet somehow, as the months have passed, while I miss her greatly, I’m also feeling such gratitude for the wonderful people who are here. Through the tumult, friends, family, and colleagues have brought moments of joy and lightness to a challenging time. We’ve stayed connected through texts, emails, phone calls, social media, Zoom, FaceTime, and in person. 

My conversations this fall, which often were “walk and talks,” covered everything from challenges to successes, plans, hopes, dreams, family, friends, work, travel, feelings, stories, tears, laughter, and so much more. Many of these treasured moments happened while we walked side-by-side, taking in the beautiful views of nature or hearing the crunch of the leaves as our feet made contact with the forest floor. 

What does any of this have to do with organizing? Organizing can be about managing our physical stuff and also how we use and prioritize our time. Between pivoting my business to virtual organizing and letting go of things to “live with less,” I made time to stay connected. Life isn’t all about working and doing. It’s also about having time with the special people in your life. 

“Life isn’t all about working and doing.”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO™

I am so profoundly grateful for my family, friends, colleagues, and clients. Life would not be the same without you. There are too many people to name. But I’d like to give a special shout-out to my wonderful husband, Steve, our amazing kiddos Cassie and Allison, and beautiful friends old and new Joanne, Yota, Christine, and Juliet. Thank you for the many ways you share your wisdom, love, and light.

Grateful for wonderful family and friends who bring their special blend of wisdom, compassion, humor, love, and light to this world.

As we navigate the holiday season, who do you want to connect with? Who are you grateful for? How do you connect with the people most important to you? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.

What happens when you need to work, push, and get things done, yet you feel like doing the exact opposite? When needs and wants conflict, which one wins out? Are you able to let go? Do you forge ahead despite the competing feelings? Do you compromise? Do you listen to the voice that is pulling you in the ‘opposite’ direction? Does procrastination take hold?

As I’ve described before, my natural tendency is to push myself. It’s not that I’m always working. I’m not. I purposely take breaks, have work boundaries, and make time to not do. However, I can still be hard on myself. It’s this deep sense I have to continually strive and complete. It’s not necessarily a negative thing, but there are times, like now, when my usual mode of operating competes with the loss and grief I’m experiencing. My typically wider bandwidth feels much narrower these days. It is only a few weeks since my mom died, and I have less energy.

“I was willing to let go of my expectations and listen to what my heart and mind needed.”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO™

I gifted myself a compromise. Instead of writing more, I’ll share a video of the places I’ve been exploring with you. I’ve enjoyed being outside in the spring air to walk, see, smell, capture, and experience its beauty and magnificence. It’s just what I needed. Seeing the Hudson Valley landscape green and burst with color again feels beautifully affirming and hopeful.

I was willing to let go of my expectations and listen to what my heart and mind needed. Quiet time with nature called. What have you let go of recently? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.

For years, possibly decades, I spoke with my mom at least once a day. Over time, as her dementia worsened, the phone was no longer a viable way to communicate. I miss our conversations. Our calls frequently were about the people we loved and the time spent together. She’d say, “That’s the good stuff!”  She always communicated a deep sense of gratitude for her family, friends, music, art, and the preciousness of time. 

As the world begins to start, pause, and restart, so much uncertainty and distress exist. What life will look like a month or year from now is impossible to know. Yet, each day we forge forth with work, family, projects, and life. We move ahead despite the considerable uncertainty. It can feel exhausting, overwhelming, or scary. In your mix of doing, are you making time to notice and embrace the “good stuff?”

What is on your “good stuff” list? Here are some of mine:

• Waking up each morning

• Opening my eyes after meditating 

• Taking the first sip of coffee from my favorite mug

• Holding hands with my husband

• Hearing the sound of rain hitting the window panes

• Walking by the river

• Hugging my daughter, especially after being apart for six months

• Baking lemon blueberry muffins

• Picking herbs from my mini garden

• Capturing images of people, places, and nature with my camera

• Swimming in my friend’s pool

• Hearing birds sing

• Touching a very soft blanket

• Sitting quietly

• Biting into a big, juicy piece of watermelon

• Writing with my favorite pen

• Watching the leaves rustle in the breeze

• Having a conversation (phone, Zoom, or in-person) with a friend or loved one

• Relaxing in the hammock

• Eating a chocolate brownie Yasso pop

• Seeing my client experience an “ah-ha” moment during their virtual organizing session

• Writing in my journal

• Watching a good movie, or even a bad one

• Kayaking on any river

• Discovering new tomatoes growing on my cherry tomato plant

• Being still during the last ten minutes of yoga class

• Discovering vibrantly colored flowers

• Reading a good book

• Learning something new

• Getting into bed at the end of the day

“In your mix of doing, are you making time to notice and embrace the good stuff?”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®

Time is a gift. Some of our time will be spent navigating the daily doings of life. Included with responsibilities and commitments are also those things that make your heart sing. Or, as my mom would say, “the good stuff.” What is one thing you include on your list? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation!

What is it with guilt and the difficulty of letting it go? We feel guilty when we think we’ve done something wrong or failed to do something we thought we should have done. We blame ourselves when something we feel responsible for we didn’t do. During several recent conversations, I’ve noticed that we’ve been especially hard on ourselves and experienced many types of guilt. We’re living in an unusual time. The world is in crisis because of the COVID-19 pandemic. Life has changed overnight for many of us, and we are adjusting to living differently. Stress and emotions are heightened, as is our tendency for self-blame and guilt.

Let’s be kinder. We are living in a raw wound-like state. Letting go of guilt is an act of self-compassion. There are several guilt themes I’ve noticed. I’ll share them with you, along with some encouragement for letting go. What have you observed? 

How to Let Go of Guilt During the COVID-19 Crisis

Productivity Guilt

In a recent The New York Times article, “Stop Trying to Be Productive,” Taylor Lorenz makes the case that the message we’re hearing is that we should be more productive with the “extra hours” we were gifted because of the pandemic. However, our experience is quite different. Even though we might have freed-up hours in the day because we aren’t commuting to work or have no work, we are exhausted. We’re finding it challenging enough to take care of the basics. So we are experiencing productivity guilt because we aren’t organizing our decades of memorabilia, cleaning out our garages, writing that novel, or accomplishing more in a day. Let your productivity guilt go.

I admit to erring on the side of staying productive. I want to accomplish things. But I also recognize that we are experiencing grief-like symptoms. So instead of pushing and expecting, we need to be gentle and compassionate. Adjust your expectations of what productivity looks like for now. Instead, focus on what you need to feel healthy, calm, and sane. That might mean a shift to a human being rather than doing.

Being Normal Guilt

Daily meditation is an essential part of my morning routine. Especially now, I am so grateful for this practice. Most days, I use guided meditations on the Insight Timer app. Lately, I’ve been experimenting with some newly released practices that focus on helping us navigate the COVID-19 crisis. They help me with discovering useful perspectives, offering calming strategies, and increasing compassion for self and others. In a recent practice, I listened to Rick Breden’s “Six Questions to Ask Yourself During COVID-19.” Rick is a psychotherapist and CEO of Behavioral Essentials. He asked this question,“What expectations of normal am I letting go of today?”

“What expectations of normal am I letting go of today?”

— Rick Breden

I loved that question because so many of us expect that we should be living like business as usual. But there is nothing ordinary about this time. Having some grace to let go of “normal,” means we can also let go of that guilt. We can let go of should and gift ourselves flexibility and the time needed to adjust to living differently.

Boundaries Guilt

I predict that at some point, you will be directly touched by COVID-19. You might have a family member, coworker, or patient that has it.  As humans, we’re wired to help people. Many people are being asked to go above and beyond to serve and help others while they are potentially putting themselves in harm’s way. Healthcare workers are being asked to be on the front lines and possibly come out of retirement or enter the workforce pre-graduation to assist all those in need. You might have a family member living with or near you that is ill and needs your help, which could put you in danger of also getting sick. Each of us has to decide what we are willing and not willing to do. What risks are we willing to take? And choosing not to help in every situation can result in a lot of guilt. This is a personal choice and a difficult one. If you are experiencing guilt around asserting your boundaries, I understand. Consider what you need to feel safe and remain healthy. Let the boundary guilt go.

Commitment Guilt

When I commit to something or someone, I like to honor my word. If I don’t, I feel guilty, and as though I’ve failed myself and the other person. This has happened a few times in the past few weeks. Circumstances were such that I wasn’t able to be at an event I had committed to or plan an annual event. In one instance, a family member needed my help, and that took priority over another commitment. In the other case, I recognized I didn’t have the bandwidth now to plan a large (virtual) gathering. And even though intellectually I understood the reasons, I was harsh with myself. I felt guilty for changing what I had committed to. I recognized that the kindness I needed was to let go of that guilt. So if you have experienced something similar, it’s time to let go. Grant yourself some grace and flexibility. Be open to adjusting your commitments if needed, guilt-free.

Complaint Guilt

There are so many horrific things happening in the world. People are dying, losing their jobs, and unable to feed their families. Communities are being destroyed. Health care workers are overworked and don’t have adequate protective gear and supplies to help those in need. Because there are so many horrible things going on, we feel guilty complaining about inconveniences like having spring vacation taken away or being unhappy with having to work virtually. There will always be someone that has it worse than you do. So instead of feeling guilty about complaining, perhaps turn it around and focus on gratitude. You can be grateful that you have a job, and simultaneously be upset and guilty that you don’t like how you’re being asked to do your job right now. Those two things can exist simultaneously. It doesn’t make you a bad person. It’s important to honor and express your feelings. Complaining or expressing is cathartic. Let go of the guilt and need we have to do it.

Communication Guilt

Many of us are in more intense contact with people now. We use a variety of ways to keep in touch and reach through the phone, email, texts, letters, Face Time, Skype, Zoom, or other platforms. Some of us are communicating with family, friends, and coworkers in new ways or more frequently. For some of us, it might feel like a full-time job. There are so many people we are concerned about in various corners of the world and in our lives. After several weeks of this, some of us are beginning to feel exhausted by the pandemic talk. Even though we think we should be reaching out, what we really feel like doing is retreating into our cocoon. No talking. No communicating. Just being still and quiet. That response is resulting in some feelings of guilt. After all, we keep hearing how important it is to stay in touch with people. So many are isolated. For those feeling guilty about wanting to communicate less, let your guilt go. Honor your needs. This doesn’t have to be an all or nothing. Take a break or reach out less frequently. Adjust what enough feels like.

We’re all feeling raw with the changes and uncertainty. It’s essential to focus on those things that lift us up, reduce stress, and help us feel centered. From there, we can increase our reserves so we have something left to help others. Guilt depletes us. Be generous with your self-compassion. Are you having difficulty letting go of guilt? What are you experiencing? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to leave a comment and join the conversation.