In my life and the organizing work, I do with clients, letting go can be accompanied by loss and intense emotions. Loss can be of a loved one, a move away from a treasured home, a change in family structure, or a job.

Even when a change is something we want, letting go of what was, is inevitable. Because without letting go, we cannot move forward and remain stuck in the past. For some, letting go can be freeing. For others, the process is painful. It depends on the person and circumstance.

Letting Go Slowly

My mom died last month. I’ve been thinking a lot about the ways I’ve had to let go in these years. There has been letting go of her as her dementia worsened, along with the physical stuff that she owned. About four years ago, we moved mom from her home of almost 60 years into a memory care unit in an assisted living facility. At that time, I cleared out and sold her house. This was the home I grew up in and that our family gathered in for almost six decades. 

There was so much letting go that happened then. While the family wanted many of my parents’ belongings, there were many things they didn’t take. The leftovers were sold, recycled, donated, or discarded. We let go of the house contents and then the actual house. It was necessary, but I felt a profound loss and shift. 

More Letting Go

By the time I moved my mom into The Ambassador, her possessions fit into the contents of one room. She had just what she needed. No more. No less. I decorated her room before moving in so she would feel comfortable being surrounded by her favorite art, music, family photos, and piano.

After she died, I cleared out her room. It struck me how simple the process was compared to clearing out her home. The most challenging work I already did. But I noticed something interesting. While I had loving offers from my husband and kids to help pack up her room, I needed to do it myself. For me, part of letting go included touching her things one last time. I carefully packed up the framed pictures. I washed and gently folded her clothes before passing them on. For so many years, I had taken care of my mom and all of her things. I wanted to give them one last loving touch goodbye as I packed them up and routed them to family or the donation place.

“Letting go requires patience, time, readiness, and space to get there.”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO™

Balancing Loss

Grief isn’t something you get over. It’s something you live with that never entirely goes away but varies in intensity. I said earlier that one reason we let go is so we can move forward. And I get that. I believe that. But I also know that letting go requires patience, time, readiness, and space to get there. To help balance the emotions and grief, I’ve spent a lot of time these past weeks taking walks, resting, meditating, writing, talking with family and friends, getting fresh air, noticing the spring flowers, and being in the woods or near water. These help me focus on the present, reflect on the past, slowly let go, and move on. 

Some types of letting go are more energizing. This one, losing my mom and wrapping up her life, feels different. I’m being gentle with myself as I continue letting go, handle the remaining details of mom’s life, and find my way forward.

Is letting go a challenge for you? Does it feel different when it is accompanied by loss? What helps you let go? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.

Letting go is never easy, even when it’s anticipated. On March 27th, my beautiful 92-year old mother, Wilma Simon Machover, died peacefully in the morning light while listening to Mozart. While her passing was expected as she had been fading these past few months, none of us thought it would happen on that day. But she was ready. As some of you may know, this has been a long goodbye. Mom was diagnosed with vascular dementia eight years ago, a year after my dad died. Her dementia presented many challenges but also learning opportunities and so much love.

In this time of grief, I am deeply moved by the outpouring of messages, support, and loving gestures from family and friends. Thank you so much for your kindness and the beautiful ways you have helped me and my family honor and celebrate my mom’s life.

It’s impossible to summarize her extraordinary life in a few words because there are so many stories and ways that she touched our lives. Instead, I’m sharing a few stories, and the legacy mom left us. 

Mom’s Legacy

When I think about the legacy mom left us, four words stand out:

• Love – which was visible in all things she touched

• Family – which was her everything

• Music – which was her passion

• Community – which she created wherever she was

Mom Stories

1. Love

Love was part of every conversation, decision, and choice mom made. It was present in her relationships and how she loved my dad, siblings, grandkids, family, friends, and me.

I remember after Allison was born and I was pregnant with baby #2, our beautiful Cassie. I was worried and scared, so I talked with my mom. Would I have enough love for another child? She assured me and said that love is an amazing thing. There is no limit on how much love we have. It keeps growing. And she was right. The more you love, the more love you have to give.

Always the teacher and role model, I watched mom. When each of her seven grandkids was born (Allison, Ryan, Cassie, Allegra, Hana, Halle, and Noa,) I saw mom’s heart expand as she welcomed them into the world with open arms and abundant love.

2. Gratitude

My mom was a grateful person. For years, maybe decades, I spoke with her at least once a day. Our calls were frequently about how grateful we were for the people we loved and the time spent together. She’d say, “That’s the good stuff!”

She always communicated a profound sense of gratitude for her family, friends, music, art, and the preciousness of time. Even as her dementia worsened and talking wasn’t always a viable way to communicate, she continued to express gratitude and appreciation in so many ways.

3. Mindfulness

For a brief period, when I was about 9 years old, I remember my mom told me that her friends, Jack and Erva Zuckerman, joined the Gurdjieff Society. The group encouraged a philosophy about life that fascinated her. One of the things my mom described was their belief in living mindfully, although I’m not sure they called it that. She gave an example- if you are making your bed, focus on just that one thing- smoothing the sheets, feeling the fabric, appreciating, and being in the moment.

Mom used to experiment with that idea and sometimes talked aloud to share it with me as she practiced mindfully washing the dishes, folding the laundry, or making the bed. I realized how in mom’s later years, she became my mindfulness guru in another way. Her dementia journey was long. Eventually, Mom lost her memory of the past and wasn’t aware of the future. With those changes, she modeled mindfulness and presence. She found joy in the present through playing piano, listening to music, singing, dancing, smiling, being with people who cared about her, exploring the garden, holding hands, feeling the sun on her face, or being playful.

When I was with her, I entered her world wherever she was, and we experienced the moments together. She helped me appreciate the now even more and savor the precious time I had with her.

4. Lifelong Bond

Mom loved telling me my birth story, which she shared often. She was fully awake when I was born, and the nurse handed me to her right away. She said, “You wrapped your tiny hand around my finger and squeezed it tightly.” Then she said, “I know we’ll be friends forever.” And she was right. We were always close.

Towards the end of her life, she hummed but barely talked. During one of my last visits with her before she died, I held her hand and sang her songs that she loved and used to sing to me. She swayed our hands gently to the rhythm of the music. Then suddenly, she squeezed my hand tightly and placed our hands together over her heart.

At the beginning of my life and the end of hers, there were no words. We shared touch, connection, and beautiful moments of love.

Letting go is never easy. Yet, in our letting go, the stories about those we love live on. Have you experienced letting go challenges or loss? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.

Perhaps now, more than any other season, it’s a time of giving. Enticements to shop, spend, and find those perfect gifts, along with increased solicitation requests to make charitable donations, fuel our urge to give. We feel good and balanced when we give. I’m not just talking about physical or monetary gifts.

In the last few weeks, I’ve experienced how giving comes in many other forms.

7 Types of Gifts Your People Will Love

Gift of Time – Recently, my husband and I were invited to share a lovely home cooked meal and leisurely conversation with wonderful friends. After dinner, we went to a reading of new play sponsored by the Hudson Stage Company. We continued our evening out with dessert and coffee at a local restaurant. The gift was in the time spent together.

Gift of Teaching  – My daughter, who is an excellent cook, gave me cooking lessons for my birthday. She is the teacher. Allison created and put on a flash drive a list of her favorite cooking sites and recipes. The gift includes purchasing the ingredients and making five main dishes and desserts that we’ll cook together. So far we’ve had two lessons. She’s a great teacher and fabulous company. Cooking, smiling, talking, wine drinking, all while learning from my daughter.

Gift of Repair  – There are always things that need fixing. I feel lucky that my husband happens to be pretty darn amazing at repairing things when he has the time. Of course, time is what’s in the shortest supply. Recently, he fixed an overhead light by installing a new socket. It’s a light I regularly use that had literally been on the blink for a long time. Every time I turn it on, I think of Steve. I’m grateful for him and his expertise. This was a simple, yet love-filled repair.

Gift of Music – We were at a recent holiday party with live Cajun and Zydeco music. Being that many of the guests were also musicians, they brought their instruments so they could jam together. As they played, sharing their gifts, I listened and danced. It was joyful.

Gift of Warmth – At that same party with the live music, there was also an outdoor fire going. At one point, I found myself outside in the cold air, entranced by the fire. It gave off such warmth. And it wasn’t just the heat. As I sat there, watching the flames swirl and roar, different people came and went sharing stories, conversation, and laughter. I was warm from the fire and the good company.

Gift of Donating  – Like you, I’m sure there are many local and international charities that you regularly support. We can donate time, money, or both. Some of the charities that I regularly give to include the Institute for Challenging Disorganization, National Association of Professional Organizers, Guiding Eyes for the Blind, Temple Israel of Northern Westchester, and the Croton Caring Committee.

Gift of Gratitude – There is so much to be grateful for like our family, friends, health, work, and well-being. I’m thankful for my amazing clients and the trust they have in me to help them with their organizing challenges. I’m in awe of their perseverance, creativity, intelligence, and warmth. To express my appreciation, I just launched a Client Loyalty Program, which automatically rewards Oh, So Organized! clients for their ongoing loyalty and trust. To find out more, click here.

It’s the giving season. I’m sure you’ll have plenty of opportunities to be on both the giving and receiving end. Ben Carson said, “Happiness doesn’t result from what we get, but from what we give.”  I suspect it’s actually a bit of each – a balance between giving and learning how to receive. What resonates with you? What are you noticing this giving season?