There have been many words used to describe 2020. In a recent article in The Washington Post, readers offered their one word or phrase for the year, including “exhausting, lost, chaotic, relentless, heartbreaking, transformative, and the year of missing.” Perhaps the word that I heard (and possibly used) the most was unprecedented. It was that kind of year. We tried our best to navigate the unknown, find strength when life got worse than ever imagined, extend compassion and grace to ourselves and others, and find some balance in a continually changing situation. 

It’s been a harsh year, a year of struggle. We needed love, compassion, support, and connection more than ever. With pandemic restrictions reducing in-person contact, technology played a starring role to help us virtually spend time together. I blogged and had meaningful conversations with you throughout these past months, as we experienced and worked through this year together. We shared our silver linings and losses.

Being a reflective time of year, I am revisiting the past before moving ahead to the future. As part of the review, I selected highlights, one from each month, of the most compassionate organizing concepts of 2020. My hope is you discover a seed idea that will inspire your New Year. 

Where do you want to focus on creating the level of organization and balance that you desire? Which people and projects will receive your time, energy, and attention? 

12 Compassionate Organizing Concepts

Winter 2020

Fresh Start - How to Choose Words That Will Positively Affect Your Fresh Start

“Your life and success will not be defined by the nouns you choose. It will be defined by the verbs.”

— Todd Henry

Embrace Change - 3 New Ideas That Will Help Inspire Your Change

“If you’re not sure about the change you want to make, give yourself some ‘wander time’ and see what transpires.”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO

Next Step - 7 Uplifting Discoveries That Will Help You Cope With Next

“Next might need to be a big dose of self-compassion. Or, perhaps it will be you reaching out to someone else that is hurting.”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO

Spring 2020

Letting Go - How to Let Go of Guilt During the COVID-19 Crisis

“What expectations of normal am I letting go of today?”

— Rick Breden

Clutter - How to Release Mind Clutter That Makes You Worry

“Mind clutter worry is unproductive. And as it turns out, it’s a good teacher too.”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO

Time Management - Are You Making Time for ‘The Good Stuff’?

“In your mix of doing, are you making time to notice and embrace the good stuff?”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO

Summer 2020

Motivation - Big Lesson I Learned How Motivation Is in The Growing

“Motivation is in the growing.”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO

Enlisting Help - How to Get Help Setting and Celebrating Your Big Goals

“A goal doesn’t happen in a vacuum. We need help with accomplishing our goals and celebrating them along the way.”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO

Mindfulness - How Do Mindfulness and Focus Remarkably Appear in Your Life?

“It is in the practice of shifting attention, awareness, and return that we become more mindful.”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO

Fall 2020

Possibilities - 7 Valuable Lessons I Learned About Weddings, Hope, & Possibilities

“We live in challenging times. Yet even in the darkest days, there is hope. There is love. There are possibilities.”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO

Wonderfully Human - How to Enjoy Pandemic-Time Holidays With More Gratitude and Creativity

“The initial sadness for not being able to gather has morphed into positive anticipation for the ways we’ve reimagined the holiday.”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO

Life Balance - How to Effectively Balance the Extremes of Your Holiday Season

“Feeling balanced is a fluid and a continually shifting dynamic.”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO

My deepest gratitude goes to you for being an integral part of this vibrant community. We’ve had an incredible year of conversations and sharing. You bring learning, growth, support, and inspiration to every exchange. Thank you for coming back again and again to participate and share the best of who you are. 

What inspired you this year? Which compassionate organizing concept resonates most with you? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.

What is it that you expect of yourself and others right now? What can you let go of? Have you noticed a lot of ‘shoulding’ going on? As in, “Now that I have extra time, I should be organizing my entire house,” or “Now that I’m not working, I should be learning a new skill,” or “Now that I’m self-isolating, I should be pushing myself to get a lot more done each day.” Do any of these sounds familiar? I am guilty as charged. 

Last week, I shared with a friend that I never got to the things that I intended to do that day. Instead, my day included meditation, a yoga class, a walk by the river, and baking. Those were my essentials. However, I felt guilty that I should have been doing other things or more things. My friend reminded me of something she heard on a Practicing Human podcast. These were such welcome, affirming words.

“Allow yourself to have the kind of day you need to have, and without judgment.”

I’ve taken that message to heart, especially the “without judgment” part. In this time of stress and uncertainty, it’s kinder to extend gentleness. Like you, I am doing my best to keep it together. Each day we receive news about radical shifts and changes to daily life, loved ones dying, overwhelm that is paralyzing, and all types of grief.  Yet we put one foot in front of the other. We keep breathing. We find ways to soothe, cope, and carry on.

To be honest with you, the post this week was going to be something else altogether. But the message my friend shared kept playing over and over in my head. 

“Allow yourself to have the kind of day you need to have, and without judgment.”

I took that to heart. Yesterday included meditation, a Zoom call with our kids, a magnificently long walk with my husband in a nearby wooded sanctuary, and writing this post. What I needed this day was to connect with my family and nature and to write a shorter post.

What is it you need? How will you give yourself the day you need, judgment-free? What will you let go of? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.

What is it with guilt and the difficulty of letting it go? We feel guilty when we think we’ve done something wrong or failed to do something we thought we should have done. We blame ourselves when something we feel responsible for we didn’t do. During several recent conversations, I’ve noticed that we’ve been especially hard on ourselves and experienced many types of guilt. We’re living in an unusual time. The world is in crisis because of the COVID-19 pandemic. Life has changed overnight for many of us, and we are adjusting to living differently. Stress and emotions are heightened, as is our tendency for self-blame and guilt.

Let’s be kinder. We are living in a raw wound-like state. Letting go of guilt is an act of self-compassion. There are several guilt themes I’ve noticed. I’ll share them with you, along with some encouragement for letting go. What have you observed? 

How to Let Go of Guilt During the COVID-19 Crisis

Productivity Guilt

In a recent The New York Times article, “Stop Trying to Be Productive,” Taylor Lorenz makes the case that the message we’re hearing is that we should be more productive with the “extra hours” we were gifted because of the pandemic. However, our experience is quite different. Even though we might have freed-up hours in the day because we aren’t commuting to work or have no work, we are exhausted. We’re finding it challenging enough to take care of the basics. So we are experiencing productivity guilt because we aren’t organizing our decades of memorabilia, cleaning out our garages, writing that novel, or accomplishing more in a day. Let your productivity guilt go.

I admit to erring on the side of staying productive. I want to accomplish things. But I also recognize that we are experiencing grief-like symptoms. So instead of pushing and expecting, we need to be gentle and compassionate. Adjust your expectations of what productivity looks like for now. Instead, focus on what you need to feel healthy, calm, and sane. That might mean a shift to a human being rather than doing.

Being Normal Guilt

Daily meditation is an essential part of my morning routine. Especially now, I am so grateful for this practice. Most days, I use guided meditations on the Insight Timer app. Lately, I’ve been experimenting with some newly released practices that focus on helping us navigate the COVID-19 crisis. They help me with discovering useful perspectives, offering calming strategies, and increasing compassion for self and others. In a recent practice, I listened to Rick Breden’s “Six Questions to Ask Yourself During COVID-19.” Rick is a psychotherapist and CEO of Behavioral Essentials. He asked this question,“What expectations of normal am I letting go of today?”

“What expectations of normal am I letting go of today?”

— Rick Breden

I loved that question because so many of us expect that we should be living like business as usual. But there is nothing ordinary about this time. Having some grace to let go of “normal,” means we can also let go of that guilt. We can let go of should and gift ourselves flexibility and the time needed to adjust to living differently.

Boundaries Guilt

I predict that at some point, you will be directly touched by COVID-19. You might have a family member, coworker, or patient that has it.  As humans, we’re wired to help people. Many people are being asked to go above and beyond to serve and help others while they are potentially putting themselves in harm’s way. Healthcare workers are being asked to be on the front lines and possibly come out of retirement or enter the workforce pre-graduation to assist all those in need. You might have a family member living with or near you that is ill and needs your help, which could put you in danger of also getting sick. Each of us has to decide what we are willing and not willing to do. What risks are we willing to take? And choosing not to help in every situation can result in a lot of guilt. This is a personal choice and a difficult one. If you are experiencing guilt around asserting your boundaries, I understand. Consider what you need to feel safe and remain healthy. Let the boundary guilt go.

Commitment Guilt

When I commit to something or someone, I like to honor my word. If I don’t, I feel guilty, and as though I’ve failed myself and the other person. This has happened a few times in the past few weeks. Circumstances were such that I wasn’t able to be at an event I had committed to or plan an annual event. In one instance, a family member needed my help, and that took priority over another commitment. In the other case, I recognized I didn’t have the bandwidth now to plan a large (virtual) gathering. And even though intellectually I understood the reasons, I was harsh with myself. I felt guilty for changing what I had committed to. I recognized that the kindness I needed was to let go of that guilt. So if you have experienced something similar, it’s time to let go. Grant yourself some grace and flexibility. Be open to adjusting your commitments if needed, guilt-free.

Complaint Guilt

There are so many horrific things happening in the world. People are dying, losing their jobs, and unable to feed their families. Communities are being destroyed. Health care workers are overworked and don’t have adequate protective gear and supplies to help those in need. Because there are so many horrible things going on, we feel guilty complaining about inconveniences like having spring vacation taken away or being unhappy with having to work virtually. There will always be someone that has it worse than you do. So instead of feeling guilty about complaining, perhaps turn it around and focus on gratitude. You can be grateful that you have a job, and simultaneously be upset and guilty that you don’t like how you’re being asked to do your job right now. Those two things can exist simultaneously. It doesn’t make you a bad person. It’s important to honor and express your feelings. Complaining or expressing is cathartic. Let go of the guilt and need we have to do it.

Communication Guilt

Many of us are in more intense contact with people now. We use a variety of ways to keep in touch and reach through the phone, email, texts, letters, Face Time, Skype, Zoom, or other platforms. Some of us are communicating with family, friends, and coworkers in new ways or more frequently. For some of us, it might feel like a full-time job. There are so many people we are concerned about in various corners of the world and in our lives. After several weeks of this, some of us are beginning to feel exhausted by the pandemic talk. Even though we think we should be reaching out, what we really feel like doing is retreating into our cocoon. No talking. No communicating. Just being still and quiet. That response is resulting in some feelings of guilt. After all, we keep hearing how important it is to stay in touch with people. So many are isolated. For those feeling guilty about wanting to communicate less, let your guilt go. Honor your needs. This doesn’t have to be an all or nothing. Take a break or reach out less frequently. Adjust what enough feels like.

We’re all feeling raw with the changes and uncertainty. It’s essential to focus on those things that lift us up, reduce stress, and help us feel centered. From there, we can increase our reserves so we have something left to help others. Guilt depletes us. Be generous with your self-compassion. Are you having difficulty letting go of guilt? What are you experiencing? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to leave a comment and join the conversation.

Given that it’s the era of iPhone, iPad, iThis and iThat, I thought that it would be interesting to add a few more iThings to the list. How about iHelp and iAskforhelp? These are very different yet equally important. We tend to lean more heavily towards one “i” than the other. Which direction do you gravitate towards?

Let’s dig deeper by asking some questions.

iHelp

• When was the last time you helped someone?

• Was it months ago? Years ago?

• Was it today or yesterday?

• Were you asked to help or did you volunteer to help?

• How often do you find yourself in the helping mode?

• Who do you help? Do you help family, friends, colleagues, or clients?

• What are the benefits you receive from helping others? 

“It’s impossible to do everything ourselves.”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVOP™

iAskforhelp

• When was the last time you asked for help?

• Do you freely ask for help?

• Do you feel guilty asking others for assistance?

• Do you feel like things will get done better, faster, or more efficiently if you do them yourself?

• When you aren’t sure about the next step, do you procrastinate or reach out for help?

• What type of help are you most comfortable asking for? Is it for home repairs, life guidance, organizing help, or family care?

• What type of help are you most uncomfortable asking for?

• What prevents you from enlisting help?

• Last time you asked for help, what was the outcome?

• What are the benefits you receive by enlisting help?

While I would like to have a combination of both helping and enlisting help, I’m more often in the helping others mode between clients that are in need of organizing help, coordinating care as my mom ages in place, and my role as President for ICD.

Yet even though I’m often in the iHelp mode, I recognize the value of asking for help. It’s impossible to do everything ourselves. I’m a huge advocate of teams, especially building teams. The energy of a focused group can accomplish way more than the energy of one.

I’d love to hear your thoughts. What is your relationship to helping and enlisting help? Come join the conversation!