Madison Must Photography

As I sit down to write, thoughts of love, family, and a wedding swirl around my head and heart. Like a dream, I can’t believe that our youngest daughter, Cassie, married Matthew at our home one week ago. They exuded joy and love. We all felt it. By the end of the day, the back of my head ached from smiling so much. It was a good ache. There was so much love, a sense of wonderful possibilities, and hope for the future. Their celebration was a welcome bright spot in the midst of a challenging year.

My husband and I remained in the blissful wedding bubble for as long as we could. At this point, I have mostly returned to regular life. There are still a few flower bouquets reminding me that a wedding really did happen here, and some thank you notes to write. But other than that, my wedding tasks are complete, and the house is back to its pre-party state. What remains is this inner warmth from this significant time, images of tender moments, feelings of calm, and some lessons learned.

7 Lessons Learned from The Mother of the Bride

Communication

Shortly after Cassie and Matthew’s engagement last May, we started discussing the wedding. Right away, I realized we had different ideas and expectations. I recognized the importance of being open, listening, and remaining respectful of their wishes. After all, it was their wedding day. They chose to organize and handle most things and delegated some aspects to others, including me. We supported them in any way we could. Often that meant listening or offering ideas when asked. Keeping the lines of communication open was essential. 

Flexibility

A valuable life skill when making a wedding, especially during a pandemic, is flexibility. Change was the flavor of the day. The kids made plans and, because of the pandemic, had to alter them more than once. They remained flexible, and so did I. I’ll admit that I’m not naturally flexible and continue to work at it. The pandemic influenced a venue change, the wedding’s scope, the vendors, and the number of guests that could attend. Other changes happened that weren’t pandemic-related but required flexibility. Remaining nimble was a great coping strategy for all of us.

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Letting Go

As moms, we literally learn to let go from the moment our kids are born. They leave our bodies after being protectively housed for nine months. And that’s just the beginning. As our kids grow, we continue letting go in many ways. It’s useful to exercise those letting go skills when planning a wedding. There are so many things we can’t control. Recognizing that and letting go of control was key for me. It allowed me to worry less and enjoy more. The wedding was outside. Weather is one of the many things we have no control over. Letting go and focusing on the things we have agency over is useful. For example, we ordered a tent with attachable sides, in case it rained. We had control of the tent situation, but not the weather. Luckily, the wedding day was gorgeous. However, the newlyweds’ brunch on the following day was rainy, but the tent sides kept us cozy and dry.

“Letting go and focusing on the things we have agency over is useful.”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO

Planning

A lot of thought and organizing went into the wedding weekend. As I mentioned, Cassie and Matthew did all of the event planning. Their Google spreadsheets were amazing! However, my husband, Steve, and I had our lists too. The key was not waiting until the last minute to do things. In the months leading up to the wedding weekend, we made good use of evenings and weekends to prepare the house, clean, edit, organize, and schedule. There’s nothing quite like having a party to motivate you to get things done. I created a master list with separate projects and tasks in each section. Planning and allocating enough time to complete things made it less stressful. It also enabled me to more fully enjoy the process. I also discovered a fun fact. My daughters and I are all list-makers who prefer using a combination of digital and handwritten lists to get things done.

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Being Present

Days before the wedding, Cassie, Matthew, and our oldest daughter, Allison, arrived. What an incredible feeling to have everyone home! We’ve had very few visitors during the pandemic. I don’t remember the last time our kids were home with us for five days. What a treat! I didn’t want to miss anything. There were times when the girls were off in a corner experimenting with hair and makeup, or Matthew and Steve were in the greenhouse setting up equipment for the ceremony. At those moments, I was an observer, sensing family helping family, hearing laughter, and feeling the warmth of our house full of loved ones. At other times, I was in a doing mode. On Cassie’s wedding day, she asked us to put away our phones. She wanted the wedding photographer to be the only one taking pictures so we could be fully present. How wise. What a gift that was! It made me realize how many being present opportunities there were.

“There were many being present opportunities.”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO

Leaning In

There were so many emotions- joy, happiness, excitement, and sadness too. It was an intense variety of feelings. I embraced them all. While I was overjoyed that the parents, one set of grandparents, siblings, and a few of the bride and groom’s friends were with us in person on the wedding day, the rest of our family and friends couldn’t be there because of pandemic restrictions.  For those who couldn't attend in person, they watched the ceremony live on Zoom. I won’t lie. I missed the physical presence of my brothers, sisters, parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews, and friends. It felt so strange to celebrate a major milestone without them. I recognize that I’m not alone. This year, many people have experienced celebrations differently. With acceptance, I leaned into my conflicting emotions- feeling the joy of being together with the people that could attend and the sadness for those that couldn’t. 

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Reflecting

When we go through significant life events, it’s important to make time to reflect on our experiences. There were so many memorable moments and feelings that replay in my mind. I know more will continue to appear, but I thought I’d share several with you.

• Hugging our kids after being physically apart for so long.

• Hearing the sweet sounds of talking, giggling, and laughter fill our home.

• Spending time setting up, eating, and walking in the woods with our family and Matthew’s parents and three brothers the day before the wedding. 

• Experiencing the poignancy of painting Cassie’s finger and toenails the night before her wedding day and remembering how I used to paint her nails when she was little.

• Watching Allison dote over Cassie during the wedding weekend, as she helped with her hair and makeup, and anything she needed.

• Seeing my handsome husband all dressed-up as the Father of the Bride.

• Feeling grateful to meet Matthew’s grandparents and have them with us as they watched their first grandchild marry.

• Bursting into tears when moments before we walked Cassie down the aisle, I saw my mother, brother, and sister on Zoom waiting to watch the ceremony. I missed them so, yet felt their love and support.

• Feeling the swell of emotions as Steve and I walked Cassie down the aisle.

• Watching Matthew’s loving expression and tears as he saw Cassie in her wedding dress for the first time.

• During the ceremony, seeing Cassie and Matthew hold hands and stare into each other’s eyes as tears streamed down their faces.

• Feeling grateful for our new, wonderful son.

• Listening to the beautiful, emotional toast Allison gave to Cassie and Matthew on their wedding day.

• Seeing the joy between Steve and Cassie during their father/daughter dance.

• Watching how our beautiful Cassie seemed to float on air the entire day.

• Sitting down on the sofa with Steve after everyone left, feeling exhausted, elated, and amazed at how quickly the time passed.

• Feeling grateful for messages of love, good wishes, and support from our family and friends.

• Realizing that our little girl is all grown up and married.

• Feeling hope and possibilities for Cassie and Matthew for a life filled with love, connection, and family.

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We live in challenging times. Yet even in the darkest of days, there is hope. There is love. There are possibilities. These celebratory days with Cassie and Matthew’s marriage affirmed that light, love, hope, and possibilities are present. Have you recently experienced something in your life that has inspired possibilities for you? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.

It’s hard to say goodbye and let go. At least, it is for me. As a matter of fact, for some, it’s so painful that they avoid it at all costs. After all, who likes pain? There are times, however, when we can no longer hold on. We learn to lean in towards the sadness and accept that it’s part of life. When it’s time to let go, we often feel loss. We’re aware that things are changing. We might pine for the past.

There are ways to let go lovingly, compassionately, and gently.  What works will be unique for each of us. This week, as I prepared myself to say my final goodbyes to our family home of 57 years, I identified some strategies that helped me along the way. I hope some of these ideas will help you when it’s time to let go.

10 Gentle Ways That I Learned to Let Go

1. Writing For Others– During the house organizing, clearing, and sale process, which began about seven months ago, I started sharing some of the discoveries with you through my blog. How to Improve Life Balance When Organizing Your Stuff is one of the posts from that series. Writing about my experiences in this way and having a dialogue with those experiencing similar things helped me process what was happening, connect with others in a more significant way, and let go, little by little, one blog post at a time.

2. Talking With Loved Ones – I don’t know what I would have done without the love, support, and wonderful listening ears of my husband, daughters, siblings, and other family members and friends. Collectively, they listened as I navigated the good days and challenging ones. They commiserated and offered their help and support. It was their supportive listening that was most appreciated. They supported me as I went through the challenges of transitioning out of the family home and letting go of it and all of its contents. 

3. Practicing Mindfulness– For the last year and a half, I’ve been practicing mindfulness meditation and living more mindfully. While there were a few months that I took a break from meditating daily, I’ve been pretty consistent. The practice has helped me to focus on the present, make peace with the past, and not get too anxious about the future. This practice of being present and mindful of the moment has also helped me beyond measure with letting go of the family home, and all that was within it. We have now, not then. We have now, not the future. We can hold our memories close, but if we focus too much on the past, we’ll miss what’s right in front of us…the present. Mindfulness practice has taught me that letting go is a path to being present.

4. Laughing Out Loud – On the day of the final house clear-out, Junkluggers had just emptied the remaining furniture from my dad’s office. Things looked stark and sad. Something on the floor caught my eye that had been hidden under the credenza. I bent down to pick it up and discovered the “OY VEY!” computer key I’d given to my dad years ago. My entire mood lightened. I burst out laughing. In that moment, I felt the love, support, and shared sense of humor my dad and I always had together. The laughter helped me let go a bit more that day and know that things were going to be just fine. During those challenging times of letting go, don’t underestimate the power of a good laugh.

5. Documenting the Process – As many of you know, I love taking photos. Thank you, iPhone! During this period, I took tons of photos as I sorted, edited, sent off, and let go of stuff. As I worked, I often shared images of my latest discoveries with my siblings, husband or kids. Together, we enjoyed the memories they invoked. Documenting and sharing things in this way helped me to more easily let go of the physical items. 

6. Writing in My Journal– Different from writing the blog posts, which were for public view, I also wrote in my private journal during this time. I’ve been journaling for 46 years. While I’m pretty open on the blog, my personal journal provided me with another venue for processing feelings and thoughts about what was happening. Writing in this personal way helped me to let go.

Below is a passage from one of my journal entries:

“What I understand is that letting go doesn’t mean we have to forget. It just means that we release ourselves from holding on. We release ourselves from an obligation or responsibility or expectation. We make a bit more space in our hearts and mind for new energy to flow. We lift the anchor. We sail on.”

— Linda Samuels

7. Saying Goodbye With My Daughter – The week we closed on the house, my oldest daughter, Allison, came with me to see the house for her last time. I knew I’d see the house again that week. But having her there to say her goodbyes, to take photos (yes, we took selfies) and to reminisce together, meant so much to me. Being there together side-by-side gave me great comfort. I let go a little more that day.

8. Documenting the Memories – On the day before the closing, I went to the house to say my final goodbyes. As I pulled into the driveway and walked up the path, a cute brown bunny hopped up the path and led me to the door. It was so funny and unusual to have this bunny escort. I went through every inch of the house taking short 20-60 second clips of each room. As I filmed, I talked out loud about what I was seeing and remembering. I walked around the first floor, then the basement, then to the top floor, and finally outside. I took my time and soaked in what I was seeing, feeling, hearing, and smelling. The past and the present were melding into one big picture, a picture that I would now have to hold in my mind and heart. I walked. I talked. I filmed. I cried. I said my goodbyes and let go.

9. Providing Safe Passage– In the organizing industry we have a term, “safe passage.” It has to do with letting go. If you’re able to find a good home for the things that you’re letting go of, you’ll feel better and more at peace with saying goodbye and letting go of those things. During the family home clear-out and sale, this was definitely true for me. It was easier to let go of the physical contents when I knew it was going to someone who would benefit from or appreciate it.  Having the home itself be bought by a family that would love and care for it as much as we did was also important to us. For the new family and to prepare the home itself for safe passage, I compiled an accordion file of house info essentials, including keys, manuals, and vendors. I also wrote them a note and left a gift basket. Doing these things made me feel that the house and its contents received safe passage, which provided some closure and allowed me to more easily let go.

10. Letting Go With Love– The last gesture that helped me let go and say my final goodbye was to make something. For me, creating is something that I enjoy, but also something that helps me process my thoughts and emotions. While there are many outlets that I use, like writing or photography, for this particular goodbye, I chose to make a video that blended music, words, and images of the house and family in the past and present. I shared it with my family and friends and am now sharing it with you. Different from the other videos that I create, this one is long (close to 9 minutes.) So don’t feel obligated to watch it. It’s not a marketing piece, which I intentionally keep short. It’s a piece about love, family, and letting go of my childhood home of 57 years.

Click below to watch "Goodbye, home." video . . .

Big exhale, folks. I’m feeling lighter and happier knowing that our home is in good hands, that all the stuff has found good homes, and that life will continue on in its beautiful, wondrous ways. What resonated with you? I’d love to hear your thoughts about letting go. Join the conversation!

You may wonder why life balance is an issue when you’re organizing. Very simply, organizing your life or taking on even a single organizing project will have an influence on how your time gets allocated. Thoughts about and engagement in the organizing project can become time consuming, which can result in feeling out of balance. In addition, some organizing projects are highly emotional, like when you’re sorting through objects to which you have strong sentimental attachments. This can throw your balance off even further. Finding anchors along the way can help improve your sense of balance.

Over the recent weeks, I’ve been sharing with you my journey about clearing, organizing and getting our childhood home of 56+ years ready for sale. After several months of work, it will go on the market this week. In previous posts, I’ve shared that this journey has been highly emotional. I’ve reviewed, discovered and let go of a lot of stuff. There have been tears and laughter. There have been found treasures that have lifted my sprits and stabilized me along the way.

This week I’m focusing on connections and how threads from the past helped me understand and find gratitude in the present. These gifts from another time appeared just when I needed them most.

Balance in Continuity

The day I was sorting and organizing my Mom’s dresser, I discovered the round, plastic box shown in this photo. Inside was a man’s watch along with a note written by my mother over 30 years ago. She wrote,

“Papa Moishe’s watch in Nana Stell’s powder box – She kept this in her top vanity drawer after he died. I took it with me when I packed up her house to close it when she died.”

I read that note and burst into tears. The watch was my grandfathers and the vanity that my mom referred to was my grandmother’s, which I have in my bedroom. I helped my mom close up my grandparent’s house. Now decades later, I am doing this for my parents. Finding this treasure helped me that day. In the intensity of the project, this discovery was a message of connection to the past and encouragement of the present. It felt like my mom and grandparents were right there with me providing love, support, and some momentary balance.

Balance in Change

This is one of my Dad’s sketches. It’s the “green monster,” a cabinet that he built in 1950, the year my parents got married. Next to the sketch are some notes written by my mom about the cabinet’s history. It was a simply built plywood piece that kept morphing and changing as the family grew. The cabinet was painted many times. Details like curtains, hooks, and cushions were added and subtracted even more times. The family always called it the green monster because it was originally painted green. My first memory of it was as a baby when it was my pink changing table. In addition to what my mom documented on the note, the green monster was also used as an orange stereo cabinet in my first apartment in Boston and moved with me after college when I lived in Manhattan. When I got married, it moved to our loft in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. That was it’s last home before as mom said, it went “out to pasture.” Remembering the green monster, its journey, and final departure helped me process my feelings about the family home. Like the green monster, our childhood home has been a character in our lives that we have to let go of. Our memories of the wonderful, loving times shared there will remain. The green monster sketch and notes were all about change. I found comfort in that. Things aren’t meant to remain the same. Somewhere in that message, I felt some balance being restored.

Balance in Love

I adored my grandmother, Nana Stell. I was lucky to have her in my life up until I was a young adult. We were close. What I hadn’t remembered was that we were always close. This was one of the lovely treasures I found during one of the memorabilia organizing days. I came across this photo of 13-months old me, sitting at a table while drinking a bottle. My hand rests gently on someone’s arm. I turned over the photo and saw my grandmother’s writing, which said,

“Linda suddenly decided her ‘Nana’ was quite OK and constantly begged to stay in my arms. Here, having her breakfast, she suddenly realizes I’m near and reaches over to touch me. What a precious interchange of trust and love.”

I was so grateful that my grandmother took the time to appreciate and write about that moment. In discovering it, I was able to do the same, feeling our connection even though my Nana was long gone. It felt like I was reaching through time to feel her love and support at a time when I needed it most.

When you think about tumultuous points in the organizing process or at any time in life, what anchors help you to restore your balance? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Come join our conversation!

Connecting with the human side of organizing brings the process to an entirely different place. One way we can do this is by focusing our efforts on the treasures instead of loss. As you organize, if you hunt for treasures, you can experience unexpected joy, laughter, and an array of other emotions. We can learn things about ourselves, understand connections we never realized, or find humor to lighten up our mood.

As some of you may know, I’ve been sorting through and organizing our family home of 56+ years. In recent blog posts, I’ve written more about this experience. If you want to read more, check out these posts including What Are The Possibilities When You Clear Your “Space?,” What Does Organizing Success Look Life For You?, and How to Be Successful With Your Projects and Purpose.

Now back to the wonderfully human aspect of organizing and discovering family treasures. The treasures I found were not gold or jewels, but instead photos, documents, and other things. Today and in the coming weeks, I’ll share some of these discoveries with you. I hope this will inspire you to embrace the human side of organizing and allow you to focus on positive discoveries, learning, and the aspects that are joyful.

There were many things that I found, especially among the photos. They were stored in various places in the house and in no particular order. So they presented me with a sort of treasure hunt on steroids. The treasures I’m sharing this week speak to the rich history of love that was part of my family. Finding them supported me as I sorted, edited, and let go.

My Grandmothers

One of the things that I had forgotten was that over time my grandmothers while from different family backgrounds and corners of the world became very good friends. As a matter of fact, I remember at one point one of my grandmothers went to live with the other for a while. They took care of each other and had a unique friendship. In this photo, which I’d never seen, it shows my Nana Stell and Nana Roe casually sitting together on what looks like a picnic table. It’s probably from the late 1940’s or early 1950's. I can see how comfortable they were together and how much they were enjoying each other’s company.

My Parents

My folks were married over 61 years before my Dad passed away. They were soul mates and deeply in love. They faced life’s challenges together, were strong individually, and an amazing team together. In this photo, their closeness and support of one another is obvious. They loved the sea. I can imagine them standing there together feeling grateful for each other, their family, and the view in front of them. While the waves can knock down even the strongest of us, their love endured all of life’s challenges with grace, generosity, and kindness. They were a positive force in the world.

My Daddy and Me

What can I say? Being the youngest of three, I definitely felt like Daddy’s little girl, or “Squirt,” as he sometimes called me. I can remember the feeling of comfort and love just sitting on my Dad’s lap. All felt right in the world. I loved spending time with him, especially on Saturday mornings when we’d run errands together. It didn’t matter where we went- to the cleaners, the hardware store, or the bakery. It was fun going around with him, just the two of us. He always made me laugh.

As you’ve organized, what treasures have you or your clients discovered? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Come join the conversation!