Letting go can be challenging, especially when we have strong emotional attachments to our things. You might wonder why you have to let go? You don’t. You always have a choice. However, there are pivotal moments in our lives when letting go is necessary and you’re struggling. Perhaps you are in the midst of a significant life change like moving or rightsizing. Maybe you lost a loved one and are responsible for editing and dispossessing their things. Or, perhaps you are overwhelmed with a mountain of belongings that no longer deserve physical or mental space in your life. When we combine emotional transitions with a propensity for strong attachments to our stuff, letting go can be difficult.

Minimalist Leo Babauta wrote something, which resonated with me. He referred to “the skill of letting go.”  All skills require practice. His description is infused with hope. It suggests that even if you are struggling with letting go, you can practice and improve. This is something I’ve experienced with my clients. The more they work at letting go, the less challenging it becomes.

4 Ways to Let Go of Things When Emotional Attachments are Powerful

1. Exercise Letting Go Muscles

I’ve always perceived letting go as a muscle that needs to be exercised like other muscles. However, we wouldn’t start lifting with a 100 lb. weight. We’d start small, maybe with a five-pounder, and build from there. This thought process is similar to letting go of the things we’re attached to. Exercise your letting go muscles by starting with the “lighter-weight” possessions like clothing or junk mail. Get a letting go rhythm established and work your way to the “heavier-weight” items that you feel more emotionally connected. Like most of us starting an exercise routine, it’s helpful to have an accountability partner or trainer. For help exercising your letting go muscles, hire a professional organizer like me, or work with a trusted friend or family member. It can make all the difference.

2. Normalize Emotional Attachments

It is prevalent, especially with people challenged by disorganization, to have strong emotional attachments to things. When attachments are heightened, identify and display your most valued treasures, set boundaries around what “enough” means, and use physical boundary parameters like a box or closet size. For items that get released, make the “homes” they go meaningful and that the places or people they are donated or given to will appreciate them. All of these things will make letting go easier to process.

“Letting go can be challenging, especially when we have strong emotional attachments to our things.”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO™

3. Incentivize Letting Go

When we invite people over for a small gathering (tiny these days because of the pandemic,) what happens? Most of us become motivated to make our home guest-ready. This can include cleaning, decluttering, and letting go. Establishing a manufactured date can boost incentive for getting your home “good enough” for your company. Consider increasing the frequency of invitations to friends and family (using COVID safety protocols) as a dual incentive- more socializing time and increased opportunities to sort, edit, organize, and let go.

4. Minimize Kinesthetic Sympathy

When we physically touch things, it can increase our emotional attachment to them. This is the premise of kinesthetic sympathy. If you can, work with someone who can physically hold up the items for you while selecting what to keep or release. Putting physical distance and touch between you and the object can make decision-making more manageable. Physical space decreases emotional attachment and helps distinguish what is most treasured from the things that are no longer needed.

Do you or someone you know feel challenged with letting go? Do emotional attachments make it harder to let go? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.

We live. We acquire. We release. There are many patterns in life, and this is one of them. Is this familiar to you?

We live.

What does it mean to live? At the most basic level, it’s about being alive, breathing, existing. Yet for most of us, that’s not enough. We want our lives to have meaning. We want to give, to love, to connect with others. We want to explore, to create, to taste, to feel, to see, to touch all that we can. We want to do and just be. Do we spend our time with what matters most to us? Or do we spend our time stuck, feeling anxious, overwhelmed by our things, wishing that life were different, or that we were different? We live. But how do we live?

We acquire.

The “stuff” of life comes to us. We either intentionally acquire it or receive it from others. The sources can be physical, digital, or emotional. We range in our acquiring patterns from overconsumption to more minimalist approaches. As professional organizers, part of the work we do is about helping our clients manage their acquisitions. We teach them to edit, organize, and let go of the “stuff” that no longer serves a purpose for them. The acquiring is easy. However, once something belongs to us, it gives that “thing” more importance than it had before it entered our lives. When our emotional attachment takes hold, it can make letting go more challenging. What is enough? Knowing that there will be a time to let go, how will that influence our acquiring behaviors? How much time do we want to spend managing our “stuff?”

We release.

The ultimate letting go is with our last breath. Before that happens, there are many other types of letting go along the way. All of the things that we’ve collected and edited and organized and struggled with eventually move on. Either we take personal responsibility for our possessions and make arrangements for their release, or we don’t. If we don’t, it becomes someone else’s responsibility. This someone might be a loved one or a stranger. Working with both elders and their adult children, this struggle around keeping or letting go is an integral part of my work. It’s also part of my personal experience as a parent and daughter. If our “stuff” is a burden on us, what does it become for those it’s left to?

We live. We acquire. We release. We know the pattern. What resonates with you? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Are you having challenges or successes in any of these areas? Please add to the conversation.

I like many things. One of them is Yogi Tea. While the tea is delicious, what I like most are the sayings they put on every tea bag hangtag. Each time I make a cup of tea, it’s like opening a fortune cookie, which I also love. There is a moment of anticipation as I grab my glasses to read the Yogi Tea wisdom. I pause to reflect about the idea.

At a recent teatime, the hangtag said, “True wealth is the ability to let go of your possessions.”  Since we’ve just begun our first full month of spring and my blog will be focusing this month about letting go, it seemed like the ideal time to share the Yogi Tea bag story.

It’s an interesting quote because in our society, the message emphasized is often about collecting, gathering and acquiring bigger and better. Marketers encourage us to accumulate more money and stuff.

In contrast, as a professional organizer for almost 20 years, I’ve been helping people manage, organize and de-acquire their things. The amount of papers, toys, clothing, collections and supplies have become overwhelming for many.  People crave simplicity and calm both internally and externally. The acquisition and management of those possessions is often at the root of much of their daily stress and anxiety.

The Yogi quote also made me think about who we are in relation to our things. Do our possessions define who we are? Or, is our true self worth deep within, having nothing to do with what we own, how we dress, or the things that surround us?

Lastly, I wonder if our things have taken over our lives to the degree that they are preventing us from moving ahead. What about the idea of letting go in order to be able to go forward? Are your things preventing growth? Are they taking up too much mental energy, time and space? Are they taking you away from what is most important to you?

All I wanted was a cup of tea. I got so much more.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on letting go, the tea quote or anything else you’d like to share. What are you thinking?

Many years ago I was at home when from the other room I heard a loud crash and a distressed sounding, “Oh no!” Our younger daughter came to me crying and blurted out, “I didn’t mean to…I broke your coffee pot.” I calmly asked, “You did?” Then to her surprise I hugged her, smiled and said, “Thank you.” She stopped crying as I explained that everything including coffee pots had a life and its time had come. I went on to explain that I'd been ready for quite a while to say good-bye to that particular appliance and now she gave me a good reason to do so. I was grateful.

I often think about that story. To this day, Cassie is still surprised by my reaction. When we’re ready to let go, we can do so almost effortlessly. We might even feel giddy. We are open to the next phase and new possibilities. That’s not the case, however, when we’re not ready.

Fast forward to now, fall 2010. I recently had another coffee maker mishap. This time it was completely my doing. I’m still not sure exactly how I managed this, but as I was putting the pot back on its burner, I knocked the glass into the edge of our kitchen counter and the pot broke.

As I cleaned up the pieces of glass, I remembered what I had said to Cassie, “Everything has a life.” Its time had come. A few days passed and I went shopping for a replacement. The new models were big and chunky looking with more features than I needed. I was frustrated and angry that I couldn’t find a simple, sleek automatic coffee maker. Even though it was just a coffee maker, I was mourning the loss of the one I had. Some of you are surely thinking, “Linda, get a grip! It’s only a coffee maker!” It’s replaceable. It’s not human. It’s just an object.

Why couldn’t things just remain as they were? I suppose that’s how it goes. Sometimes we’re poised and ready to let go, move on and embrace change and possibilities. At other points, we aren’t and need time to transition to the new.

While my husband is not a coffee drinker, he was sympathetic to my problem. After my unsuccessful shopping excursion, he volunteered to search the internet for a solution I’d like. He ordered one and it should arrive any day now. Interestingly enough, as I wait for the delivery, my thoughts have shifted away from loss and are focused now with positive anticipation. I’m looking forward to once again smelling the fabulous aroma of coffee brewing, experiencing that luxurious first sip of morning joe and sharing a full pot of java, food and good conversation with my family and friends.

What wonderful possibilities wait for you as you prepare to let go?