It’s hard to say goodbye and let go. At least, it is for me. As a matter of fact, for some, it’s so painful that they avoid it at all costs. After all, who likes pain? There are times, however, when we can no longer hold on. We learn to lean in towards the sadness and accept that it’s part of life. When it’s time to let go, we often feel loss. We’re aware that things are changing. We might pine for the past.

There are ways to let go lovingly, compassionately, and gently.  What works will be unique for each of us. This week, as I prepared myself to say my final goodbyes to our family home of 57 years, I identified some strategies that helped me along the way. I hope some of these ideas will help you when it’s time to let go.

10 Gentle Ways That I Learned to Let Go

1. Writing For Others– During the house organizing, clearing, and sale process, which began about seven months ago, I started sharing some of the discoveries with you through my blog. How to Improve Life Balance When Organizing Your Stuff is one of the posts from that series. Writing about my experiences in this way and having a dialogue with those experiencing similar things helped me process what was happening, connect with others in a more significant way, and let go, little by little, one blog post at a time.

2. Talking With Loved Ones – I don’t know what I would have done without the love, support, and wonderful listening ears of my husband, daughters, siblings, and other family members and friends. Collectively, they listened as I navigated the good days and challenging ones. They commiserated and offered their help and support. It was their supportive listening that was most appreciated. They supported me as I went through the challenges of transitioning out of the family home and letting go of it and all of its contents. 

3. Practicing Mindfulness– For the last year and a half, I’ve been practicing mindfulness meditation and living more mindfully. While there were a few months that I took a break from meditating daily, I’ve been pretty consistent. The practice has helped me to focus on the present, make peace with the past, and not get too anxious about the future. This practice of being present and mindful of the moment has also helped me beyond measure with letting go of the family home, and all that was within it. We have now, not then. We have now, not the future. We can hold our memories close, but if we focus too much on the past, we’ll miss what’s right in front of us…the present. Mindfulness practice has taught me that letting go is a path to being present.

4. Laughing Out Loud – On the day of the final house clear-out, Junkluggers had just emptied the remaining furniture from my dad’s office. Things looked stark and sad. Something on the floor caught my eye that had been hidden under the credenza. I bent down to pick it up and discovered the “OY VEY!” computer key I’d given to my dad years ago. My entire mood lightened. I burst out laughing. In that moment, I felt the love, support, and shared sense of humor my dad and I always had together. The laughter helped me let go a bit more that day and know that things were going to be just fine. During those challenging times of letting go, don’t underestimate the power of a good laugh.

5. Documenting the Process – As many of you know, I love taking photos. Thank you, iPhone! During this period, I took tons of photos as I sorted, edited, sent off, and let go of stuff. As I worked, I often shared images of my latest discoveries with my siblings, husband or kids. Together, we enjoyed the memories they invoked. Documenting and sharing things in this way helped me to more easily let go of the physical items. 

6. Writing in My Journal– Different from writing the blog posts, which were for public view, I also wrote in my private journal during this time. I’ve been journaling for 46 years. While I’m pretty open on the blog, my personal journal provided me with another venue for processing feelings and thoughts about what was happening. Writing in this personal way helped me to let go.

Below is a passage from one of my journal entries:

“What I understand is that letting go doesn’t mean we have to forget. It just means that we release ourselves from holding on. We release ourselves from an obligation or responsibility or expectation. We make a bit more space in our hearts and mind for new energy to flow. We lift the anchor. We sail on.”

— Linda Samuels

7. Saying Goodbye With My Daughter – The week we closed on the house, my oldest daughter, Allison, came with me to see the house for her last time. I knew I’d see the house again that week. But having her there to say her goodbyes, to take photos (yes, we took selfies) and to reminisce together, meant so much to me. Being there together side-by-side gave me great comfort. I let go a little more that day.

8. Documenting the Memories – On the day before the closing, I went to the house to say my final goodbyes. As I pulled into the driveway and walked up the path, a cute brown bunny hopped up the path and led me to the door. It was so funny and unusual to have this bunny escort. I went through every inch of the house taking short 20-60 second clips of each room. As I filmed, I talked out loud about what I was seeing and remembering. I walked around the first floor, then the basement, then to the top floor, and finally outside. I took my time and soaked in what I was seeing, feeling, hearing, and smelling. The past and the present were melding into one big picture, a picture that I would now have to hold in my mind and heart. I walked. I talked. I filmed. I cried. I said my goodbyes and let go.

9. Providing Safe Passage– In the organizing industry we have a term, “safe passage.” It has to do with letting go. If you’re able to find a good home for the things that you’re letting go of, you’ll feel better and more at peace with saying goodbye and letting go of those things. During the family home clear-out and sale, this was definitely true for me. It was easier to let go of the physical contents when I knew it was going to someone who would benefit from or appreciate it.  Having the home itself be bought by a family that would love and care for it as much as we did was also important to us. For the new family and to prepare the home itself for safe passage, I compiled an accordion file of house info essentials, including keys, manuals, and vendors. I also wrote them a note and left a gift basket. Doing these things made me feel that the house and its contents received safe passage, which provided some closure and allowed me to more easily let go.

10. Letting Go With Love– The last gesture that helped me let go and say my final goodbye was to make something. For me, creating is something that I enjoy, but also something that helps me process my thoughts and emotions. While there are many outlets that I use, like writing or photography, for this particular goodbye, I chose to make a video that blended music, words, and images of the house and family in the past and present. I shared it with my family and friends and am now sharing it with you. Different from the other videos that I create, this one is long (close to 9 minutes.) So don’t feel obligated to watch it. It’s not a marketing piece, which I intentionally keep short. It’s a piece about love, family, and letting go of my childhood home of 57 years.

Click below to watch "Goodbye, home." video . . .

Big exhale, folks. I’m feeling lighter and happier knowing that our home is in good hands, that all the stuff has found good homes, and that life will continue on in its beautiful, wondrous ways. What resonated with you? I’d love to hear your thoughts about letting go. Join the conversation!

The time has come to let go. Perhaps you’re ready and are happily anticipating that sense of freedom. Maybe you’re ambivalent and not sure what it will feel like on the other side. You could also be feeling sadness, impending loss, or resistance. Guess what? All of these feelings around letting go are perfectly normal. There are so many reasons why and what we let go of. Depending on the circumstance, our feelings and attitude about letting go vary wildly.

Maybe you’re moving and need to downsize. Maybe you’re feeling burdened by too much stuff and want to lighten the load. Maybe it’s a new season (yes, spring!) and the change has incentivized you to let go, declutter and organize. Maybe the kids are grown with their own lives and it’s time to let go the things they’ve left behind. What is prompting you to let go now?

Letting go is a regular part of the work I do with clients. While the process is stuff-focused, it’s rarely about the stuff. We might be editing and letting go of for example clothing, books, papers, toys, household goods, art or memorabilia. However, what we’re really doing is making room for the present, releasing things from the past that are making us feel stuck, opening up space in our homes and hearts, and readying ourselves for the next phase of life. So it’s kind of a big deal.  While decisions get made one, small item at a time, the positive outcomes and the feelings surrounding those decisions are huge.

So why is it so hard to let go, even if we know that the outcome will be positive? We’re human. We like to hold on to what we know and understand. There’s comfort and security in that. In general, most of us (not all) don’t like change. Or at least we don’t readily run towards it.

We’ve all experienced or know those who have experienced letting go of things, people, places and stages of life. This month for me is an especially big letting go time. You may have read some of the posts I wrote in the fall and winter about preparing for sale our childhood family home of 57 years. In less than a few weeks it will be sold. A new family will move in by the end of the month. Each time I’ve spent in the house these past months, I’ve been preparing myself for the ultimate letting go.

I am so grateful for all of the wonderful, happy memories that are attached to our family home. I’m grateful for the grounding support and stability the home has given to me and so many family members and friends. While I won’t miss having to care for or maintain the house any longer, I will miss being in the beautiful quiet and memory-filled spaces of our family home.

I know it’s time to let go. My heart is full with tremendous gratitude, love, and yes…sadness. Life goes on. We can’t move forward without letting go.

What are your thoughts about letting go? I’d love to hear what you’re thinking about. Come join the conversation!

Especially for many of you in the northeast, this has been a rough bunch of weeks with one nor’easter after the next. While our home had heat, water and power, many of our friends and neighbors weren’t so lucky. People were displaced and frustrated. When the basics of life that we rely on and frankly often take for granted, are no longer available, everything about daily living becomes more challenging. Our equilibrium is disturbed. Figuring out which steps to take next feels overwhelming.

Last week, I attended Amy Reyer’s wonderful workshop on meditation, mindfulness and attentional intelligence. Several of the people in the class had been or knew people that were affected by the storm. Some felt anxious about returning home to uncertainty due to the storm. One of the ideas from the workshop that stuck with me was “patient attention.” What we pay attention to and cultivate manifests in our lives. That could be compassion, relationships or anything. The more we pay attention to that thing, the more it grows. The other idea discussed was that attention is a skill. Meditation helps cultivate that skill.

So how does this relate to next? In times of stress(be it storms, loss of loved ones, or health challenges), we need to be gentle, patient and kind to ourselves. We can focus our attention in that positive way. That will look and feel different for each person. Take the time you need to let next unfold slowly. Clarity will come.

A Gentle Next Step

Are you gentle with yourself during challenging times? What helps you take next steps? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Come join the conversation!

Connecting with the human side of organizing brings the process to an entirely different place. One way we can do this is by focusing our efforts on the treasures instead of loss. As you organize, if you hunt for treasures, you can experience unexpected joy, laughter, and an array of other emotions. We can learn things about ourselves, understand connections we never realized, or find humor to lighten up our mood.

As some of you may know, I’ve been sorting through and organizing our family home of 56+ years. In recent blog posts, I’ve written more about this experience. If you want to read more, check out these posts including What Are The Possibilities When You Clear Your “Space?,” What Does Organizing Success Look Life For You?, and How to Be Successful With Your Projects and Purpose.

Now back to the wonderfully human aspect of organizing and discovering family treasures. The treasures I found were not gold or jewels, but instead photos, documents, and other things. Today and in the coming weeks, I’ll share some of these discoveries with you. I hope this will inspire you to embrace the human side of organizing and allow you to focus on positive discoveries, learning, and the aspects that are joyful.

There were many things that I found, especially among the photos. They were stored in various places in the house and in no particular order. So they presented me with a sort of treasure hunt on steroids. The treasures I’m sharing this week speak to the rich history of love that was part of my family. Finding them supported me as I sorted, edited, and let go.

My Grandmothers

One of the things that I had forgotten was that over time my grandmothers while from different family backgrounds and corners of the world became very good friends. As a matter of fact, I remember at one point one of my grandmothers went to live with the other for a while. They took care of each other and had a unique friendship. In this photo, which I’d never seen, it shows my Nana Stell and Nana Roe casually sitting together on what looks like a picnic table. It’s probably from the late 1940’s or early 1950's. I can see how comfortable they were together and how much they were enjoying each other’s company.

My Parents

My folks were married over 61 years before my Dad passed away. They were soul mates and deeply in love. They faced life’s challenges together, were strong individually, and an amazing team together. In this photo, their closeness and support of one another is obvious. They loved the sea. I can imagine them standing there together feeling grateful for each other, their family, and the view in front of them. While the waves can knock down even the strongest of us, their love endured all of life’s challenges with grace, generosity, and kindness. They were a positive force in the world.

My Daddy and Me

What can I say? Being the youngest of three, I definitely felt like Daddy’s little girl, or “Squirt,” as he sometimes called me. I can remember the feeling of comfort and love just sitting on my Dad’s lap. All felt right in the world. I loved spending time with him, especially on Saturday mornings when we’d run errands together. It didn’t matter where we went- to the cleaners, the hardware store, or the bakery. It was fun going around with him, just the two of us. He always made me laugh.

As you’ve organized, what treasures have you or your clients discovered? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Come join the conversation!