We’re in the last week of this year and in full holiday mode. You may feel stressed, calm, conflicted, anxious navigating holiday dynamics, sad, lonely, ready for company, happy this year is almost over, excited about your plans for next, grateful, ambivalent, uncertain, exhausted, or off-balance. No matter where you are or what you are feeling, increasing your joy awareness will have a positive outcome. In fact, experiencing more joy will bring a powerful counter-balance to life’s challenges.

One of the highlights of my week is a regular meeting I have with the Executive Mom Nest advisors and members. Marcy Stoudt, the Nest founder, developed a four-pillar concept, which she integrates into our gatherings and her coaching work.

The pillars are:

• Vivid Vision

• Aligned Action

• Growth Mindset

• Prioritizing Joy

During our last meeting, we focused on the pillar, Prioritizing Joy. She asked us to bring forward the “feeling of joy” by listing things that make you feel “comforted, present, inspired, and just plain good.” This was such a powerful thing to do. I encourage you to take a few minutes to create your own list.

“Joy brings a powerful counter-balance to life’s challenges.”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO™

Here are fifty ways joy finds me:

1. Discovering bright spots of color in the bare winter landscape 

2. Putting on my new cozy purple slippers

3. Receiving an unexpected call or text from my kids

4. Hugging my husband

5. Having a deep conversation with a dear friend or loved one

6. Creating a colorful meal

7. Taking my first sip of morning coffee

8. Seeing twinkling lights, sparkles, and glitter

9. Clearing, cleaning, letting go, and organizing

10. Touching velvet

11. Eating fresh fruit and vegetables

12. Spotting a sign of spring like the first purple crocus that appears outside of our dining room window

13. Moisturizing, hydrating, and taking care of myself

14. Writing

15. Walking in the woods

16. Tending to my mini herb garden and flower pots

17. Watching the first big snow of the season

18. Wigging my toes in the sandy beach while hearing and seeing the ocean waves flow

19. Experiencing anything water-related – seeing, hearing, being, or playing in it

20. Doing yoga

21. Practicing mindfulness meditation

22. Having virtual organizing sessions with clients

23. Learning something new

24. Baking

25. Getting a massage

26. Seeing the light and patterns dance along surfaces

27. Swimming

28. Changing into my PJs

29. Taking photos and videos

30. Smelling lemons

31. Putting fresh flowers around my house

32. Feeling the sun on my skin

33. Watching, smelling, and listening to the crackling sounds of a fire

34. Getting into our cozy bed at the end of the day

35. Burning my favorite scented candles

36. Reading a book curled up on the sofa wrapped in a soft blanket 

37. Understanding something in a new way

38. Sharing something I love with someone I love

39. Humming

40. Sipping a cold iced tea with lemon on a hot day

41. Having a guilt-free “blob” day

42. Spending time with our family and friends

43. Setting a beautiful table

44. Seeing something I never noticed before

45. Traveling to somewhere new or familiar

46. Holding hands with my husband

47. Hearing birds chirping

48. Seeing gorgeous colors

49. Reading the hang tags on my Yogi Tea or the fortunes in my Fortune Cookies

50. Laughing so hard that tears roll down my cheeks

When we prioritize joy, we increase our awareness of tiny moments, which will bring more balance, resilience, and happiness into our lives. These moments are there for you, waiting to be noticed and embraced. What are a few things on your “joy” list? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.

What is it with guilt and the difficulty of letting it go? We feel guilty when we think we’ve done something wrong or failed to do something we thought we should have done. We blame ourselves when something we feel responsible for we didn’t do. During several recent conversations, I’ve noticed that we’ve been especially hard on ourselves and experienced many types of guilt. We’re living in an unusual time. The world is in crisis because of the COVID-19 pandemic. Life has changed overnight for many of us, and we are adjusting to living differently. Stress and emotions are heightened, as is our tendency for self-blame and guilt.

Let’s be kinder. We are living in a raw wound-like state. Letting go of guilt is an act of self-compassion. There are several guilt themes I’ve noticed. I’ll share them with you, along with some encouragement for letting go. What have you observed? 

How to Let Go of Guilt During the COVID-19 Crisis

Productivity Guilt

In a recent The New York Times article, “Stop Trying to Be Productive,” Taylor Lorenz makes the case that the message we’re hearing is that we should be more productive with the “extra hours” we were gifted because of the pandemic. However, our experience is quite different. Even though we might have freed-up hours in the day because we aren’t commuting to work or have no work, we are exhausted. We’re finding it challenging enough to take care of the basics. So we are experiencing productivity guilt because we aren’t organizing our decades of memorabilia, cleaning out our garages, writing that novel, or accomplishing more in a day. Let your productivity guilt go.

I admit to erring on the side of staying productive. I want to accomplish things. But I also recognize that we are experiencing grief-like symptoms. So instead of pushing and expecting, we need to be gentle and compassionate. Adjust your expectations of what productivity looks like for now. Instead, focus on what you need to feel healthy, calm, and sane. That might mean a shift to a human being rather than doing.

Being Normal Guilt

Daily meditation is an essential part of my morning routine. Especially now, I am so grateful for this practice. Most days, I use guided meditations on the Insight Timer app. Lately, I’ve been experimenting with some newly released practices that focus on helping us navigate the COVID-19 crisis. They help me with discovering useful perspectives, offering calming strategies, and increasing compassion for self and others. In a recent practice, I listened to Rick Breden’s “Six Questions to Ask Yourself During COVID-19.” Rick is a psychotherapist and CEO of Behavioral Essentials. He asked this question,“What expectations of normal am I letting go of today?”

“What expectations of normal am I letting go of today?”

— Rick Breden

I loved that question because so many of us expect that we should be living like business as usual. But there is nothing ordinary about this time. Having some grace to let go of “normal,” means we can also let go of that guilt. We can let go of should and gift ourselves flexibility and the time needed to adjust to living differently.

Boundaries Guilt

I predict that at some point, you will be directly touched by COVID-19. You might have a family member, coworker, or patient that has it.  As humans, we’re wired to help people. Many people are being asked to go above and beyond to serve and help others while they are potentially putting themselves in harm’s way. Healthcare workers are being asked to be on the front lines and possibly come out of retirement or enter the workforce pre-graduation to assist all those in need. You might have a family member living with or near you that is ill and needs your help, which could put you in danger of also getting sick. Each of us has to decide what we are willing and not willing to do. What risks are we willing to take? And choosing not to help in every situation can result in a lot of guilt. This is a personal choice and a difficult one. If you are experiencing guilt around asserting your boundaries, I understand. Consider what you need to feel safe and remain healthy. Let the boundary guilt go.

Commitment Guilt

When I commit to something or someone, I like to honor my word. If I don’t, I feel guilty, and as though I’ve failed myself and the other person. This has happened a few times in the past few weeks. Circumstances were such that I wasn’t able to be at an event I had committed to or plan an annual event. In one instance, a family member needed my help, and that took priority over another commitment. In the other case, I recognized I didn’t have the bandwidth now to plan a large (virtual) gathering. And even though intellectually I understood the reasons, I was harsh with myself. I felt guilty for changing what I had committed to. I recognized that the kindness I needed was to let go of that guilt. So if you have experienced something similar, it’s time to let go. Grant yourself some grace and flexibility. Be open to adjusting your commitments if needed, guilt-free.

Complaint Guilt

There are so many horrific things happening in the world. People are dying, losing their jobs, and unable to feed their families. Communities are being destroyed. Health care workers are overworked and don’t have adequate protective gear and supplies to help those in need. Because there are so many horrible things going on, we feel guilty complaining about inconveniences like having spring vacation taken away or being unhappy with having to work virtually. There will always be someone that has it worse than you do. So instead of feeling guilty about complaining, perhaps turn it around and focus on gratitude. You can be grateful that you have a job, and simultaneously be upset and guilty that you don’t like how you’re being asked to do your job right now. Those two things can exist simultaneously. It doesn’t make you a bad person. It’s important to honor and express your feelings. Complaining or expressing is cathartic. Let go of the guilt and need we have to do it.

Communication Guilt

Many of us are in more intense contact with people now. We use a variety of ways to keep in touch and reach through the phone, email, texts, letters, Face Time, Skype, Zoom, or other platforms. Some of us are communicating with family, friends, and coworkers in new ways or more frequently. For some of us, it might feel like a full-time job. There are so many people we are concerned about in various corners of the world and in our lives. After several weeks of this, some of us are beginning to feel exhausted by the pandemic talk. Even though we think we should be reaching out, what we really feel like doing is retreating into our cocoon. No talking. No communicating. Just being still and quiet. That response is resulting in some feelings of guilt. After all, we keep hearing how important it is to stay in touch with people. So many are isolated. For those feeling guilty about wanting to communicate less, let your guilt go. Honor your needs. This doesn’t have to be an all or nothing. Take a break or reach out less frequently. Adjust what enough feels like.

We’re all feeling raw with the changes and uncertainty. It’s essential to focus on those things that lift us up, reduce stress, and help us feel centered. From there, we can increase our reserves so we have something left to help others. Guilt depletes us. Be generous with your self-compassion. Are you having difficulty letting go of guilt? What are you experiencing? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to leave a comment and join the conversation.