We like to think we can do it all ourselves. Is that just me? Seriously though, we’re human. No one can do it all themselves. Enlisting help is part of our experience whether we embrace it or not. If you’re overwhelmed, stressed or just plain tired of going it alone, this list of potential help outlets could be just the thing you need make a change. Which one sounds good to you?

10 Valuable Kinds of Help . . .

Organizing Help – If organizing skills are challenging for you, reaching out to a professional organizer for help can be one of the best investments you’ll make. Why not hire an organizer that you can learn from, work with, and get the support you need to reach your goals? I’d love to help you. If I'm not the right fit, please contact one of my ICD or NAPO colleagues. For organizers based outside the United States find additional referrals through POC, JALO, NBPO, AAPO, or APDO-UK.

Accountability Help – Maybe you know what you want to accomplish, but are struggling by going solo. Enlisting help from an accountability partner such as a coach, friend or colleague to check-in with can be the magic solution for getting there.

Mental Health Help – Many of us live with or live with those that struggle with mental health challenges such as depression, anxiety, ADHD, hoarding disorder, or OCD. Having a trained professional on your help team is essential. The right type of support can make all the difference for you and your loved ones. NAMI and ICD are two great resources for mental health information and education.

Maintenance Help – If you don’t have the know-how or time to make repairs, maintain your home, or renovate, hire someone to help. If you’re handy, go to it, but for many of us, finding that trusted repairperson makes life less stressful so that we can get that leak fixed fast and focus on what we do best.

Momentary Help – Remember the last time your arms were full of groceries, pocketbook and keys while exiting a store? Then a stranger offered to hold the door for you. You accepted that fleeting moment of help, felt grateful, and expressed your thanks. There are small opportunities each day to graciously accept and appreciate small gestures of help. It gives you the chance to pay it forward.

Health Help – Whether it’s a chronic medical condition, temporary illness, nutrition issue, or exercise challenge, finding a professional that can guide and support you can greatly improve the quality of your life. We tend to take better care of our cars than we do our bodies. What type of health help do you need?

Transportation Help – I’m grateful for being self-sufficient and able to drive myself where I need to go, but recently I’ve encountered some situations when I needed help. The list included help from tow trucks, car rental companies, auto repair shops, car services, car dealers, taxis, and my husband to get me from place to place. Case in point- we all need help sometimes.

Financial Help – As savvy as you are, maybe you need help in the form of a bookkeeper, accountant or financial planner. We’re not all numbers people. And even if we are, we might not have the time to handle everything ourselves. This is a great opportunity for enlisting help and delegating.

Compassion Help – Emily Kimbrough said, “Remember, we all stumble, every one of us. That’s why it’s a comfort to go hand in hand.” There’s nothing quite like receiving a hug or being with a friend who has a non-judgmental listening ear when we’re struggling. Your friends will be there to help when you need them and you can reciprocate the gift when they need you.

Laughter Help– Studies show that laughter is good for your health. It can lower your stress level, improve your memory, and burn calories. Do you need help adding more laughter into your day? How about getting together with friends that make you laugh, watching a funny video on YouTube, or taking a Comedy Improv class?

Help comes in many forms and from many sources. Which of these resonate with you? What are some of your favorite sources for help that I haven’t listed? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Come join the conversation.

Cameron Gott

Our popular “Ask the Expert” interview series connects you with dynamic thought leaders. This year we’ve spoken with Dr. Thomas Armstrong about motivation, Harold Taylor about time management, Erin Rooney Doland about clutter, Francine Jay about letting go, Todd Henry about next steps, Dr. Debbie Grove about change, and Joshua Becker about fresh starts. For August, I’m thrilled to have with us coach and trainer, Cameron Gott to share his insights about enlisting help.

My wonderful friend and mentor, Denslow Brown introduced me to Cam many years ago. Since then, I’ve had the pleasure of not only hearing Cam speak about coaching and ADHD, but also trained with him directly through Coach Approach for Organizers. I love our conversations whether they are in person, over the phone, or through our social media channels. He’s insightful, interesting, and always offers a unique perspective. Before we begin the interview, here’s more about him.

Cameron Gott is a champion of Global Creatives who helps smart people with ADHD get the stuff done that really matters. He also trains and mentors coaches, and blogs about thriving as a Global Creative. With Denslow Brown and Andrea Sharb, Cam develops and delivers high quality coach training and certification uniquely tailored for professional organizers through Coach Approach for Organizers. You can connect with him on Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, Google+, blog or website.

Linda Samuels:  Your life’s work is about coaching others to take action on what really matters. What prompts your clients to reach out for help?

Cameron Gott:  Clients seek coaching support when they see a real need for change - That what was working no longer works. For my clients it is a desire to have a different daily work experience than just addressing the most urgent matters on their lists.

Linda:  What are some of the challenges we might encounter when we enlist help?

Cam:  Ourselves, namely a fixed mindset powered by dusty old beliefs that no longer serve us like, “To be successful I have to do this by myself!” or “I’m too messed up to be helped!” or “I shouldn’t need help!” These old, fixed beliefs can convince us that enlisting help equals giving up, which in turn equals failure. We don’t want to be perceived as weak so we don’t ask for help. It’s a vicious cycle. False beliefs about ‘going it alone’ can become even more amplified when we think about our biggest dreams.

Linda:  What is the “Lone Ranger” approach and how does it sabotage success?

Cam:  Americans can have a romantic idea about how success looks. It’s based on the image of the lone cowboy, independent and self reliant who rides in to save the day.  Success stories in business magnify this storyline of grit, determination and self-reliance.  These are not bad qualities but don’t be fooled. In this day and age of  connectivity and specialty, success comes through these qualities but also collaboration, communication, strategic support and what Stephen Covey refers to as valueing differences. When we embrace the ‘go it alone/Lone Ranger’ mindset and focus only on the our pre-conceived notion of success, we shut ourselves off from incredible resources and offers of help along the journey.

Linda:  What has been your biggest personal enlisting help challenge?

Cam:Learning about and living with my own unique brain wiring. Diagnosed with ADD at age 28, I had to overcome a lot of shame to reach out for help. I also had to get clear on what I actually needed help with! I am still learning at age 49 about my strengths, sensitivities and challenges. What’s shifted is how I view enlisting help. Before I viewed it from a ‘helpless’ perspective. Now I view enlisting help from a curious/learning perspective, which is very different, very empowering. This approach to enlisting help is a central theme when working with my ADHD clients.

Linda:  What is your most surprising discovery about enlisting help?

Cam:When we open ourselves to help amazing people come forward and amazing things happen.  Some of my richest connections first started out as a request for help.

Linda:  Is there anything you’d like to add about enlisting help?

Cam:Enlisting help is good boundaries practice and management. Be aware, stay engaged and pay attention to your limits. Be open and vulnerable but also be specific with ‘the ask.’ Don’t hand it off completely. Stay informed and stay present. Research your help needs before you ask for help. Help doesn’t mean giving up responsibility or ultimate control. Create mutual agreements with help partners defining roles and expectations with clear end points. When it comes to enlisting coaching help interview more than one coach and be curious about whose agenda they will champion, theirs or yours.

Thank you, Cam for being here with us. Where to begin? There are so many gems that resonate with me like “dusty old beliefs that no longer serve us.” How often do we get in our own way by holding on to ideas that aren’t productive? Guilty as charged! Your “Lone Ranger” idea also strikes a chord with me. How often do we shut ourselves off from potential resources and help because we think we have to do it all alone? Did you write that for me? I’ve learned over time how to reach out for help, collaborate, and let go of the “going it alone” idea. Then there’s your idea about getting clear with what help you really need and the growth and learning that follows. While I could go on and on, I’ll stop here because I’d love to hear from others.

Join Cam and me as we continue the conversation. What are some enlisting help challenges or successes have you experienced? What are your thoughts?

Thomas Armstrong, Ph.D.

It’s time again to share our popular “Ask the Expert” interview series that connects you with dynamic thought leaders. This year we’ve spoken with Harold Taylor about time management, Erin Rooney Doland about clutter, Francine Jay about letting go, Todd Henry about next steps, Dr. Debbie Grove about change, and Joshua Becker about fresh starts. For July, I’m excited to have with us prolific author, speaker, and learning and human development expert, Dr. Thomas Armstrong to share his insights about motivation.

I had the pleasure of meeting Thomas almost two years ago when he spoke about Neurodiversity at the Institute for Challenging Disorganization (ICD) conference in Denver. He’s a fabulous presenter who is knowledgeable and engaging. My gratitude goes to Thomas for taking the time from his busy travel schedule to join us. When we communicated this past spring, he was just returning from being away for a month lecturing in Abu Dhabi. Before we begin, here’s more about him.

Thomas Armstrong, Ph.D. is the Executive Director of the American Institute for Learning and Human Development, an award-winning author and speaker, and an educator for forty years. Over one million copies of his books are in print on issues related to learning and human development. He’s written fifteen books including The Myth of the A.D.D. Child and 7 Kinds of Smart. Dr. Armstrong has given over 900 keynotes and workshops in 44 states and 23 countries. You can connect with him on Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, blog or website.

Linda Samuels:How has your expertise in neurodiversity and multiple intelligences influenced your ideas about motivation?

Thomas Armstrong, Ph.D.:  It’s clear to me that students are much more likely to be motivated to learn if they have an opportunity to learn using their most highly developed and/or most highly preferred intelligences.  Similarly, if a student has special needs (LD, ADHD, Autism etc.), they are more likely to be motivated in school if they are helped to learn using their strengths, rather than their weaknesses.  By focusing on words and numbers in the schools (rather than pictures, the body, music, nature etc.), we’re cutting off natural motivational channels for many kids.  And by employing a deficit orientation for kids with special needs, rather than a diversity perspective, we’re making it harder for these kids to get motivated.

Linda:  What motivates us to change?

Thomas: I’ve always liked Abraham Maslow’s schema on motivation, which he shared in the chapter ‘’Defense and Growth’’ in his book Toward a Psychology of Being.  He says you become motivated to change when a) you minimize the dangers of making a change, b) you maximize the dangers of not changing; c) you maximize the advantages of making a change, d) you minimize the advantages of not changing.  It’s a simple, elegant formula that anyone can use to develop a willingness to take a new job, exercise, not smoke, learn a new language, enter a new relationship, and so forth.

Linda:  What is one common motivation obstacle and a strategy for overcoming it?

Thomas:  Fear or anxiety seems to me to be the primary hurdle. There are many good strategies for overcoming fear/anxiety including meditation, strenuous exercise, psychotherapy, progressive relaxation, visualization, and yoga, just to name a few. I’ve used all of them, and to good effect.

Linda:  What has been your biggest personal motivation challenge?

Thomas: I’d prefer not to dig that deep into my past, but one very big personal challenge for me in the past several years has been my desire to write a novel.  I started sketching notes for a novel in 1990, began in earnest on it in the early 2000’s, and have been working intermittently on it ever since.  I’ve had to confront my own self-doubts about my ability to write fiction, my own difficulty in moving over from my left hemisphere (non-fiction) to my right hemisphere (novel), and my general difficulty in facing an empty page and moving into the unknown. I’m happy to report that I completed the first rough draft of my 120,000-word novel just last month while I was working in Abu Dhabi, United Arab Emirates. I celebrated by having lunch at Hemingway’s, a restaurant at the hotel dedicated to one of America’s greatest novelists.  Now, on to the revisions!

Linda:  What is your most surprising discovery about motivation?

Thomas: That you have to keep on re-motivating yourself. Motivation is not just one long surge. At least for me, it comes in spurts, and in different ways, and I guess, surprisingly for me, through dreams (which really helped motivate me to write my novel).

Linda:  What else would you like to add?

Thomas: So many parents ask:  how can I motivate my child to learn?  This is the wrong question. Your child was born with a natural motivation to learn, otherwise our species would have gone extinct. The question is, how do we re-motivate our kids, how do we reconnect them back to that intrinsic love of learning that they were born with. Here’s a hint:  tests, grades, ‘’rigorous’’ and demanding coursework, labeling, tracking, a standardized curriculum – these are not the ways!

Thomas, I love the positive, strengths-based approach you have about motivation and learning. Working from a place that energizes us makes so much sense whether we’re a child or an adult. Thank you also for highlighting Abraham Maslow’s model on motivation and change. Those ideas along with the strategies you shared for overcoming motivation obstacles are so helpful. I’m sure they’ll resonate with my readers.

Please join Thomas and me as we continue the conversation. Share your ideas about motivation, strengths-based being, and change. What are your thoughts?

8 Lessons LearnedWe are human beings that make mistakes. It’s impossible to go through life without taking some wrong turns, isn’t it? Of course our mistakes will vary as much as the lessons or growth we experience from them. And while there’s nothing quite as effective as hands-on learning, we can also learn something from other people’s stories. I enlisted help from a generous group of wonderful colleagues (Andrea Sharb, Cena Block, Peggy Pardo, Sheila Delson, April Lane Benson, Susan Lasky, Yota Schneider, and Sue West.) I asked them, “Can you describe a personal mistake or failure, which was accompanied by learning and growth?” Their responses are poignant, motivating, and inspiring. My deepest gratitude goes to each of them for bravely sharing their lessons with us. If you’re grappling with unresolved mistakes or feelings of failure, keep reading to discover some powerful, forward-thinking strategies that might work for you.

Can you describe a personal mistake or failure, which was accompanied by learning and growth? . . .

Slowing Down

“A significant source of failure for me: taking on too much, becoming overwhelmed and not completing tasks as a result. For many years I felt like I was failing everyday. An ADHD diagnosis and learning about how my brain works helped build awareness around what was happening so I could begin to slow this cycle. Now, a couple of my daily best practices questions help me maintain an ongoing awareness around this: 

Is this new opportunity just shiny, or will it truly energize me in the long run?

Am I relying on found time to get to what's most important?"

Andrea Sharb, CPO-CD®, ACC®, COC®, CPO® – Professional Organizer & ADHD Productivity Coach

Letting Go of Perfection

“One thing I struggled with early on in business was waiting till I had it 'right' before launching something new. It didn't matter whether it was a class, a blog post, a workshop, or a new pricing package… I was stopped because it didn't feel 'ready'.  This is something with which I know many mompreneurs struggle. Getting it right is largely connected to the hidden insecurity of not feeling good enough. (YES, those insecurities always seem to be lurking behind the scenes!) So, my PERSONAL MISTAKE was to wait, wait, wait… and use 'getting it right' as an excuse to stay stuck.  When I hired a coach, and she held this 'pattern' up so I could see it, I set a date and launched - in all my imperfection. What I learned was that waiting to launch to make it perfect was safer. Launching was more risky - but ultimately served MORE people… and allowed me to let go of the perfection.”

Cena Block – Business Coach, Author & Speaker

Trusting Instincts

“Most of the biggest mistakes I've made in my life have happened when I didn't listen to the ‘little voice inside my head’, call it instinct or intuition, and instead listened to others because I wasn't confident enough in my abilities. Hindsight has taught me to pay attention to what my gut is telling me and trust my own judgment. This has helped me to develop confidence in my decisions and talents.”

Peggy Pardo – Interior Decorator, Professional Organizer, Author, & Blogger

Doing No Harm

“One big personal mistake: assuming too much reliance and trust on others over myself. Betrayal and abandonment resulted when I was given an ultimatum over someone I wanted to marry – their way or the highway. I chose "my way!"  An excruciating lesson thirty years ago became my greatest blessing since. I've learned the value of forgiveness and tolerance of other’s mistakes, and my own as well.  We all try to do the best we can. Today this lesson impacts my daily decisions both personally and professionally.  Whenever possible – do no harm!”

Sheila Delson, CPO-CD® – Certified Professional Organizer in Chronic Disorganization

Trusting Others

“Over thirty years ago, my husband began a retirement account for me that I contributed to each year. He did extremely well and my small initial investment grew by a multiple by 30! The tech bubble burst. I lost about 80% of that paper profit. I got extremely angry and took the management of the account away from him, which made him very angry. I put what money was left in a hedge fund and lost almost all the rest! What I learned was that I needed to totally trust my husband who had already more than proved himself.”

April Lane Benson, Ph.D. – Psychologist & Author

Honoring Imperfections

“As a professional organizer, I am ‘supposed’ to stay organized.  As a productivity coach, I am ‘supposed’ to walk my talk.  As a human being, I often fall short.  For a long time, I felt this dichotomy between knowing and doing made me an imposter. Even though I was frequently successful in following my own advice, I was never consistent, so how could I advise clients? 

A wonderful thing happened when I learned to truly accept myself, with humor and grace (which also became Step #2 in my 7-Step PowerPlan to Success).  As I shared my challenges with prospects and clients, their reaction was totally supportive and even relieved that I wasn’t ‘perfect.’  They felt I deeply understood their issues, and could help them break free from their own inner critic.”

Susan Lasky, M.A., SCAC – Board Certified Coach & Professional Organizer

Forgiving Self

“I've had my share of mistakes but once I begin to think about them in terms of the growth and learning that followed, they stop looking like mistakes. Of course not every mistake is accompanied by meaningful growth. There are mistakes I've made that simply highlight an aspect of myself that needs to be known.

What comes to mind is how I left corporate. I hadn't been happy for a while but instead of thinking it through, I just quit. As a result, I've had to backtrack numerous times and learn how to deal with the aftermath. I had to learn how to build a business from the ground up, keep going despite the obstacles, and forgive myself for not knowing it all. I believe I am a better coach because of all I've been through.”

Yota Schneider, Seasons of Change Certified Master Coach – Life Transitions Coach, Workshops & Retreat Facilitator, Blogger, & Mindfulness Meditation Practitioner

Listening to Intuition

“I was a late bloomer to listening to the inner, intuitive voice which is uniquely mine. Any time that quiet whisper of a voice spoke to me, I ignored it, not believing in it. The growth came through learning to feel my feelings, so that my voice would grow louder and stronger. The learning came about due to errors of experience, through work with a therapist who didn't let me get away with intellectualizing, my work with clients who taught (and teach) me more than they will ever know, and my coaching program, where I learned even deeper listening skills.”

Sue West, CPO-CD®, COC® – Organizing & ADHD Coach

The deep knowing that each person has experienced by making mistakes, choosing wrong paths, and failing is so inspiring. We’ve all been there. It can be painful to grow. However, the silver lining is that we can use those lessons to have healthier, more productive, and happier lives. We can also use our experiences to help others.

Which lessons resonate with you? Do you have a personal learning experience to share? Come join the conversation.