Denslow Brown

Denslow Brown, Organizer & CoachInspiring conversations continue with the “Ask the Expert” feature on The Other Side of Organized blog. We’ve spoken about possibilities with DeeAnne White, success with Lori Deschene, enlisting help with Janet Barclay, motivation with Dr. Shannon Reece, time management with Julie Morgenstern, clutter with Lorie Marrero, letting go with Geralin Thomas, next steps with Yota Schneider, and change with John Ryan. As we shift our focus this month, I’m thrilled to bring you the fabulous coach, organizer, speaker, and trainer, Denslow Brown to share her wisdom about creating a life that fits.

Denslow and I met almost 20 years ago through our professional organizing associations, NAPO and ICD. She is an industry leader and teacher who I greatly admire for her wisdom, unique perspectives, and ability to clearly communicate. I am honored to have her as my mentor and friend. My deepest thanks and gratitude goes to her for taking the time to join us. Before we begin, here’s more about Denslow.

Denslow Brown, CPO, CPO-CD, SCAC, MCC is the only person in the organizing and coaching professions with the highest credentials in both fields, attesting to her decades of experience, training, leadership, and pioneering efforts in these areas. She has also developed a specialty working with individuals with ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder, also known as AD/HD, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.) In addition to working with those who want organizing and life-design support, she mentors and trains many organizing and coaching professionals. She has been an organizer since 1974. Denslow is the founder and Director of Training of the Coach Approach for OrganizersTM. You can connect with Denslow on Facebook, Linkedin, or training and coaching websites.

Linda:  You’re an expert on helping others create a life that fits. What are some of the essential ingredients to incorporate into the mix?

Denslow:  Self-knowledge is the key to creating a life that fits.  You can’t know what your own incredible life could look like if you don’t know your strengths, values, needs, roles, passions, goals and preferences – as well as specific challenges (health issues, modality sensitivities, etc.)

Linda:  It’s likely that we’ll make mistakes as we design a life that fits. What is the value in those challenges?

Denslow:  Mistakes will be made on our way to a life that fits – it’s inevitable.  It helps, of course, to use those mistakes as learning opportunities.  Say, for example, you make a choice to enter a profession or take a certain job only to discover that it’s a terrible fit.  Think back to your initial thinking and assumptions.  What do you understand now that you didn’t before?  Was the choice of what kind of work to go into wrong or was the specific situation you found yourself in wrong in its own unique ways? In retrospect, could you have defined or shaped your company, job or industry differently (to suit you)?  Were you somehow naïve in your assumptions going in?  What have you learned about yourself?  Our mistakes offer us rich data for the all-important self-knowledge picture if we’re willing to deconstruct them.

Linda:  What becomes possible when we focus on our strengths, needs and values?

Denslow:  Focusing on strengths allows you to contribute the best of yourself.  You simply feel better about who you are in the world when you operate out of your strengths.  You’re more likely to feel that your day went well.  You also are in a better position to be appreciated and compensated when you offer your strengths (your best) to a workplace, group or family (generally speaking).

Focusing on and meeting your needs (what you need in terms of basic survival and well-being) offers the emotional freedom that comes from a sense of security.  Ignoring your own needs is draining and upsetting which undermines health and healthy relationships. 

Focusing on your values (what you need to feel fulfilled) enriches life and gives it meaning.  When we live our values we feel we are who we were meant to be.  The person who values family spends time with family.  The person who values beauty makes art, works in the garden or decorates her home.

Linda:  Sometimes we lack clarity.  How do we identify what is most important?

Denslow:  Making time to develop broad self-knowledge is important.  Any really wonderful or challenging experience is worth reflection.  Talk it over with a friend, write or mind-map about it, or mull it over when walking or driving (safely, please). What does that experience tell you about who you are, what your strengths are and what you value and/or need?

Linda:  What has been your biggest personal challenge around creating a life that brought out the best of who you are?

Denslow:  My biggest challenge was learning to accommodate my late-diagnosed inattentive ADD which came to the forefront when I was in my late 30’s when I entered that long pre-menopausal period when hormone (specifically estrogen) support is less consistent for women.  Until then, my intelligence, cheerful nature, organizing skills and willingness to make some unconventional choices meant that my ADD symptoms weren’t as problematic or noticeable as they could have been.  For example, I was self-employed and a renter – and I’d chosen not to have children -- so my life seemed pretty manageable. 

But with a new home (which I designed and helped build over 6 years) and the lack of consistent hormone support, my ADD symptoms became really problematic.  I needed to identify my real priorities (values, needs), take better care of myself (sleep, yoga, scheduling), and then identify and hold my boundaries. 

These were big shifts and they happened over time.  To create my life that fits I needed to learn about ADD.  The support of an ADD coach was really important in helping me understand how ADD shows up in my life specifically.  There was a lot of humorous but negative self-talk which I had been pretty unaware of.  I learned to replace it with more positive and accurate statements.  I had no idea how those muttered comments could undermine my days. I also needed to learn to leverage my strengths more.  Like many others, I didn’t see all of my strengths, as they seemed natural to me.  That leveraging of strengths was huge.

Ten years later I again worked with a coach to redesign my organizing and coaching business.  This time we really looked at the whole picture: strengths, values, needs, roles, passions, goals and preferences, as well as limits and boundaries.  Through a process of elimination and experimentation I determined that teaching coaching skills to organizers was the next stage of life work for me.  I love to teach and I love organizers and the work they do in the world.  I passionately believe training in coaching and ADD are critical to the organizing industry, which I’ve long been devoted to.  I’m still self-employed so I have a lot of say about my “working conditions.” I have considerable administrative assistance.  I work with training partners, which helps my focus and provides back up.  All these choices are ADD supportive.  And because I train by phone I can live in the beautiful countryside with lots of land, privacy, animals and community. 

Recently my life partner had a terrible illness.  I wondered, as her unconscious body worked through the decision to live or die, whether we or I would want to stay in our home and life – and if I would want to continue my work.  Now that we are a year into her recovery, I am excited to realize that the life we’d created for ourselves and the work life I’d created for myself, still excited us.  The only change was a much deeper gratitude for a life that fits!

Thank you, Denslow for sharing both your life philosophy and personal journey with us. Your ideas and life are a testament to the fact that by searching for self-knowledge, enlisting the right kind of support, focusing on one’s strengths, passions, values, and needs, you truly can flourish and design a life that fits. I invite all of you to join Denslow and me as we continue the conversation. Which ideas resonate with you? 

The Meta-Monumental Garage Sale by Martha Rosler

In the past few years, I saw two exhibits at the Museum of Modern Art (MOMA) in New York City that had organizing themes. I’ve always recognized and enjoyed the visual aspect of the organizing work that I do. These installations brought art and organizing into a new light. While the two exhibits served different purposes, present in each were themes of collecting, repurposing, preserving, and letting go.

Martha Rosler’s The Meta-Monumental Garage Sale is on view through the end of this month. She says, “An object is always more than what it is: A chair is never only a chair, a spoon never merely a spoon. It travels through social worlds, and carries forward a history, belonging first to those who produced it, and later, to those who bought, used, altered, sold, traded, or discarded it. Value is ascribed to it, value is withdrawn; value is regenerated.”

Rosler’s interactive exhibit allows you to actually participate in the Garage Sale, by physically handling the objects, bargaining with the sellers, and purchasing someone else’s discards. Similar objects are grouped together. Signs such as “Haggle,” or “Everything Clean Nothing Guaranteed,” along with real time video monitors of people shopping, encourage you to engage in the active art of acquiring. As I walked around, I could feel the buzz of others enjoying the hunt.

Waste Not by Song Dong

The other exhibit, which I saw several years ago at MOMA, was Song Dong’s piece Waste Not. It was a poignant tribute and collaboration with the artist’s mother who would not part with any of her completely filled Beijing home. With his mother’s agreement, he turned her accumulated possessions into an art project. In her culture, the art of not wasting was considered “a prerequisite for survival.” In our culture, this type of saving without any dispossession would be thought of as hoarding behavior. The installation included the complete contents of her home, amassed over fifty years. Everyday items like pots, plastic bottles, and empty toothpaste tubes were organized and displayed for viewers to walk through and see. While you couldn’t touch the objects, as in the Garage Sale, you could get close to them without any barriers.

The things we collect, save, and let go of are integral to our human experience. With these two exhibits, someone else’s letting go enabled us to reexamine these objects as art, life, and new possibilities. What are your thoughts about acquiring, saving, or letting go?

Holiday Guide 101There are tons of wonderful holiday guides, apps, and blog posts available for making your holidays more organized, less stressful, and much happier.  Resources like List PlanIt, Real Simple, and The Happiness Project blog are chock full of ideas and tips. As we have begun the holiday season, I wanted to share some tips I use to keep me organized, sane, and happy during this season of celebration.

Plan – Before doing anything including saying “yes” or “no” to invites, decide how much activity you want to participate in during the holiday season. Do you want to host? Do you want to be a guest? Do you want a combination of each? Look at your calendar. Talk with your family. Stop to review and block out the time you want to devote to the upcoming festivities.

Prep – Now that you’ve done some planning, taking time to prepare for the various events (whether hosting or guesting,) will help keep you calm and make the gatherings more enjoyable. If you’re hosting, set aside some quiet time to review the things you’ll need to buy, cook, order, or get ready. I’m a big fan of list making. For annual events, I use an electronic version of the event and update it each year. If you’re going to be a guest, is there anything you need to bring? If so, add this to your list. Give yourself calendar time to both think and do.

Play – Along with the holidays, comes a lot of doing. This might include food shopping, gift buying, cooking, organizing spaces for guests, or changing schedules and routines. There might be more people, sounds, and activities happening in your home than you’re used to. If you adopt a playful attitude and focus on the joy of doing whether that’s baking apple pies, changing sheets for the umpteenth time, or running to the market for the few ingredients that you forgot on your last trip, you will significantly increase your happiness factor. Practice mindfulness while you’re actively doing. Be present. Enjoy each step.

Pace – It’s so easy to get caught up in the frenzy of the holiday eating, shopping, and cooking. Usually social interaction is increased and personal time is decreased. Remember to pace yourself, paying special attention to self-care. Get enough sleep, watch your caffeine intake, stay hydrated, build in exercise time, eat nutritiously and take short “me-time” breaks before you’re feeling frazzled.

Pause – Shifting our thoughts to a positive state of mind, becomes especially important during the holidays. These are special times when we gather with our loved ones, enjoy wonderful meals, extra time together, and express our gratitude and love for one another. As much as we love our family and friends, so much togetherness or “family dynamics” can add some holiday stress. Think about being gratitude-focused. Let those that you love know how you feel. Time is precious. Life is precious.

I am so grateful for this wonderful community of people that contribute so generously to the blog. I’d love to hear from you. What are your favorite holiday tips or thoughts?

Our stories connect us, speak to our humanity, and let us know we’re not alone. Especially because of the dramatic events these past days, many due to storm Sandy, each of you have stories to share about change, frustration, flexibility, love, gratitude, letting go, and perseverance. I’d love to hear them. How we choose to perceive or respond to a situation can transform sadness into joy, or pain into gratitude. Here are a few perspective shifts that I recently experienced.

Letting Go

Our daughters always shared a small bedroom, which included a matched set of twin-sized captain beds. Since they are now in college and beyond, with one daughter temporarily moved back home, we planned to redesign the space, sell the beds, and replace them with one larger bed. We thought it would make the room more spacious and comfortable for family and friends. The girls encouraged the change. A few days after storm Sandy, the person buying the beds came to pick them up. In preparation, we emptied the room, which created temporary havoc in other areas. We cleaned, purged, organized, and put things back into this once familiar space. I hadn’t anticipated how upset I would feel when the room was disassembled and the beds left the house. The chaos of having things out of place along with the unpredictability of the storm stirred my emotions. The room’s transformation, which included letting go of the beds, marked the end of an era. My eyes welled up as tears of loss streamed down my cheeks. After some grieving, my tears stopped. Warmth enveloped me as I reflected about the positive family memories we had and new times ahead. As I let go to make room for the next stage, I felt lighter.

Gratitude

Within a few days of selling the beds, we realized that due to the storm, one of our large oak trees was ripping out of the earth by it’s roots and leaning dangerously over our house. Our tree guys came to assess the situation. They explained that we weren’t safe in the house, the danger was imminent, and our tree needed to be cut down. They couldn’t do the work right away because they were helping other local families who had more serious problems like trees crushing their homes. They secured the tree temporarily, which held it for two days before they returned to take it down. When I first realized that we were going to lose the tree, I was very sad. I loved this tree. It provided shade, was beautiful to look at, was familiar, and strong. As the days passed, my sadness shifted to gratitude that the tree had been removed before it could harm our family or our home. The sense of loss was replaced with feelings of gratitude.

Love

The day before our tree was removed, I brought my mom back to her home. She stayed with us for about a week because the storm left her without power, heat or phones. Once she settled in, I searched her house gathering up all the flashlights and making sure they were in good working order. My dad passed away in March. He loved his toys and gadgets. I knew that somewhere in his office he must have a multi functional flashlight. During my hunt, I uncovered three of his flashlights. The first was a bright yellow flashlight, which included a siren, a flashing light, and radio. Finding this made me smile because I found one of Dad’s “toys,” and cry because I missed him. I also found a flashlight that worked by shaking it, although, I couldn’t get it to light. Lastly, I found a large red flashlight that had a built in first aid kit. I showed them to my mom and the two of us burst out crying and then began laughing. Although he was gone, he was with us, helping us appreciate the humor and feel his loving presence.

It’s been an emotional time. How about you? What have you noticed during these past days? Have you seen any perspective shifts? Come join the conversation. Share your thoughts and stories.