There are many success secrets for life, feeling balanced and getting organized. Success is defined differently for each of us. This new month, a transition month marks the end of summer and the beginning of the school year. It’s a chance to start over and think about the successes we want to chase. In my book, The Other Side of Organized, chapter nine is exclusively about success secrets. One secret seems particularly pertinent right now. That is preparation.

Why is that on my mind? I’m thinking about how we just returned from dropping our youngest child off at college. Physical and emotional preparation was needed to get her there. Both were key in helping her have a successful launch and transition.

The preparation began early. From day one, we knew that our job as parents was to teach her what we could and simultaneously let go enough for her to learn on her own. We knew that the delicate balance between those was essential preparation for success in life.

Fast-forward 18 years and it was time for college. We researched, visited and discussed options. From there came her essay writing, applications and interviews. Each one of these helped prepare her for the next phase and create an environment for success.

After the acceptance letters arrived and she made her choice, the physical preparation began.  The past month was spent organizing, making lists, shopping and packing. All the while, we imagined and prepared ourselves emotionally for the next phase.

As we said our teary good-byes and I pulled tissues out of my bag, we knew that preparation eased the arrival of this juncture. Our hearts were full with emotions and pride in knowing our girl was ready. The stage has been set for a successful transition. The next part of our journey begins.

How are you preparing for success?

Fortunately for us, we have the ability to perform multiple roles. When it comes to “help,” sometimes we are on the giving and other times on the receiving end. In my book, The Other Side of Organized, chapter eight is about enlisting help. Why did I choose to write an entire chapter on this topic? Many individuals are challenged by the organizing piece in their lives. Along with that struggle, they feel uncomfortable asking for help. Through writing, I hope to alleviate some of that conflict by reframing how we think about it.

At first glance, as a parent, wife, daughter, sister, aunt, friend, volunteer, solopreneur, professional organizer and author, I more often view myself in the giving rather than receiving role when it comes to help. But as I examine this more closely, I realize that every time I am the giver of help, in return I receive help in the form of growth, understanding, satisfaction and more.  When I actively enlist help, I get the benefit of another person’s focus, expertise and compassion to assist me in an area I struggle with. When looked at this way, help becomes a two-way street. In the best cases, both parties benefit from the exchange.

You might be organizationally challenged to the degree that it’s having a negative impact on your daily life, your relationships or your job. You feel frustrated because you’ve tried to get organized on your own many times, but are dissatisfied and unsuccessful with your efforts. Perhaps this has been a long-term challenge of months, years or decades. By reaching out for the right type of help from a professional, family member or friend, you will not only be receiving assistance, but you will most likely be helping the other person in exchange. The helper in return may become more compassionate, creative, motivated and inspired. Who knew that asking for help was actually a gift to the other person?

As the summer is nearing its end, much of my time has shifted to helping our youngest daughter organize and prepare for going off to college. We’ve been going through all of her belongings and memorabilia to decide what stays home, gets released or goes with her to school. I am most definitely helping her to organize. But in the process of going through the 18 years of school work, photos, essays, cards, clothes, games, books and more, Cassie is most definitely helping me to prepare for this next phase of my life. She’s giving me the chance to relive some wonderful memories of her growing up, laugh a lot about things I’d forgotten, shed a few tears, enjoy seeing how much she’s grown and assist her mom through this transition.

So, in helping her, my girl is helping me. It’s a beautiful two-way street.

I’d love to hear about your giving and receiving experiences!

Raising two girls has not only been one of the most tremendous joys of my life, but it has also been a wonderful education. It was fascinating to learn what motivated them to explore and accomplish. As parents, it’s challenging to identify what motivates us, let alone figuring out what motivates our children. Both pursuits are worthwhile. Why is it that we do anything? The answer varies as widely as we do. We are not made from the same mold and what motivates you to accomplish your goals is different from what motivates your kids.

For our older daughter, Allison, it was apparent that she was motivated by her own agenda from a very early age. She was born determined, faced all challenges head-on, and never looked at “no” as an obstacle. To her, the word “no” was simply an opportunity to arrive at a “yes.” She tried walking at nine months, kept falling, getting up, and trying until she got it. Praise was not important to her. She had her own internal bar that she set from which she motivated herself. She had her own set of rules, way of working, and pacing. We encouraged and cheered her on but pretty much just stepped back as she explored. Music was important to her. While she had many opportunities to perform, she never really liked playing for others. One of her greatest pleasures was and still is just playing for herself for the sheer joy of it.

For Cassie, two years younger, she was motivated by external rewards, expectations, group experiences, and recognition. One of my clearest memories of this was around potty training. When it came time to potty train Cassie at age two, Allison decided to help. She created a potty training system. In our bathroom, where we had the potty, Allison placed a small stool and a basket of books. She then attached a chart to the wall next to the potty. Every time Cassie said, “I have to go,” Allison would say, “Come on, let’s go!” She would then grab her sister’s hand, and the two of them would run into the bathroom together. And so the motivation began. Allison would sit with Cass, keeping her company and reading to her for as long as she liked. If Cassie just sat on the potty, Allison let her pick out a small sticker to place on the chart. If Cassie sat and did “a little something,” Allison let her choose a medium sticker for the chart. And for the “grand prize,” Cassie got a large sticker. Then the two of them would come and give us a recap, and we’d add to the hoopla and fanfare. Within less than a week, our four-year-old had successfully potty trained our two-year-old. Talk about being motivated!

Allison understood what motivated Cassie. Being with others or having group experiences motivated her, so running in and reading together worked. Cassie was motivated by the “reward” concept, hence the sticker system. And praise and recognition were in play by the special attention, encouragement, and recognition her sister gave her.

As Cassie developed, her love of being with others in various group experiences became even more essential. It was never about the stuff, but always about the people. Theatre and performing became her passion. It appeals to who she is on so many levels- the collaborative group experience, the recognition, and the applause.

Knowing what motivates us is crucial. Understanding what motivates and excites our children is vital in understanding who they are and helping them on their journey through life. So whether you’re in the potty training, college searching, or somewhere in-between stage, look for those motivation clues.

What motivates your kids? 

Why is it that we do anything? The answer to that varies as widely as we do. We are not made from the same mold and what motivates you to accomplish your goals is different from what motivates your friends, kids or co-workers. It’s important to know what works for you because we all need something to help us move from place “A” to “B.”

Admittedly, I am extremely goal oriented. I think in terms of projects, short and long term goals. Sometimes just having a daily list of items I’ve set out to accomplish and knowing that by the end of the day they will be crossed out by my red marker is enough to motivate me to complete them. There are other times when my motivation works better if instead of it being visual (as in lots of red marker lines) it is time based. I play a “beat the clock” game with myself to accomplish something before a certain time so that I can go out and play. Wasn’t this a tactic our mothers used on us when we were small? I guess it was ingrained in my way of thinking. This often works well for me because as much as I like to get things done, I love to play even more.

A few weekends ago, in the true spirit of summer, we planned a day trip for Saturday. We were leaving around noon. So I woke up early to have breakfast, shower and get some work done. The fact that we were leaving at a specific time enabled me to focus on what I needed to accomplish. The added bonus and motivating force was that after I worked, I’d get to play and spend time with my family.

And play we did! There’s nothing like taking a day trip. One of my friends, Stacy Maxwell, writes a wonderful blog called “Backyard Therapy” exclusively about the value of going on day trips. The concept is that by stepping out of our normal routines and taking a break just for one day, our sense of well-being is restored.

Our day trip to the east end of Long Island did just that. While our girls are no longer little kids, we went to visit the Children’s Museum of the East End. My husband built some exhibits for them several years ago and we went to visit them in place. While it was fun to see his work, it was just as much fun watching our girls “play” at the museum. Dressing up was always a huge part of their childhood and they haven’t outgrown that yet. Their playfulness spilled over to us as we also enjoyed putting on tutus, pirate gear and firefighters’ jackets. Silly is good!

The day wouldn’t have been complete without having lunch outdoors, walking through the town, checking out an antiques fair, eating ice cream, touring the neighborhoods and seeing the ocean. I was amazed about the positive, rejuvenating effect our excursion had. It was a wonderful day! The idea of the trip provided me with the motivation to get some work done in the morning. The trip itself gave me time to reconnect, play and relax with my family. I was motivated to work by the notion that fun was at the other side. It was a win win!