When you are stuck, how do you figure out the next step? I asked several of my wonderful colleagues (Geralin Thomas, Andrea Sharb, Tracey Foulkes, April Lane Benson, Sue West, Val Sgro, Yota Schneider) to think about this question and share their personal strategies with us. Their fabulous responses are filled with honesty, humor, and creativity. My gratitude goes to each of them for taking the time to reflect, and give us their insightful, encouraging words of wisdom. If you are feeling stuck, perhaps one of these ideas will work for you.

When you are stuck, how do you figure out the next step? . . .

1. Help Another

“When stuck I intentionally and purposefully find someone who needs help and then I help them. Helping someone who needs or wants assistance forces me to think about something other than whatever current challenge I'm dealing with. I've learned that being isolated rarely helps me figure out my next steps and while it's much easier to stay home alone, I've found that being helpful is the antidote to being stuck.”

Geralin Thomas, CPO-CD, Professional Organizer & Organizing Instructor

2. Coach Self

“When I’m stuck, I coach myself, like I’d coach a client. I get curious about my roadblock and what can get me going again. Questions like:  What is really getting in the way of me moving forward? What do I want from the project? What makes the project important to me?  What has worked for me in the past in similar situations? These questions will generally get me beyond stuck.

Andrea Sharb, CPO-CD, ACC, COC, CPO, Professional Organizer & Coach

3. Call Accountability Buddy

“I freak out, and then procrastinate. Get annoyed at myself for procrastinating and start asking why I'm freaking out. It's usually from overwhelm, taking on too much, or being shoved in a direction outside my comfort zone. I then call on an accountability buddy (I have a few), and unpack what I am thinking and feeling. Breathe, then break into my favourite mantra 'absolutely no excuses' - pick myself up and step forward. Success is in the doing, so I might as well just get it done."

Tracey Foulkes, Productivity Specialist 

4. Pause First

“When I'm stuck, the first thing I do is take a pause to clear my head. I might meditate and then go outside (no matter what the weather) and do some kind of physical exercise. Then I'm likely to start making notes or talk to a friend about my stuckness, try to pull it apart, and look closely at just one piece of it. Finally, I carefully set a realistic, measurable goal related to that one piece which continues to melt some of the glue!”

April Lane Benson, Ph.D., Psychologist & Author 

5. Activate Strengths

“I use several strategies, mostly taking advantage of my natural verbal processing. These also compensate for not being able to order steps as well in my head as outside my head. I use a written set of decision-making criteria to filter business ideas through. I talk through the problem aloud to myself, to a colleague or my business coach. I write about where I am stuck. I’ll map out the steps to a process so I can see a logical next step. I’ll research to access my intuition or sometimes to gain confidence. I’ll use strategies from a similar situation simply to gain momentum.” 

Sue West, CPO-CD, COC, CPO, Professional Organizer, Coach, & Author

6. Research, Sleep, or Chew

“It all depends what I'm stuck on. If it requires an answer I can research, I go to the Internet; if I need basic knowledge, I use the children's section of the public library. If it requires judgment, I seek the advice of trusted colleagues, and then I sleep on it. If I'm stuck writing a passage in one of my novels, I pace around, talk to myself, and literally chew on something; somehow the chewing motion unleashes the creative part of my brain.”

Val Sgro, Professional Organizer & Author

7. Be Patient and Open

“Life experience does come in handy. It helps me to remember that I’ve been there, done that before and I came out all right. This knowledge strengthens my resolve and confidence in the fact that, eventually, it will all work out! Invariably though, I have to surrender to the process and allow the answers to come to me, at their proper time! I have to be willing to stay open to the experience of being stuck! This is the greatest challenge . . . doing what’s in front of me while waiting for the fog to lift - when time and circumstance are ripe for me to act!” 

Yota Schneider, Life Transitions Coach

Which strategies resonate with you? While I appreciate and use many of these strategies, the one I focused on this past year was Yota’s. Today marks the one year anniversary of my Dad’s passing. I had to be patient and wait for the “fog to lift” before figuring out next. Sometimes we’re able to force ourselves forward and other times we need that waiting space as we travel through a transition. I’d love to hear from you. Come join the conversation and share your thoughts about being stuck, favorite strategies, or next steps.

Judith Kolberg, FileHeadsThe 2013 “Ask the Expert” interviews continue with a dynamic and inspiring group of people! Last month, organizer and coach, Sue West, talked with us about fresh starts. This month, I’m excited to have with us the extraordinary pioneer and innovator in chronic disorganization and the organizing industry, Judith Kolberg, to share her thoughts about change.

Judith and I met in 1995 at the National Association of Professional Organizers (NAPO) conference in Dallas. She was running a panel called “Is This Your Client?” It was the first time I heard anyone talk about chronic disorganization, and immediately identified that most of my clients had similar challenges. Since then Judith and I have engaged in many wonderful conversations about organizing, publishing, family, and even cowboy boots. I’ve always admired her intelligence, warmth, directness, and fabulous sense of humor. I am honored to know her as a friend, mentor, and colleague. My deepest gratitude and thanks goes to Judith for taking the time to join us. Before we begin, here’s more about her.

Judith Kolberg pioneered FileHeads Professional Organizers in 1989. She founded the National Study Group on Chronic Disorganization, the precursor to the Institute for Challenging Disorganization (ICD) and is credited with launching a field of professional organizing dedicated to helping individuals challenged by chronic disorganization. She is an industry-futurist, innovator, and recipient of the industry’s highest honors including the Judith Kolberg Award. Several of the books Judith authored, such as Conquering Chronic Disorganization, are required reading for industry certification programs. Her books have sold over a quarter of million copies. She is a popular speaker and a featured organizer on the “Buried Alive” hoarding series. A native of New York, Judith lives in Atlanta, GA where she takes care of her Mom, sees clients, writes, and publishes. You can connect with Judith on Facebook, organizing or publishing websites, and blog.

Linda Samuels:  You’re a pioneer in the professional organizing industry and an expert on helping others creatively navigate change. What motivates people to change?

Judith Kolberg:  Money, sex, getting someone off our back, desperation – lots of things. In the organizing context a person changes from not-so-organized to more organized usually because they see getting organized as a means to another end. Yes, there is its own reward, but usually they make the effort to change because it will result in a living environment they enjoy being in more and that they want other people to enjoy more. Really, it is that simple.

Linda:  Change can be scary and overwhelming. What strategies can we use to help move past our fears?

Judith:  My favorite is to draw on their experience. If they are an adult, somewhere in their lifetime they’ve made a big a change and survived it. Maybe they moved, ditched a spouse, left a job and started a new career. If people can remember that it was difficult but they made it, that’s helpful to them. If I can help them identify what strengths they used that can be re-used, that’s good too. Are they persistent? Maybe they’re strong decision-makers? Perhaps they are realists? Anything can be leveraged.

Linda:  How can we identify when it’s time for change? Are there change indicators?

Judith:  Change indicators, an interesting word. At the dawn of my 60^th birthday, I realize the life I am living is just not right. It does not suit who I am well enough. I know I could be happier. Lots of changes ahead. I’m not sure if there are indicators so much as there are gaps, inconsistencies, disconnects. For my clients, changing what they are doing organizationally often is associated with other changes or transitions. What’s new that has put the change on the agenda now? I often ask.

Linda:  Do you have a philosophy about change?

Judith:  If you toss a cat gently in the air it may twist and turn slightly but it will land on its feet. That’s the closest I can come.

Linda:  What has been your biggest personal challenge around change?

Judith:  My biggest personal challenge with change is that I tend to wait too long. We do what we need to do when we’re ready, and sometimes to make a change it’s the wrong time, but you do it with your knees knocking.

Thank you, Judith for your insights about change. There are several things you said that resonated with me. I love how you talked about leveraging strengths and prior experiences as a strategy to move past our fears. Then there’s the idea about “knees knocking.” While change can certainly be exciting and energy producing, it can also scare the pants right off of us. However, being able to push past that fear in pursuit of different, as our knees are shaking and heart is palpitating, is often how change and growth is experienced.

I invite all of you to join Judith and me as the conversation continues. We’d love to hear your thoughts about change or anything else you’d like to share. What are you thinking about?

Sue West

Last year the “Ask the Expert” feature was introduced on The Other Side of Organized blog! It quickly became a big success as we enjoyed inspiring conversations with industry leaders such as best-selling author Gretchen Rubin, time management guru Julie Morgenstern, and organizer and coach extraordinaire Denslow Brown. For 2013, the interview series continues with another dynamic group of experts. I’m thrilled to begin this year with author, coach and organizer, Sue West to share her wisdom about fresh starts.

Sue and I met several years ago through our professional organizing association, ICD. We’ve had many wonderful conversations about organizing, coaching, writing, life balance, and transitions. I am honored to know her as a friend and colleague. My gratitude and thanks goes to Sue for taking the time to join us. Before we begin, here’s more about her.

Sue West, CPO-CD, CPO, COC is a professional organizer, coach, and the author of Organize for A Fresh Start: Embrace Your Next Chapter in Life. She specializes in helping clients with life changes and transitions. Her clients have called her insightful, wise, inspiring, filled with hope, and gentle yet productive. Working primarily with people at mid-life or beyond, Sue works by phone or in person and holds workshops. You can connect with Sue on Facebook, Twitter, Linkedin, Pinterest, website and blog.

Linda:  You’re an expert on helping others navigate life transitions. What is your favorite tip for negotiating uncharted territory?

Sue:  I've always loved Oprah's column, "What I know for sure."  If you think about a big life change you've gone through, remember that feeling of being off-kilter?  We often focus on what we don't know, what's sad or uncomfortable, or seemingly impossible. So I always ask my clients, "What DO you know?" Focus on what's to be appreciated, what's working, what you know for sure (or almost sure, if you're feeling like a perfectionist). Once we start feeling stronger, we can move on.

Linda:  Fresh starts can be enervating or draining. What are a few strategies to help minimize overwhelm?

Sue:  Think "chapters" of time. Say you're starting a new business. This change affects your finances, sleep, exercise, nutrition, time for other interests, and many aspects of your life. Overwhelm can set in. Brainstorm with yourself or a coach, and get it all out of your head. On a second pass, break up your list by chapters in time and tackle one round of changes at a time.  A chapter could be when you start up, but still have a full-time job. A next chapter is when you decrease your full time hours, and so on.

Ask, “What's giving and what's taking my energy?” Hit the "pause" button for a few minutes daily and ask yourself those two questions. You'll gain perspective and able to change things for the better. 

Clear some physical space such as a desk, a shelf, or your home. Clearing the visual horizon clears your mind, is cathartic and energizing. People gain clarity and even control as they go through their things.  

More now than ever, use your preferred method of organizing your life.There's normally some mental or emotional fog, whether it's a positive or difficult life change. To mitigate its impact, take extra care to keep up your to do list and calendar. It is empowering in a time of change.

Linda:  A clean slate is an opportunity. How can we prepare physically or emotionally to experience positive results?

Sue:  When you've felt this way before, what strategies did you use? What strengthens and supports you?Similar strategies are likely to work now.  One of my clients had been using a lot of her time caring for her mother – visiting, errands, paperwork, finances, medical appointments, etc. When her mother died, my client was at a loss as to what to do with her newly found time… but lack of purpose.

My client worked with both a therapist and me to move forward, letting go of some of her past. She returned to what she had done before during difficult times, writing memories and stories about her mother. To her, it was useful to process her emotions, but also this reminded her to share stories with family, to honor her mother. By letting go, my client was less pulled by the past, and more open to what lay ahead. 

We incorporated her parents' things into her home, without overwhelming her space with too much of the past. Keep items that signify your strengths, your values and key memories.

Then we worked together on ways to fill her time with new purpose. She returned to hobbies and volunteer interests she had given up a long time ago - a wonderful and comfortable place for a new start.

Linda:  Do you have a philosophy about new beginnings?

Sue:  Our lives are a series of chapters. As you move to the next chapter, bring some of the past forward; don't ignore it because you feel the need to "start over." Build on what you know such as your strengths, your interests, values and your tried and true ways to bolster yourself. My parents taught me to look for the best in each person and for what I could learn. The same is true here, for our own selves!

Linda:  What has been your biggest personal challenge around second chances?

Sue:  I was raised to be self-motivated. I went through a set of big life changes about 10 years ago, and had a fresh start right in front of me. And yet, my closest friends believed in me more than I did.  Thank goodness for my temporary life preservers!  Reliance on other people didn't mean I'd become dependent on them or lose myself again. We need life preservers sometimes; it's a sign of strength and wisdom to invite in assistance.

Linda:  Is there anything you’d like to share about fresh starts that I haven’t asked?

Sue:  If something seems impossible, ask, “What is one small part of this that could be possible?”  If you're intent on a particular outcome, you'll miss the thing you needed to see along the way.

Thank you, Sue for your insights about transitions and fresh starts. There are so many nuggets of wisdom here, along with messages of hope. The idea of respecting and recognizing what you DO know as a focus for embracing the next chapter, resonates with me. I also responded to your idea of using our “temporary life preservers,” particularly when we’re going through major life changes. Your perspective that reaching out for help is a show of strength and wisdom, is refreshingly positive.

I invite all of you to join Sue and me as the conversation continues. We’d love to hear your thoughts about transitions, chapters, fresh starts, or anything else you’d like to share. Which ideas are you thinking about?

Denslow Brown

Denslow Brown, Organizer & CoachInspiring conversations continue with the “Ask the Expert” feature on The Other Side of Organized blog. We’ve spoken about possibilities with DeeAnne White, success with Lori Deschene, enlisting help with Janet Barclay, motivation with Dr. Shannon Reece, time management with Julie Morgenstern, clutter with Lorie Marrero, letting go with Geralin Thomas, next steps with Yota Schneider, and change with John Ryan. As we shift our focus this month, I’m thrilled to bring you the fabulous coach, organizer, speaker, and trainer, Denslow Brown to share her wisdom about creating a life that fits.

Denslow and I met almost 20 years ago through our professional organizing associations, NAPO and ICD. She is an industry leader and teacher who I greatly admire for her wisdom, unique perspectives, and ability to clearly communicate. I am honored to have her as my mentor and friend. My deepest thanks and gratitude goes to her for taking the time to join us. Before we begin, here’s more about Denslow.

Denslow Brown, CPO, CPO-CD, SCAC, MCC is the only person in the organizing and coaching professions with the highest credentials in both fields, attesting to her decades of experience, training, leadership, and pioneering efforts in these areas. She has also developed a specialty working with individuals with ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder, also known as AD/HD, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.) In addition to working with those who want organizing and life-design support, she mentors and trains many organizing and coaching professionals. She has been an organizer since 1974. Denslow is the founder and Director of Training of the Coach Approach for OrganizersTM. You can connect with Denslow on Facebook, Linkedin, or training and coaching websites.

Linda:  You’re an expert on helping others create a life that fits. What are some of the essential ingredients to incorporate into the mix?

Denslow:  Self-knowledge is the key to creating a life that fits.  You can’t know what your own incredible life could look like if you don’t know your strengths, values, needs, roles, passions, goals and preferences – as well as specific challenges (health issues, modality sensitivities, etc.)

Linda:  It’s likely that we’ll make mistakes as we design a life that fits. What is the value in those challenges?

Denslow:  Mistakes will be made on our way to a life that fits – it’s inevitable.  It helps, of course, to use those mistakes as learning opportunities.  Say, for example, you make a choice to enter a profession or take a certain job only to discover that it’s a terrible fit.  Think back to your initial thinking and assumptions.  What do you understand now that you didn’t before?  Was the choice of what kind of work to go into wrong or was the specific situation you found yourself in wrong in its own unique ways? In retrospect, could you have defined or shaped your company, job or industry differently (to suit you)?  Were you somehow naïve in your assumptions going in?  What have you learned about yourself?  Our mistakes offer us rich data for the all-important self-knowledge picture if we’re willing to deconstruct them.

Linda:  What becomes possible when we focus on our strengths, needs and values?

Denslow:  Focusing on strengths allows you to contribute the best of yourself.  You simply feel better about who you are in the world when you operate out of your strengths.  You’re more likely to feel that your day went well.  You also are in a better position to be appreciated and compensated when you offer your strengths (your best) to a workplace, group or family (generally speaking).

Focusing on and meeting your needs (what you need in terms of basic survival and well-being) offers the emotional freedom that comes from a sense of security.  Ignoring your own needs is draining and upsetting which undermines health and healthy relationships. 

Focusing on your values (what you need to feel fulfilled) enriches life and gives it meaning.  When we live our values we feel we are who we were meant to be.  The person who values family spends time with family.  The person who values beauty makes art, works in the garden or decorates her home.

Linda:  Sometimes we lack clarity.  How do we identify what is most important?

Denslow:  Making time to develop broad self-knowledge is important.  Any really wonderful or challenging experience is worth reflection.  Talk it over with a friend, write or mind-map about it, or mull it over when walking or driving (safely, please). What does that experience tell you about who you are, what your strengths are and what you value and/or need?

Linda:  What has been your biggest personal challenge around creating a life that brought out the best of who you are?

Denslow:  My biggest challenge was learning to accommodate my late-diagnosed inattentive ADD which came to the forefront when I was in my late 30’s when I entered that long pre-menopausal period when hormone (specifically estrogen) support is less consistent for women.  Until then, my intelligence, cheerful nature, organizing skills and willingness to make some unconventional choices meant that my ADD symptoms weren’t as problematic or noticeable as they could have been.  For example, I was self-employed and a renter – and I’d chosen not to have children -- so my life seemed pretty manageable. 

But with a new home (which I designed and helped build over 6 years) and the lack of consistent hormone support, my ADD symptoms became really problematic.  I needed to identify my real priorities (values, needs), take better care of myself (sleep, yoga, scheduling), and then identify and hold my boundaries. 

These were big shifts and they happened over time.  To create my life that fits I needed to learn about ADD.  The support of an ADD coach was really important in helping me understand how ADD shows up in my life specifically.  There was a lot of humorous but negative self-talk which I had been pretty unaware of.  I learned to replace it with more positive and accurate statements.  I had no idea how those muttered comments could undermine my days. I also needed to learn to leverage my strengths more.  Like many others, I didn’t see all of my strengths, as they seemed natural to me.  That leveraging of strengths was huge.

Ten years later I again worked with a coach to redesign my organizing and coaching business.  This time we really looked at the whole picture: strengths, values, needs, roles, passions, goals and preferences, as well as limits and boundaries.  Through a process of elimination and experimentation I determined that teaching coaching skills to organizers was the next stage of life work for me.  I love to teach and I love organizers and the work they do in the world.  I passionately believe training in coaching and ADD are critical to the organizing industry, which I’ve long been devoted to.  I’m still self-employed so I have a lot of say about my “working conditions.” I have considerable administrative assistance.  I work with training partners, which helps my focus and provides back up.  All these choices are ADD supportive.  And because I train by phone I can live in the beautiful countryside with lots of land, privacy, animals and community. 

Recently my life partner had a terrible illness.  I wondered, as her unconscious body worked through the decision to live or die, whether we or I would want to stay in our home and life – and if I would want to continue my work.  Now that we are a year into her recovery, I am excited to realize that the life we’d created for ourselves and the work life I’d created for myself, still excited us.  The only change was a much deeper gratitude for a life that fits!

Thank you, Denslow for sharing both your life philosophy and personal journey with us. Your ideas and life are a testament to the fact that by searching for self-knowledge, enlisting the right kind of support, focusing on one’s strengths, passions, values, and needs, you truly can flourish and design a life that fits. I invite all of you to join Denslow and me as we continue the conversation. Which ideas resonate with you?