Denslow Brown, Organizer & CoachInspiring conversations continue with the “Ask the Expert” feature on The Other Side of Organized blog. We’ve spoken about possibilities with DeeAnne White, success with Lori Deschene, enlisting help with Janet Barclay, motivation with Dr. Shannon Reece, time management with Julie Morgenstern, clutter with Lorie Marrero, letting go with Geralin Thomas, next steps with Yota Schneider, and change with John Ryan. As we shift our focus this month, I’m thrilled to bring you the fabulous coach, organizer, speaker, and trainer, Denslow Brown to share her wisdom about creating a life that fits.
Denslow and I met almost 20 years ago through our professional organizing associations, NAPO and ICD. She is an industry leader and teacher who I greatly admire for her wisdom, unique perspectives, and ability to clearly communicate. I am honored to have her as my mentor and friend. My deepest thanks and gratitude goes to her for taking the time to join us. Before we begin, here’s more about Denslow.
Denslow Brown, CPO, CPO-CD, SCAC, MCC is the only person in the organizing and coaching professions with the highest credentials in both fields, attesting to her decades of experience, training, leadership, and pioneering efforts in these areas. She has also developed a specialty working with individuals with ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder, also known as AD/HD, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.) In addition to working with those who want organizing and life-design support, she mentors and trains many organizing and coaching professionals. She has been an organizer since 1974. Denslow is the founder and Director of Training of the Coach Approach for OrganizersTM. You can connect with Denslow on Facebook, Linkedin, or training and coaching websites.
Linda: You’re an expert on helping others create a life that fits. What are some of the essential ingredients to incorporate into the mix?
Denslow: Self-knowledge is the key to creating a life that fits. You can’t know what your own incredible life could look like if you don’t know your strengths, values, needs, roles, passions, goals and preferences – as well as specific challenges (health issues, modality sensitivities, etc.)
Linda: It’s likely that we’ll make mistakes as we design a life that fits. What is the value in those challenges?
Denslow: Mistakes will be made on our way to a life that fits – it’s inevitable. It helps, of course, to use those mistakes as learning opportunities. Say, for example, you make a choice to enter a profession or take a certain job only to discover that it’s a terrible fit. Think back to your initial thinking and assumptions. What do you understand now that you didn’t before? Was the choice of what kind of work to go into wrong or was the specific situation you found yourself in wrong in its own unique ways? In retrospect, could you have defined or shaped your company, job or industry differently (to suit you)? Were you somehow naïve in your assumptions going in? What have you learned about yourself? Our mistakes offer us rich data for the all-important self-knowledge picture if we’re willing to deconstruct them.
Linda: What becomes possible when we focus on our strengths, needs and values?
Denslow: Focusing on strengths allows you to contribute the best of yourself. You simply feel better about who you are in the world when you operate out of your strengths. You’re more likely to feel that your day went well. You also are in a better position to be appreciated and compensated when you offer your strengths (your best) to a workplace, group or family (generally speaking).
Focusing on and meeting your needs (what you need in terms of basic survival and well-being) offers the emotional freedom that comes from a sense of security. Ignoring your own needs is draining and upsetting which undermines health and healthy relationships.
Focusing on your values (what you need to feel fulfilled) enriches life and gives it meaning. When we live our values we feel we are who we were meant to be. The person who values family spends time with family. The person who values beauty makes art, works in the garden or decorates her home.
Linda: Sometimes we lack clarity. How do we identify what is most important?
Denslow: Making time to develop broad self-knowledge is important. Any really wonderful or challenging experience is worth reflection. Talk it over with a friend, write or mind-map about it, or mull it over when walking or driving (safely, please). What does that experience tell you about who you are, what your strengths are and what you value and/or need?
Linda: What has been your biggest personal challenge around creating a life that brought out the best of who you are?
Denslow: My biggest challenge was learning to accommodate my late-diagnosed inattentive ADD which came to the forefront when I was in my late 30’s when I entered that long pre-menopausal period when hormone (specifically estrogen) support is less consistent for women. Until then, my intelligence, cheerful nature, organizing skills and willingness to make some unconventional choices meant that my ADD symptoms weren’t as problematic or noticeable as they could have been. For example, I was self-employed and a renter – and I’d chosen not to have children -- so my life seemed pretty manageable.
But with a new home (which I designed and helped build over 6 years) and the lack of consistent hormone support, my ADD symptoms became really problematic. I needed to identify my real priorities (values, needs), take better care of myself (sleep, yoga, scheduling), and then identify and hold my boundaries.
These were big shifts and they happened over time. To create my life that fits I needed to learn about ADD. The support of an ADD coach was really important in helping me understand how ADD shows up in my life specifically. There was a lot of humorous but negative self-talk which I had been pretty unaware of. I learned to replace it with more positive and accurate statements. I had no idea how those muttered comments could undermine my days. I also needed to learn to leverage my strengths more. Like many others, I didn’t see all of my strengths, as they seemed natural to me. That leveraging of strengths was huge.
Ten years later I again worked with a coach to redesign my organizing and coaching business. This time we really looked at the whole picture: strengths, values, needs, roles, passions, goals and preferences, as well as limits and boundaries. Through a process of elimination and experimentation I determined that teaching coaching skills to organizers was the next stage of life work for me. I love to teach and I love organizers and the work they do in the world. I passionately believe training in coaching and ADD are critical to the organizing industry, which I’ve long been devoted to. I’m still self-employed so I have a lot of say about my “working conditions.” I have considerable administrative assistance. I work with training partners, which helps my focus and provides back up. All these choices are ADD supportive. And because I train by phone I can live in the beautiful countryside with lots of land, privacy, animals and community.
Recently my life partner had a terrible illness. I wondered, as her unconscious body worked through the decision to live or die, whether we or I would want to stay in our home and life – and if I would want to continue my work. Now that we are a year into her recovery, I am excited to realize that the life we’d created for ourselves and the work life I’d created for myself, still excited us. The only change was a much deeper gratitude for a life that fits!
Thank you, Denslow for sharing both your life philosophy and personal journey with us. Your ideas and life are a testament to the fact that by searching for self-knowledge, enlisting the right kind of support, focusing on one’s strengths, passions, values, and needs, you truly can flourish and design a life that fits. I invite all of you to join Denslow and me as we continue the conversation. Which ideas resonate with you?
What is the relationship between balance and passion? The answer will vary for each person. While there are many things that delight my eyes, soul, and body, my philosophy is to find a balance somewhere between complete immersion and moderation.
