Carl and Wilma Machover

Small and large changes happen internally and externally all the time. Sometimes we are oblivious and other times we’re acutely aware of the shifts. Sometimes we appreciate and embrace change, while other times we resent or fear it.

As I’m in an “acutely aware” period, I’m feeling particularly grateful for a slight break tonight from a tumultuous period of change. Both of my parents have been experiencing health and life challenges that deeply affect me. I have been living these changes and varied emergencies with them for months, navigating uncharted territory, and simultaneously trying to find balance and normalcy.

I sit here this evening with my hot cup of tea and feet resting comfortably on my purple velvet footstool, finding joy in writing and sipping. This familiar activity that I love grounds me. It’s a respite from the swirl of change and concern that has actively pursued me these many days.

This intensity of change has reaffirmed my belief in the importance of self-care. Getting enough sleep, staying hydrated, eating regularly and making time for fun, friends, family and self are essential.

When any of us have challenges be it health, financial, relationships or careers, it’s so easy to only focus on that. But none of us are just our challenges. We have many strengths and passions. Drawing on these, especially when life is throwing the curve balls, can make all the difference for navigating change.

What changes are you noticing? Which strengths are available to you?

Life’s emergencies can cut through the mind clutter and help you refocus on what is important. This spring has been particularly full with long, overflowing lists of things to do, events to attend or plan, projects to wrap up, people to care for, new ventures to start and transitions to be made. These extras were mixed with the normal everyday things like doing laundry, paying bills, working and sleeping. Let’s face it. There are only so many hours in the day. There are days when you just crave more hours.

For me, when I am overloaded in this way, it’s not so much my physical environment that gets cluttered, but it’s my mind that gets full and jumbled. In the same way that your overflowing closet or desk piled with papers might cause stress, lately for me it’s the “to do” clutter in my head that has been challenging. I’ve tried a variety of techniques to declutter my mind. They’ve included making mini lists with easy items such as “get dressed” and “go to bank.”  I’ve used my family and friends as sounding boards to sort the thoughts out loud. I’ve delegated certain things to others, when possible. Yet, even with doing these things, my mind stayed cluttered. It feels like no matter how much I do, it will never be enough. The word overwhelmed describes this well.

And then life threw me a curve ball. My dad ended up in the hospital. Everything just stopped. All of a sudden, those million items took a back seat to being there for my mom and dad. It’s not that the “list” disappeared, but it helped me to prioritize what was most important. My family comes first. I’ve always known this, but the emergency helped to quiet all those other things that have been vying for my attention.

After an intense 24 hours, I went back home to see my husband and daughters. We packed-up some sandwiches and ate by the river. We then walked along the beautiful path, enjoying the sun, the scenery and each other’s company. This was followed by a trip to our local ice cream shop, The Blue Pig. I felt completely renewed and recharged by being outside and with my family.

Eventually, I got ready for bed and picked up a book I recently purchased, Anna Quindlen’s Being Perfect, which had been on my “Books to Read List” for quite a while. It’s a small, intimate book. While I was too tired to read all of it last night, I read enough to know that it was probably the best book I could have picked up at that moment. The words jumped off the page in the loudest, clearest way saying, “Give up being perfect! Be kinder to yourself and just let yourself be.” In my book, The Other Side of Organized, the subtitle is Finding Balance Between Chaos and Perfection. And so it goes. We only hear the message when we’re ready to hear it.

At one point in the emergency room, my dad apologized to me for “screwing up my day.” I let him know that while I wished he wasn’t in the hospital, his emergency had sorted out my day. Then I thanked him for helping me to clear all that clutter in my head. There’s nothing like being in the emergency room to refocus you on what is most important- being there for the people you love, the blessings in your life and letting go of perfection. Being human is good enough.