I’ve always been a working mother. That helped me learn how to juggle many hats, be more flexible and find joy in the moments. Especially when our daughters were young, life was particularly hectic. Now that they’re both in college, the daily schedule isn’t as filled with their schedules, but juggling, flexibility and joyful moments are still very much part of my life.

Recently, our girls came home for their winter breaks. I worked some, but also took off time to spend with them. For those of you that have college-aged kids, you know that their hours are quite different from most parents. They stay up very late and sleep even later. There are frequent comings and goings between visiting friends, running errands and taking day trips. With our different schedules, it was important to grab time with them when I could, even if it was brief.

When I think back to the girls’ winter break, it was full with wonderful memories of both short and extended exchanges. Time together sometimes included a car ride and conversation on the way to an errand. Sometimes the moments were longer when we had leisurely meals together. This beautiful collage included walks in the snow covered woods, sipping tea and coffee at assorted cafes, snuggling and watching movies, grocery shopping, cooking, listening and dancing to music, visiting family, having friends over, laughing, donating blood, going to our favorite cupcake shop, getting lots of extra hugs and seeing our girls enjoying each others’ company.

Our lives are made up of moments. Joy is present if you allow yourself to feel it. What moments have you recently enjoyed with your kids? I’d love to hear one or two of your favorite memories.

What is it about our kids and fun? They know how to have it free and clear of guilt. They don’t ponder when or how but jump in 100%. As parents, it can be all too easy to disengage while they are content on their own. Some alone time is important, but there are plenty of opportunities to join them. For me, one of the true joys of parenting has been playing with them and catching (in a good way) their exuberance.

Especially as a working mom, the conflict of finding that comfortable balance between family and work has been an ongoing pursuit. When you’re in the middle of writing a report or drafting an email and your child asks, “Do you want to play a game, Mom?” a first response can often be, “Not now.” Then time moves on, and that opportunity for fun disappears. Not that it was always possible, but when asked, I tried to respond with, “I’d LOVE to play with you.” I knew how precious our time together was, and I didn’t want to miss chances to be silly and bond with our daughters.

Our girls never had difficulty figuring out something fun to do. As kids, they were the fun-makers and still are now that they’re teenagers. There were lots of dress-up. I can remember the hours they spent trying on costumes, making up dances, plays, and then inviting us for a show. I remember my mouth aching from smiling so much, just watching them. Often the dance performances would end up in audience participation with all of us dancing around our living room together. Being open to their playing brought out the silliness in us.

“Work will always exist, but experiencing the joy of playing with your children will not.” ”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO

Sometimes fun came in a quiet form like when we read and snuggled together. Sometimes it was fun to take a walk, sing, or talk along the way. Water always provided a great source of entertainment between bathtubs, pools, rivers, and oceans. And sometimes fun was for just a few moments in the form of uncontrollable laughter.

Our girls grew up with two entrepreneurial parents that worked from home. Translated, that meant it was possible to be working 24/7. But both my husband and I made it a priority not to postpone fun. We knew that in the big scheme between the dancing, the baking, the laughing, and the swimming, these moments with our girls were fleeting. Work would always exist, but experiencing the joy of playing with your children would not.

If you really want to surprise your kids, ask them if they’d like to play a game or do something fun with you. Hopefully, they’ll say, “I’d LOVE to!”

What fun have you said “yes” to lately?

Raising two girls has not only been one of the most tremendous joys of my life, but it has also been a wonderful education. It was fascinating to learn what motivated them to explore and accomplish. As parents, it’s challenging to identify what motivates us, let alone figuring out what motivates our children. Both pursuits are worthwhile. Why is it that we do anything? The answer varies as widely as we do. We are not made from the same mold and what motivates you to accomplish your goals is different from what motivates your kids.

For our older daughter, Allison, it was apparent that she was motivated by her own agenda from a very early age. She was born determined, faced all challenges head-on, and never looked at “no” as an obstacle. To her, the word “no” was simply an opportunity to arrive at a “yes.” She tried walking at nine months, kept falling, getting up, and trying until she got it. Praise was not important to her. She had her own internal bar that she set from which she motivated herself. She had her own set of rules, way of working, and pacing. We encouraged and cheered her on but pretty much just stepped back as she explored. Music was important to her. While she had many opportunities to perform, she never really liked playing for others. One of her greatest pleasures was and still is just playing for herself for the sheer joy of it.

For Cassie, two years younger, she was motivated by external rewards, expectations, group experiences, and recognition. One of my clearest memories of this was around potty training. When it came time to potty train Cassie at age two, Allison decided to help. She created a potty training system. In our bathroom, where we had the potty, Allison placed a small stool and a basket of books. She then attached a chart to the wall next to the potty. Every time Cassie said, “I have to go,” Allison would say, “Come on, let’s go!” She would then grab her sister’s hand, and the two of them would run into the bathroom together. And so the motivation began. Allison would sit with Cass, keeping her company and reading to her for as long as she liked. If Cassie just sat on the potty, Allison let her pick out a small sticker to place on the chart. If Cassie sat and did “a little something,” Allison let her choose a medium sticker for the chart. And for the “grand prize,” Cassie got a large sticker. Then the two of them would come and give us a recap, and we’d add to the hoopla and fanfare. Within less than a week, our four-year-old had successfully potty trained our two-year-old. Talk about being motivated!

Allison understood what motivated Cassie. Being with others or having group experiences motivated her, so running in and reading together worked. Cassie was motivated by the “reward” concept, hence the sticker system. And praise and recognition were in play by the special attention, encouragement, and recognition her sister gave her.

As Cassie developed, her love of being with others in various group experiences became even more essential. It was never about the stuff, but always about the people. Theatre and performing became her passion. It appeals to who she is on so many levels- the collaborative group experience, the recognition, and the applause.

Knowing what motivates us is crucial. Understanding what motivates and excites our children is vital in understanding who they are and helping them on their journey through life. So whether you’re in the potty training, college searching, or somewhere in-between stage, look for those motivation clues.

What motivates your kids? 

What is it about us moms and our super-long, seemingly impossible “to-do” lists? Is it because we’re moms – and we want to have it all and can’t say no - that our lists are long and overflowing? Does the endlessness of your “to do” lists cause you to procrastinate or freeze into inactivity? Or do you accept the ongoing challenge of crossing items off as quickly as you’re adding new ones on? However you approach your lists, I’m guessing that at some point, you have experienced some stress and get overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of what you want and need to accomplish every day.

As a mom of two young ladies, soon to be 18 and 20 years old, I am acutely aware of how these lists’ entries have changed over time. When the girls were babies, the “to do” items were things like “buy diapers, make appointment with pediatrician, research Mommy & Me classes, and prep clothes for work.” As they became toddlers, the “to-dos” included “buy pull-ups, arrange playdates, research pre-schools, and prep clothes for work.” When they entered elementary school, the lists had “buy Princess underpants, prepare lunch boxes, fill out school forms, and prep clothes for work. “

Interestingly, as my girls grew, they followed by example and began making their own lists. Is there a gene for list-making? Some of the items that I had always taken care of, they started doing instead.  As they learned to take responsibility for more things, I simultaneously learned how to delegate. I could comfortably ask them, “Please add this to your list.”

It’s fascinating how my daughters developed their own list-making styles. Cassie, our youngest, is a fan of using lined post-it pads with bulleted items listed sequentially. Allison likes to make her lists in small journals using different pages for specific categories. Her titles vary from “Places I’d Like to Visit,”  “Books I Want to Read,” “Ideas That are Interesting,” or “Things To Do Today.”

For me, I use a variety of list-making tricks. I use sticky notes for the quick, singular thought reminders. I keep a Master list of long-term “get to them one-day” items. I use a daily reminder in my electronic calendar for things that need to be accomplished on a specific day. I use index cards with bulleted lists for weekly reminders. Then there’s the satisfying part of picking up my red marker to cross the items off as they are completed.

These days my “to do” lists have fewer kid-related items on them. There are no more diapers to buy. No more lunchboxes to pack. Instead, those items are replaced with things like “write new mom blog, prepare for the radio interview, and prep coaching sessions.”  Even though my girls are very independent, I still have a few remaining things to handle for them. They are: “review college forms, pick-up prom shoes, and order mini cupcakes for graduation.”

Whether you are a working mom at the “buy diapers” stage or at the “buy extra-long sheets for dorm” stage, just know we’ll always have items popping on and off our lists. Those items tell a story of both our children’s growth and ours. So, the next time you feel overwhelmed with all the things you have on your list, stop, and appreciate having them to do. Before you know it, your children will be grown and off making their own lists.

What types of lists do you make? What works well for you? Share your tips.