Is it possible to find balance during the holiday season? This can be a stress-filled time between the parties, shopping, wrapping, and comings and goings of our loved ones. There’s an atmosphere of flux and movement. While perfect balance is an unrealistic goal, there are ways to navigate this time to encourage less stress and more joy.

1. Adjust – We often expect things to happen in a certain way...”our” way. Those expectations can extend to how we’d like others to behave and act. While it’s reasonable to have certain expectations (like you invite people to a party and if they say they’re coming, they’ll be there,) it’s unrealistic to expect that people won’t cancel at the last minute or ask to bring an extra guest. Life happens and things don’t always go according to our plan. Being flexible is a useful strategy. It will help reduce the holiday season stress.

2. Marvel – There are moments of joy to notice and embrace wherever we turn. From watching your children enjoy one another’s company, to seeing your holiday table filled with your family and friends, to smelling the sweet scents of burning candles, to tasting that first morsel of homemade apple pie, to laughing until the tears roll down your cheeks, the season offers many opportunities for joy-filled moments. Engage your senses and your heart. Focus on what you see, feel, hear, smell, and taste. Appreciate the joy.

3. Let Go – Especially with guests around, we want everyone to be happy, get along, and feel “festive.” Or, is that just me? Big surprise. We’re responsible for own behavior and moods, but we have no control over others. This time of year can include big transitions that are accompanied by questions and uncertainties. Our youngest daughter will graduate college soon, and our oldest daughter is making plans for the next part of her journey. While they know what they’re doing today, fast forward a few months and life will be different. We can give our emotional support, but we can’t live their lives for them. Focus on how you can help (if help is even wanted.) Then step back and let go. This will result in less stress for you and them.

4. Organize – We each have different ideas about what it means to be or feel organized. There is no one way of being, doing, or structuring our lives. However, figuring out what makes sense for you can greatly enhance how balanced you feel, especially during the holidays. For me, having easily updateable “party” lists, knowing where my entertaining supplies are stored, and making time to plan party details with my husband, help me to feel organized. Invest the energy and time in discovering the organizing strategies that will work for you. If you’d like help strategizing and implementing organizing solutions, call or email me anytime.

5. Select – We love to say, “yes,” don’t’ we? However, especially during this season (well, any season, really,) remembering the other option, “no” is just as important. There will be many invitations for fabulous events and parties. The options for fun are abundant. However, being selective about what you choose to do, will allow you to enjoy even more the events you do attend. It’s about finding your balance between “yes” and “no.” Look at your calendar. Consider your energy. Then decide.

6. Create – Getting your hands, mind, and body fully engaged in creative pursuits is a wonderful way to restore balance and reduce stress. During this season, there are many opportunities to engage in these types of activities, but you might not think about them in that way. A slight perspective shift can turn the most innocent of pursuits into creative adventures. Some of my recent creative play included making a new soup recipe, decorating the Thanksgiving table, writing in my journal, arranging flowers, taking photos, and playing Charades. There’s nothing quite like activating our creativity (in whatever form it takes) to energize us.

The holiday season is here. Do any of these strategies resonate with you? Do you have others to share? Come join the conversation.

Howard Gardner

Howard Gardner "Ask the Expert" interview about being Wonderfully Human the “Ask the Expert” feature is an interview series that connects you with industry thought leaders and gives you the opportunity to participate in inspiring conversations. This year we’ve spoken with Jane Pollak about possibility thinking, Dorothy Breininger about success, Dr. April Lane Benson about enlisting help, Leslie Josel about motivation, David Allen about time management, Peter Walsh about clutter, Sheila Delson about letting go, Laura Berman Fortgang about next steps, Judith Kolberg about change, and Sue West about fresh starts. This month I’m excited to have with us cognition, learning, and ethics expert, Howard Gardner, to share his insights and experience about multiple intelligences and learning.

Long before I met Howard, I became familiar with his theory of multiple intelligences through our youngest daughter’s third grade teacher. She designed her classroom based on his theories to help each child honor and explore their strengths. Several years later I had the pleasure of meeting and hearing Howard speak at a local music school. My deepest gratitude goes to Howard for graciously saying, “yes” to this interview and for taking the time to join us. Before we begin, here’s more about him.

Howard Gardner is a psychologist and writer who has been at Harvard for over fifty years. He is the Hobbs Professor of Cognition and Education at the Harvard Graduate School of Education. He is the author of twenty-nine books including The App Generation: How Today’s Youth Navigate, Identify, Intimacy, and Imagination in a Digital World, Frames of Mind: The Theory of Multiple Intelligences, and Leading Minds: An Anatomy of Leadershipand several hundred articles. Best known for his work on intelligence, creativity, and leadership, he has been studying the nature of good work, good citizenship, good digital play, and associated ‘goods’ and trying to enhance their incidence in today’s world. You can connect with Howard through Howard Gardner or The Good Project websites.

Linda Samuels:  You are internationally known for developing the theory of multiple intelligences. What becomes possible when we understand that we process and learn in diverse ways?

Howard Gardner:  There is greater understanding of other persons. Why, for example, they can approach a task in a way that is totally different than ours, and yet be equally, perhaps more successful.

At work and play, instead of looking for persons like us, we instead search for individuals with strengths and weaknesses that complement our own.

Linda:  You once said that, “…when we study plants or atoms, they are not affected by what we learn.  But when we study human beings, our findings can affect the future behavior of humans.” What has been your most surprising discovery?

Howard: My most surprising scientific discovery:  While the left hemisphere of the brain processes ordinary language, it is the right hemisphere that understands metaphor, irony, intention, and other speech acts.

Most surprising general discovery:  Rather than being primarily cognitive, creative achievements emanate from a certain kind of personality and temperament living in a certain cultural context.

Linda:  In your book, Intelligence Reframed, you wrote that we each have a “unique blend of intelligences.” How can we best embrace our uniqueness?

Howard:  Not to worry about what we can’t do, nor to worry about whether we are like others. Instead, pursue what you love, what you can get better at, share it with others, and they will reciprocate.

Linda:  Many professional organizers use their understanding about learning styles and differences to more effectively help their clients. How does your theory of multiple intelligences relate to learning styles?

Howard:  Individuals continually conflate MI and learning styles and yet they are ENTIRELY different concepts. Learning styles refers to how people putatively approach a range of tasks; for example, person A has a playful style, while B has an obsessive one. Intelligences refer to the strengths of our several mental computers. I may compute language more effectively than I compute spatial relations, and yet I have every right to decide to become an architect rather than a poet.

Linda:  How have your theories changed the way you personally interact with other people?

Howard:  When assembling a team, I look for individuals whose abilities complement one another and think about how to get them to work synergistically.

Linda:  Is there anything else you’d like to share that I haven’t asked?

Howard:  What questions do you think cannot or should not be answered in 500 words or less?!

I love your sense of humor, Howard. Yes, I realize that it’s not a simple matter to craft the responses to all these questions using 500 words or less. I greatly appreciated your ability to do so. I apologize if this limited what you wanted to share. If you would like, feel free to add additional thoughts to the conversation (without any word limitations.)

Thank you for sharing your wisdom about learning, intelligence, and being human. The thread throughout your responses of appreciating our differences and embracing our uniqueness resonated with me. We aren’t the same. Why should we be? It’s in the sharing of these differences that makes life interesting.

I invite you to join Howard and me as we continue the conversation. Come share your thoughts about being wonderfully human. Which ideas speak to you?

Erratic temperatures and a changing landscape accompany the fall season. One day it’s warm. The next it’s blustery. One day the trees are covered with intensely colored leaves. The next they’re bare. Change and variety are abundant. The swirling leaves accentuate the feelings within. With all the tumult, how do we engage in mindfulness?

Do transitions and uncertainty have you feeling unsettled? For me, the churning I see outside mirrors what I’m experiencing inside. During these times, being mindful and open helps me feel centered and grateful. If you're feeling stressed by the season and upcoming holidays keep reading. You'll discover ways to shift your focus to help you feel more energized, mindful, and grateful. 

1. Connect

The season of gatherings and parties is here. I’m looking forward to going to and hosting many events from birthdays to Thanksgiving to dinner parties and more. I enjoy hosting as much as being a guest. I’m grateful for the face-to-face time celebrating and hanging out with family and friends. My heart feels full and grateful being around those that I love.

2. Dance

There’s nothing quite like dancing to any type of music (live or recorded) that makes me feel alive. The other night my husband and I went to a dance party, where a favorite band, Zydegroove, was playing. Not only did we enjoy hours of dancing, but we also got to hear great music and see wonderful friends. Surprisingly it was my face that hurt (not my legs) from all the hours of smiling. Dancing was joy and smile inducing.

3. Look

Whether it’s the red and orange leaves, the morning light streaming in through the windows, or my blue violet office area, I’m drawn to color in its variety of hues. My eyes are delighted, and my heart beats more quickly when I stop to soak in the visual beauty that abounds.

4. Touch

While I’m not thrilled about wearing extra layers or bundling up, I am enjoying the textures of the wonderfully cozy blankets, velveteen gloves, and super soft sweaters that get layered on these days to keep me warm. I literally enjoy feeling my way through the season.

5. Write

For the writers among us, I know you appreciate the value of the blank page. This fresh canvas gives us a place to sort, share, challenge, and question. In times of pain, happiness and everything in between, we have the written word as our source of solace. As a journal writer, turned author and blogger, I'm grateful for this form of expression to share and connect both with myself and with all of you.

6. Learn

Education comes in many forms such as life lessons, conversations, or more traditional learning. Recently, I took a few social media courses. I attended Melanie Duncan’s Pinterest online webinar with a self-study component, and Lisa Kaslyn’s Content Marketing in person course at a local venue, Watercooler. Both were affirming (of what I already knew) and valuable (what I want to learn.) I appreciated these opportunities to expand my thinking and feel invigorated.

7. Explore

Whether I’m reading a new book, like Alina Tugend’s Better By Mistake, checking out a blog post such as Karla Jennings' “10 Adorable Characteristics Happy People Have”, or gathering with colleagues, considering other ideas and perspectives develops new connections in my brain. This past weekend, I spent several hours with veteran NAPO professional organizer colleagues. We discussed ethical, organizing, and business challenges and successes. We told stories and supported each other over the sudden loss of one of our industry leaders and mentors, Angela Wallace, who will be deeply missed. Especially important in times of loss and sadness, idea exploring and sharing creates those ah-ha moments and life affirming sparks.

Being human means living in a state of flux. We can let this unnerve us, or instead, we can embrace our moments with energy, openness, and gratitude. How do you engage in mindfulness? Come join the conversation.

8 Lessons LearnedWe are human beings that make mistakes. It’s impossible to go through life without taking some wrong turns, isn’t it? Of course our mistakes will vary as much as the lessons or growth we experience from them. And while there’s nothing quite as effective as hands-on learning, we can also learn something from other people’s stories. I enlisted help from a generous group of wonderful colleagues (Andrea Sharb, Cena Block, Peggy Pardo, Sheila Delson, April Lane Benson, Susan Lasky, Yota Schneider, and Sue West.) I asked them, “Can you describe a personal mistake or failure, which was accompanied by learning and growth?” Their responses are poignant, motivating, and inspiring. My deepest gratitude goes to each of them for bravely sharing their lessons with us. If you’re grappling with unresolved mistakes or feelings of failure, keep reading to discover some powerful, forward-thinking strategies that might work for you.

Can you describe a personal mistake or failure, which was accompanied by learning and growth? . . .

Slowing Down

“A significant source of failure for me: taking on too much, becoming overwhelmed and not completing tasks as a result. For many years I felt like I was failing everyday. An ADHD diagnosis and learning about how my brain works helped build awareness around what was happening so I could begin to slow this cycle. Now, a couple of my daily best practices questions help me maintain an ongoing awareness around this: 

Is this new opportunity just shiny, or will it truly energize me in the long run?

Am I relying on found time to get to what's most important?"

Andrea Sharb, CPO-CD®, ACC®, COC®, CPO® – Professional Organizer & ADHD Productivity Coach

Letting Go of Perfection

“One thing I struggled with early on in business was waiting till I had it 'right' before launching something new. It didn't matter whether it was a class, a blog post, a workshop, or a new pricing package… I was stopped because it didn't feel 'ready'.  This is something with which I know many mompreneurs struggle. Getting it right is largely connected to the hidden insecurity of not feeling good enough. (YES, those insecurities always seem to be lurking behind the scenes!) So, my PERSONAL MISTAKE was to wait, wait, wait… and use 'getting it right' as an excuse to stay stuck.  When I hired a coach, and she held this 'pattern' up so I could see it, I set a date and launched - in all my imperfection. What I learned was that waiting to launch to make it perfect was safer. Launching was more risky - but ultimately served MORE people… and allowed me to let go of the perfection.”

Cena Block – Business Coach, Author & Speaker

Trusting Instincts

“Most of the biggest mistakes I've made in my life have happened when I didn't listen to the ‘little voice inside my head’, call it instinct or intuition, and instead listened to others because I wasn't confident enough in my abilities. Hindsight has taught me to pay attention to what my gut is telling me and trust my own judgment. This has helped me to develop confidence in my decisions and talents.”

Peggy Pardo – Interior Decorator, Professional Organizer, Author, & Blogger

Doing No Harm

“One big personal mistake: assuming too much reliance and trust on others over myself. Betrayal and abandonment resulted when I was given an ultimatum over someone I wanted to marry – their way or the highway. I chose "my way!"  An excruciating lesson thirty years ago became my greatest blessing since. I've learned the value of forgiveness and tolerance of other’s mistakes, and my own as well.  We all try to do the best we can. Today this lesson impacts my daily decisions both personally and professionally.  Whenever possible – do no harm!”

Sheila Delson, CPO-CD® – Certified Professional Organizer in Chronic Disorganization

Trusting Others

“Over thirty years ago, my husband began a retirement account for me that I contributed to each year. He did extremely well and my small initial investment grew by a multiple by 30! The tech bubble burst. I lost about 80% of that paper profit. I got extremely angry and took the management of the account away from him, which made him very angry. I put what money was left in a hedge fund and lost almost all the rest! What I learned was that I needed to totally trust my husband who had already more than proved himself.”

April Lane Benson, Ph.D. – Psychologist & Author

Honoring Imperfections

“As a professional organizer, I am ‘supposed’ to stay organized.  As a productivity coach, I am ‘supposed’ to walk my talk.  As a human being, I often fall short.  For a long time, I felt this dichotomy between knowing and doing made me an imposter. Even though I was frequently successful in following my own advice, I was never consistent, so how could I advise clients? 

A wonderful thing happened when I learned to truly accept myself, with humor and grace (which also became Step #2 in my 7-Step PowerPlan to Success).  As I shared my challenges with prospects and clients, their reaction was totally supportive and even relieved that I wasn’t ‘perfect.’  They felt I deeply understood their issues, and could help them break free from their own inner critic.”

Susan Lasky, M.A., SCAC – Board Certified Coach & Professional Organizer

Forgiving Self

“I've had my share of mistakes but once I begin to think about them in terms of the growth and learning that followed, they stop looking like mistakes. Of course not every mistake is accompanied by meaningful growth. There are mistakes I've made that simply highlight an aspect of myself that needs to be known.

What comes to mind is how I left corporate. I hadn't been happy for a while but instead of thinking it through, I just quit. As a result, I've had to backtrack numerous times and learn how to deal with the aftermath. I had to learn how to build a business from the ground up, keep going despite the obstacles, and forgive myself for not knowing it all. I believe I am a better coach because of all I've been through.”

Yota Schneider, Seasons of Change Certified Master Coach – Life Transitions Coach, Workshops & Retreat Facilitator, Blogger, & Mindfulness Meditation Practitioner

Listening to Intuition

“I was a late bloomer to listening to the inner, intuitive voice which is uniquely mine. Any time that quiet whisper of a voice spoke to me, I ignored it, not believing in it. The growth came through learning to feel my feelings, so that my voice would grow louder and stronger. The learning came about due to errors of experience, through work with a therapist who didn't let me get away with intellectualizing, my work with clients who taught (and teach) me more than they will ever know, and my coaching program, where I learned even deeper listening skills.”

Sue West, CPO-CD®, COC® – Organizing & ADHD Coach

The deep knowing that each person has experienced by making mistakes, choosing wrong paths, and failing is so inspiring. We’ve all been there. It can be painful to grow. However, the silver lining is that we can use those lessons to have healthier, more productive, and happier lives. We can also use our experiences to help others.

Which lessons resonate with you? Do you have a personal learning experience to share? Come join the conversation.