How to Entertain With Less Stress and More Love
It’s that wonderful time of year again. The season of entertaining, party-going, gatherings, lights, and sparkles has arrived. Thanksgiving is coming, and my husband and I are preparing to host 25 loved ones for the big feast. However, festivities can also bring us humans extra stress and unrealistic expectations.
As someone who has hosted over 100 gatherings over the past 35+ years, I’ve learned a few things that can help you shift your perspective so you’ll feel more love, gratitude, and stress. Are you ready to garner more happiness in your holidays? Keep reading.
three essential elements to entertaining: people, environment, and plan
People
All parties start with the guests. As you decide who will be on your invite list for your next event, think of each person and what you love about them. Imagine how much you will enjoy talking with them, having them over, and seeing them connect with others.
Will you include immediate and extended family?
Will you only invite friends?
Will you make it a combination event of family and friends?
Choose how many people you are comfortable entertaining. We love small gatherings with just a few friends or family as much as larger parties with more people.
Once you finalize your guest list, create your invitation. It can be a casual email or text, a phone call, an electronic evite, or a more formal snail-mail paper invite. Be sure to include the four W’s- who, what, where, and when. Make it simple.
Then, track your RSVPs so you know how many people to expect. It's relatively common that a few people won't respond to your invite, so you may need to follow up with them.
ENVIRONMENT
Every gathering has a setting. What feel do you want to have? Providing places for people to sit, stand, and mingle are the basics. Think about flow. You can decorate or not. I love having fresh flowers, but it’s not necessary. I clean up a bit, but I don’t go crazy. Most guests don’t care about that. It’s more about the environment you want to create and providing some beverages and food.
Think about if you want a casual potluck type event or a more formal sit down where you are providing all or most of the food. If you don’t like to cook, you can either ask people to bring dishes or buy premade food. You can have a gathering with just desserts and coffee, or appetizers and drinks. It doesn’t have to be elaborate. Unless you adore cooking, the simpler you make the menu, the less stress and more fun you’ll have.
My husband and I are a good tag team. We like to cook for the events, but that’s not for everyone. So honor what you enjoy and do that.
While you are preparing the food, setting the table, or cleaning, focus on what you are doing and who you are doing it for. Practice mindfulness. Experience joy in the process of getting ready to welcome the special people into your home. One of my favorite quotes and beautiful reminders from Anna Quindlen is . . .
“I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less.”
Quindlen’s quote resonates with me. It’s something I’ve learned to do over the years. As an organizer, I tended to focus on getting things done. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. However, when I combine that with appreciating the doing, life is infinitely more enjoyable and less stressful.
PLAN
For some, preparation is the aspect of entertaining that can be the most stressful. You’re anticipating all of the details and action items for the party, which can feel overwhelming. It’s ironic, too, because it is the planning that can reduce a lot of the overall stress. Knowing what you need to do and when you are blocking out the time to do it is useful.
One strategy that works well for me is to work my lists. I save Word documents electronically to easily update them from year to year. I don’t have to reinvent the wheel every time. For example, with Thanksgiving, I have three lists:
Overall List: Includes guests, items people are bringing, the meal order, and overall to-dos.
Day-By-Day Task List: Details what to do each day leading up to the event.
Shopping List: Organized by date and shopping venue. I invest 30-45 minutes in organizing and updating the files. Once I plan, my mind can relax and focus on the doing. Contact me if you want a copy of these lists, and I’ll gladly share them.
Another strategy is key. I mentioned that my husband and I are a good party-throwing tag team. Early in the planning process, we sit down together to coordinate our lists- as in who is doing what. We still talk about it even though we tend to do the same tasks each time (like he sets up the tables and chairs, and I decorate and set the tables). Since we both cook, we also coordinate who needs the kitchen and when. We help each other.
And it’s in helping one another that there is the opportunity for more love. Instead of letting the stress of doing get in the way, it’s a chance to support each other. We also love to reflect on previous gatherings we’ve enjoyed doing together, the funny mishaps, and the joy we feel from opening up our home to our loved ones.
There can be those moments of “oh-no!” like when one year our turkey caught on fire and the fire department came, or another year when the EMS and police arrived because one of my family members passed out.
Things will happen. Expect the unexpected. But always keep in mind why you’re having people over. It’s a time for connecting, gathering, and sharing time with your loved ones. Life is made up of moments, and the moments shared with the special people in your life are a gift.
So, as you plan, prepare, and gather this season, open your heart as you open your home. Forget about perfection. Find humor in the stressful moments. Enjoy the love, the unexpected, and the positive energy that friends and family will bring into your home.
What helps you focus on more love and less stress during the holiday season? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Join the conversation!
