Clutter comes in many forms. Often we see a physical display with our paper piles, overflowing closets, or garages too full for the car. But there is also mental clutter where our thoughts take over in unproductive ways. Mind clutter causes undue anxiety and stress. Have you experienced mind clutter? If so, you’re not alone. One of my friends recently said to me that, especially now during the COVID-19 pandemic, it’s useful to let go of “If only…” from your vocabulary.

What valuable wisdom! Those “if only” phrases can breed regret and anxiety. They aren’t beneficial for your wellbeing or peace of mind. I noticed how often I was going down the “if only” road. I also realized how that type of thinking cluttered my mind and made me feel helpless. Have you walked down this path before?

Some of my mind cluttering thoughts focused on my mom. She has dementia and lives in a memory care facility. They have been on lockdown for almost two months, and I haven’t been able to visit her. Many residents there have died from COVID-19, and my mom tested asymptomatic positive a few weeks ago. I kept thinking, “If only I could see her.”  I worried about her wellbeing, whether she’d survive the virus, and whether I’d ever see her again. I know that many people are experiencing similar situations with their loved ones. It’s heartbreaking.

My mind was also cluttered with worry over our older daughter’s safety. She lives, works, and volunteers in Brooklyn, which is one of the hotbeds of the COVID-19 outbreak. I kept thinking, “If only I could bring her home or wrap her in a protective bubble.” I know. These thoughts were not realistic. She’s an adult and very much in charge of her own life. However, as her mom, my instinct to protect her flooded my thoughts.

These are just a few examples of my internal “if only” conversations. I’m guessing you see how unproductive these thoughts were. I had no control over these situations. Little by little, I stopped using this phrase. Instead, I have been harnessing all the mindfulness resources I have available, like meditation, yoga, and nature. They help me focus on the present and relinquish control about uncertainties. I continually work at this. On the good days, I’m more agile and able to lean into what arises, be present with now, and stay in the moment. I let go of “if only.”

I’ve read that 85-90% of the things we worry about never happen. Mind clutter worry is unproductive. And as it turns out, it’s a good teacher too. There was a beautiful twist (and lesson) in my “if only” exploration. 

Last week, I had in-person visit (masked and at a physical distance,) one with my mom and another with our daughter. I cannot begin to express how much good it did my heart and mind to be in their presence. What a joy being with them. Even though I received photos and regular updates about my mom, seeing her walk, sing, smile, and wave lifted my heart and spirits.

Our daughter, Allison, turned 30 this week. My husband and I drove to Brooklyn to bring her some birthday goodies and hang out for a quick visit. During the pandemic, we’ve talked and Zoomed, but being in her physical presence was such a gift. I felt settled, seeing that she was doing just fine.

In challenging times there is learning. And this time is a great teacher. I learned to let go of unproductive mind clutter, to release control over the uncontrollable, to trust the strength of others, and to soak in the beautiful moments of connection and calm. 

Have you experienced mind clutter recently? What helps you navigate the chatter? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.